I suppose this happens when you get older, get married, hit that magic 30, grow some gray hairs in your fatherly beard, and of course have some kids. For others it just a slow unraveling of the established wisdom you learned as a kid through “young” adulthood.
My kids – toddlers or not – when at restaurants weren’t going to use our phones to entertain themselves to stop them from tantruming and screaming. They weren’t going to toys in Walmart when they threw tantrums. (Yea I was definitely wrong on that one.) You have a specific way of thinking about your present circumstances and a supposed plan for the future.
One thing I’ve realized in the last few years coming off my self identified edgelord time – if it can even be called that – is that I don’t know as much as I thought I did. This realization applies to all aspects of life. I’m in a different season of life now and not only have my circumstances changed, but this isn’t 2006 or 2008 anymore.
I’ve been unsure of just how to write this review of Quintus. He is a friend of mine and I hope I can relay accurately just how incredible his work is. I want people to be able to realize the grasp of what he’s been doing and it’s significance to us men today and our children in the future.
Inspiration for the subtitle of this post comes from me reading through his site and chapters from his book right before bed, enjoying a new piece of history that was previously unknown to me – similar to the late great Paul Harvey’s “The Rest Of The Story”. Enter his treasure trove of untold stories and you will know my comparison is not exaggerated.
“In times like these it helps to recall there have always been times like these.” – Paul Harvey
Chatting with him over the phone, through emails, and in conversations of various kind, I’ve realized that Quintus is exactly who he says he is. His lessons from both personal experience and from history are coming from someone sees past much of the political and culture war aspect that dominate much of the manosphere and anglospheres. He really is our very own Paul Harvey.
It’s with that comparison you realize just how much of a breath of fresh air Quintus is, especially in recent days when everyone on both sides is screaming about Trump, feminism, immigration, and white nationalism.
As NeoReaction (NRx) is the thinktank and shares overlap of many in our spheres, Quintus is our philosopher for those who don’t wish to learn the language of the NRx crowd of infiltration, as well someone who provides a different but important set of foundations and principles. His work seeks out an audience consisting of those who search for substance instead of viral entertaining prose about fleeting events.
True actual Renaissance men – are rare to encounter these days, let alone one’s who are public, articulate – yet readable by the us laymen, and can write with both a fiery passion and a fine tuned nose for taking the stories of history and presenting in a simple manner as to why they matter to us today.
Meet Quintus Curtius, the manosphere’s own historian, translator, philosopher, and writer – though he would describe himself as a “humanist”. Further credentials for you of an academic mind include being a former marine, current world traveler, publishing four books – including a phenomenal and readable translation of the two thousand year old classic”On Duties” by Cicero, and having taught himself Latin, Arabic, and Portuguese. Channing Tatum may have the looks, but Quintus has the brains that so many of the most esteemed scholars of today wish they possessed.
Quintus has his own site via Fortress Of The Mind, but he has been writing for Return Of Kings for 3 years with a weekly Monday column without fail – to give you an idea of his dedication, consistency and perseverance. Now when we think of that “most vile” website Return Of Kings, we think first about it’s viral articles.
Whether it was Tuthmosis talking about signs you know shes a slut or Forney’s 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date girls with tattoos or piercings, ROK’s truest and most important gems often go unnoticed.
That gem has been most of the articles Quintus writes for ROK and his own site. Fortune is finally and justly smiling on Quintus in recent days with a curious attack on his work was launched by Mark Zuckerberg’s very own sister. Of course, this is boosting his recognition and scope of his audience.
On his site in the “About” section, you’ll notice that he says his goals are to educate, inspire, and to entertain and the different method he goes about achieving this. Of course we all know feminists are harpies, but more articles about slutty Western women aren’t going to help men become their best and reverse our cultural decline. Understanding this Quintus points out his educational mission:
Educate. My books deal heavily with themes from history, philosophy, and biography. I use these subjects as the trunk of the tree on which I can graft my own ideas and interpretations of these subjects. I do not belong to any political affiliation; rather, I see myself as a “humanist” in the Renaissance sense of this term. Several chapters of my books “Thirty Seven” and “Pantheon” deal specifically with this subject (i.e., the education of the young).
The current educational curriculum in the United States (as well as in much of the West) has seriously neglected classical learning and humanistic knowledge for some time. This has resulted in the degradation of the training of character, morals, and masculine virtue. Women have also suffered from this neglect of the cultivation of virtue. A good portion of my readers are women, believe it or not. My goal is to bring this neglected or forgotten knowledge to a new audience who may have never had any exposure to it before. I have done this through my translations, books, and blog articles.
Most of the people we know have neither time nor reason to further their own self-education. Netflix is too easy, gaming is too pleasant of a distraction, criticizing feminism and SJWs easy slap-on-the-back choir noise, and the 24/7 news cycle an addictive dopamine to convince ourselves we KNOW what’s actually going on. So why bother?
To this extent, Quintus provides inspiration to delve deeper. Stumbling upon a writers best work is how you get hooked, and I’m glad I did. While some of the more elite writers might scoff, awakening the desire to learn once again is how a cultural renaissance begins. Quintus demonstrates why inspiration is so important:
Inspire. Good writing inspires readers. Reading about great figures in history, literature, art, science, medicine, and any other field of endeavor can inspire readers to their own achievements. I have the ability to take incidents from history and to write about them in a way that focuses their relevance to contemporary affairs. I also have written extensively about my own personal experiences and views of life. Taken together, these subjects let readers know that they are not alone, and that others have shared their struggles and emerged triumphant.
Do you gentleman want to awaken some of that inspiration ? I’d highly recommend the survival story of anarartic explorer Douglas Mawson in which Quintus demonstrates the importance of why his survival story MATTERS and what we can take away from it.
Mawson would survive through shear willpower alone one of the most harrowing and vicious conditions I’ve read about. Here’s a quick summary: 310 miles from his main base in Antarctica him and his companion lost their sled-dog team and all of their food and resources which fell off an ice ledge. He would drag his companion through the bitter freezing subzero conditions with winds that regularly reached 200 mph toward.
His companion would die from the conditions, but Mawson would refuse to give up even with his flesh falling off his bones . Continuing toward a hut filled with supplies that was over a hundred miles away, he would LITERALLY will himself to survive, crawling and stumbling the last 26 miles to it. Let Quintus relay the eloquence of this incredible feat in his own words:
“As he approached Commonwealth Bay, Mawson made out a black speck in the distance. He approached it, walking, stumbling, and crawling, and he could eventually see that it was the hut. One of the remaining search party, a man named Frank Bickerton, chanced to see Mawson lurching about in the distance in the snow. He and several other men ran out to make contact with the desperate figure. They did not know who he was at first. The skin was falling off what remained of his flesh, most of his hair had fallen out, his hands and feet were barely functional, he was covered in frostbite and frozen sores, and he could hardly speak. Mawson collapsed in their arms, and his ordeal was over.”
It was this story – which he tells in vivid detail in his book Pantheon, which I’ve read and poured through multiple times. That leads us to another point actually – all of Quintus books should have notes taken on them during readings . Each time you come back to a particular essay, you can come away with new insight because his material is designed to be re-read and studied.
His approach to history is wide ranging, full of such depth, and dare I say; inclusive – and I don’t mean in the current sense of the buzzword. Many of his lessons from history include the best of the Arab classists, poets, and historians ranging from Ibn Khallikan to Ibn Khaldun. Quintus even delves into the work of Lu Hsun, Machiavelli, and Libanius.
This wide range also includes the importance of Brazilian explorers and photographers such as Candido Rondon and Sebastião Salgado as he find nuggets to share via Brazilian history. Again, one that stands out in particular concerning Brazil is their “Rubber Soldiers” and how through their efforts in the Amazon, the US was able to have access to rubber during World War Two. In my greatness, I’d never heard of them before. But that’s not all.
Quintus realizes that an entertaining writer is one who can bring men out of their slumber. Sometimes all we need is that small push to drive us toward finding a fire within ourselves. Laziness is often far more difficult to overcome, but that bit of entertainment in one’s self education can be the spark. Quintus points this out as the 3rd significant part of his mission:
Entertain. Everyone likes a good, engaging story. One cannot convey a message unless he is able to maintain the attention of the reader. I have designed my books in such a way that they can be opened at any place, and read with profit and entertainment at that place.
My personal observation is that the youth (and adults) of today have lost touch with the values, mores, traditions, and glories of the past. It is my purpose to hunt down these forgotten treasures, dust them off, and bring them to a new generation of readers in a way that is unique, engaging, and entertaining. That is my purpose.
Quintus Curtius’ thorough examination of these men isn’t because of any faux appeal to “diversity” and political correctness, but because of the merit of their work. That is exceedingly rare these days when it comes to trying to find extraordinary and worthy snippets from world writers past and present that isn’t being pushed for some kind of social justice-esque motive.
Do you really desire more than just mere “self-improvement”, but an understanding of history, philosophy, and culture that will teach life lessons? Quintus is then VERY worthy of your time – much more so than many of the writers out there that dabble in justifiable outrage porn – that we all enjoy.
What he seeks to give us is the wisdom that so many men have only managed to acquire late in their life – and if you look at the stories he unearths from the past, you may indeed come to know not just the rest of the story like Paul Harvey, but why you should take inspiration and motivation from it. Take hold of the future for it lies before you. Don’t let your youth be wasted on the young. Invest your time in Quintus’s work and begin your quest.
What happens to your old hobbies? They vanish as you and your spouse both envision strangling each other – but don’t.
The above picture is of my wife in her natural habitat – the bath. To pacify her in this time of emotional tyranny, I gave her ice cream and let her chow down right out of the container. I even promised not to make fun of her for it – a promise I’ve somewhat kept. She even had her phone to scroll through Facebook.
I used this precious and rare time to play my current favorite game – Fallout 4 – modded because I have joined the PC master race. Kid in a candystore, but this was one of my final pieces.
Welcome to marriage – pregnancy stage. Prepare yourself gentlemen.
My problem isn’t one that most men complain of – a lack of sex. We average sex twice a day. It’s my pride, the way our fights escalate, the hobbies I don’t want to give up, and the fact that I keep forgetting my wife is my wife – pregnant and not someone you can reason with. Speaking in generalities, women respond to emotions and men to logic – though I’m seeing alot more emotional men these days. I keep forgetting this.
Because I don’t want to be a complete loser, I’m trying to develop more productive hobbies – which does suck. I miss my video games, and I resent the amount of time I’ve been forced to give up playing them – regardless of how “mature” it makes me.
When I get home from work, I want to be lazy. I suppose now that I am a father with one son and another on the way, it is time to be responsible and look into new hobbies that my kids will share with me once they get a bit older.
That video game, I want to play it, without condemnation, nagging, or weird bouts of jealousy that I can drink alcohol and she can’t. To this end, I am in her crosshairs – if she can’t have fun, I can’t either. Now this is illogical, wrong, and plain out vicious, but that doesn’t matter. She’s pregnant and emotional.
My lovely nympho wife will nag me about productivity – which is escalated depending on how bad her pregnancy hormones are that day. Alas, it has me writing more. While I’ve sacrificed my prized video game time, my sex life is that of envy – we average twice a day with passionate bouts of love.
Today, I bring to you the subject of surviving your first year of marriage with a pregnant wife. If you are with a women who is pregnant, throw out everything you know about her before she decided to carry your offspring. Prepare for hell on emotional wheels of wrath.
Her raging, vicious, and unpredictable moodswings are now your problem. She may start crying randomly, and by the end of it taking swings at you because of her rantings about her parents or yours. I’m not even referring to the verbal wrath that you will incur in the process – that’s just a bonus. So what do you do?
But you can pacify it. As a man, it’s one of the most important tools you can learn to use when you have a family.
Behold, I give to you my fellow men, a weapon with which to master her emotions in their raw and uncontrollable state (1); the manly, yet smooth, alluring, and sexual hug.
Now I’m a proud and stubborn man, and when my wife has either hit me or attacked me in the most vicious way with perfectly chosen words to inflict the most damage to my sanity, I don’t want to hug her. (In fact I want to hit her back after she’s hit me.) Again, muh pride.
Shockingly, I swore I would never allow a woman to do this to me. Yet as she is my wife and the mother of my children, my tolerance for BS has gone up – because I love her. Love changes things. It really does. I am a proponent of the manosphere, but my wife is my wife, not just another plate. (Also, dread game is a NO when your wife is pregnant, plus my wife is already very jealous and will beat up other women for looking at me wrong. )
I want to fight back with the nastiest words in my arsenal possible to make her feel the same anguish. “Hurts doesn’t it?”
Indeed it does, especially when she’s pregnant. Of course, she will remember those fights far into the future and berate you later with, “You said these terrible things to me when I was pregnant,” regardless of any words of war directed at you, the suffering father.
Women fight very well with words, a favor I can return. But should I? Should a pregnant women hear anything anything else that will make her emotions scream? Stress is also an issue and it can cause miscarriages. My pride though. It’s very angry and upset. It’s been unjustly wounded. Yet again, I swallow it, or at least I should.
Hug her tight – from behind and then move to the front. Slowly massage her shoulders and lower back. Get her calmed down. Physical touch will do what the most logical of words will not. Kiss her neck, suck on her earlobe a bit. Then notice what starts to happen. Her face changes.
Your other weapon (2) : Angry frustrated pent up sex.
When women are pregnant, their raging hormones need to be released. They are bottled up like a kid holding his breath. Sexist sounding or not, the truth is the truth. So take control of the situation and arouse your wife in the process.
Those raging hormones? Well, release them. Direct them toward the bed. Or couch. Or bathroom.
If your wife already has a high sex drive, pregnancy will GREATLY escalate it. So grab her pants, and drop them down. Get aggressive. Wrestle with her in that bed. Or on the floor. Your video games may suffer, but your sex life will rise to new hard peaks.
So many of our fights could have been de-escalated, but since I was mad at her from her either hitting me or trashing me, I didn’t want to have sex with her – I was too livid. I had too much pride. A simple hug and escalation to sex could have solved it.
I must admit, she’s even told me to hug her and hold her tight – and also to pull her pants down when we are fighting. In this, me and her are different. My anger at that moment, I must swallow. She doesn’t need words of logic about why she is being an unreasonable bitch -something she knows as well. She needs a hug and to be led to the bedroom.
Never underestimate the power of sex.
Learn from me, swallow your anger at that moment, and pound it out deep. Never has there been a more perfect time for a spanking in that love making. She will love you, and you will love her.
UPDATE 2: More information has come out that hints that Jaxon may have been abused since birth. Drugs may have been part of it, but this was just the culmination that ended up taking Jax’s life.
UPDATE 3: (ALSO: A commentor has hinted that Jax’s father Robert had a history of this kind of violence and had tried to kill his brother. ) Further reading via the DailyMail: “His parents told police that he’d tried to kill his own brother in various ways over the years – including beating and stabbing him as well as trying to drown and smother him.”
Monday, April 18th, 2016 at 1:37 PM, my son Julius was born. His birth was the culmination and the reward for all of the various fights, strife, conflicts, and plain out stress that me and my pregnant wife had gone through leading up to that very moment. That said, I don’t think I was as nearly prepared for it as I thought I was. While fatherhood strikes whether you are ready for it or not, the process leading up to it can be both a joyous and tumultuous affair. Score one for my continued legacy and that evil Patriarchy with my sons birth though, as we are about to strengthen it’s ever growing resolve. (My wife already told me just the other day, “I’m ready for another one.”)
That said it’s still been stressful as my son couldn’t go home with us. He wasn’t breathing enough oxygen and had to be transferred to another hospital. My wife’s been there every day, sometimes for 12 hours a day, with me heading there the second I’ve gotten off work. Up until just a day ago, she couldn’t even hold him in our arms. As a new mother, it’s been killing her.
I can see the pain in her eyes, the stress in her movement, and the easy escalation of disagreements – though we’ve fought way less since he’s been born. My wife is young – almost 20 – and this is our first child, so we as new parents are still barely scratching the surface in just what it means to be parents. (If you’ve noticed, I try not to say my wife’s first or maiden name so certain assholes can’t target her or her future employers.)
Yes, married couples – especially newer ones fight way more than anyone want’s to admit.
Now, we hear alot about the taking the Red Pill and what it can do for a man. We know it can mean much more then just discovering the truth about feminism, social justice, and gender relation as Hawaiian Libertarian has pointed out. But what happens when you miss certain aspects of it, or dare I say, other “Red Pill” entirely?
Marriage isn’t something talked about nearly enough in whatever is left of the “manosphere”, though Roosh and many at ROK have made observations about about how men move past the player stage and what more from life and the worldview of Neo-Masculinity. When it is talked about often, it’s about how men should never get married and how you should only marry foreigners if you do.
That’s good and all, but those of us like myself who have not only gladly taken the risk, but are creating families from it, there might be a bit lacking in the RP advice department, especially on when your wife is pregnant. While game doesn’t end when you get married, but instead evolve, I often ask myself the following:
1. Am I being supportive enough?
2. Am I taking too much shit that I never would have taken before? Again, pregnancy is another aspect. Women use words as weapon very effectively, and my wife is no exception when she is stressed, in pain, has a baby kicking the inside of her, and is full of hormones. What is the appropriate course of action?
3. What should I take a stand on and what should I understand is merely a result of pregnancy? What disagreements should I compromise on or give 100% into her on. (Stress can cause miscarriages.) Did she mean any of the nasty things she just said in a fight after she apologized for them just an hour later?
4. What kind of game should be run vs what kind of game is even acceptable? Honesty is important, alas why my wife knows what my worldview is.
5. How should I resolve fights? I have my normal RP way of dealing with women, but my wife isn’t just a woman, she’s the mother of my son and is love of my life. Red-Pilled wisdom from older married men is something I wish I had way more of. Yes, I know of stuff like this, but it doesn’t go far enough.
In our young marriage, we’ve had some terrible fights, but they’ve ended pretty quickly. Sometimes I’ve put my foot down, and it does lead to more respect. The thing is I lack the necessary wisdom of when to use a gentle word to turn away wrath and when to be firm. My dad gave me a piece of wisdom in that hurtful words said early are bad for the early foundation of your marriage. No brainer, of course.
For the most part when my wife is on the verbal warpath, slashing me with her tomahawk of vicious words, I usually won’t say nasty things back; something I would do in return to anyone who wasn’t my family or my wife. I made a specific exception because she is my wife, and was pregnant. One time however, I did slip and I was so mad, I called her a piece of shit. Despite she had said far worse things to me during the car ride in which we were fighting, all of her nasty barbs didn’t matter. I was blown away.
Surprisingly in many way, Bill Burr was right:
Why was my wife acting like a teenager? Then it me; she’s 19. She still is a teenager. In fact, I’m her first real relationship. Her expectations and mine have been different on a few things. I want my alone time – she strongly objects to this sometime, the pregnancy being part of that. I often wondered, why does she say the nastiest shit when she’s angry?
(Sometimes whenever she is irked by my actions/words she will say in this disproving motherly tone, “Seriously?” It irks me even more and makes me want to say, “Yea, fucking seriously.” Then, I remember that I do indeed love her. I just wish there were more guys out there like AverageMarriedDad and TheFamilyAlpha who know what it’s like and have advice on how to have a successful happy marriage and a resulting healthy family. Too often, we get alot of marriage advice from men who aren’t actually married or are bitterly divorced and have a strong bias against it – somewhat understandably so.
Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it. Yes, it like any other major life choice is a risk, but it’s a worthy one, despite the quality of good women in our generation, the courts, and a system rigged against men. Marriage is a risk, but what else in life isn’t a risk? Some of the best thing in life involve risk – whether that be in time investment, finances, relationships, etc. Don’t let your life be hindered by aversion to risk, simply decide what risks are really worth it. I do believe marriage is one -provided you find the right woman which definitely is worth it.
Holding your son for the first time is worth it. Oh and stopping fights as they happen with sex – which we do alot – is totally worth it. In fact, if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that if the fight is about to escalate, pull her pant’s down. Her words, not mine. Well, she was definitely right about that. (Also make-up sex and I’ve never had to beg for sex. Ever.)
I encourage men who aren’t sure about marriage to really look for a good woman. They are out there, though you won’t find them on Tinder, bars, etc. Are you looking hard enough? Are your glasses filtering out the good girls? Many of you say you want one, but do you really? When you marry young, you do face different challenges and you would be wise to ready yourself for them. Being good at being a man is hard work.
Do you want your legacy to continue? Do you want the pleasure of having your child gaze up at you and look deeply into your eyes? Do you want to statistically have far more sex as a married man than single men do – especially when you are young? Obviously don’t marry for just sex or even just love. Find the right woman. You don’t marry someone who is your soulmate. You marry someone who becomes your soulmate. Remember that dear Gentleman, and Godspeed to you.
A few weeks back, I attended the rather family friendly music and entertainment fest known as “Summerfest” in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Me, my best friend Tim, and one of our other friends Bill all drove up together to “enjoy” the fest and the insane price of beer which averages 8$ for a splendid cup of piss-water domestics such as Miller Lite. We had several hours to kill before we would see “A Day To Remember” and “Linkin Park”
Before A Day To Remember started, a rather terrible band by the name of “PLP MVR” began to play – my guess is that they won a contest to open up for what was rather a large crowd in the Marcus Amphitheater on the summerfest grounds.
Me, Tim, Bill and several other people all joined in making pointed jabs at how bad the band was. I overheard one guy near us remark, “This is like a bad trip from shrooms without the shrooms.” He was of course quite correct. The band was literally dressed up in costumes that resembled “furries” and the drummer looked like Barf from Mel Brooks classic parody, “Spaceballs.”
Now this is necessary to disclose: if I’m honest, I have a loud mouth, am outspoken, and sarcastic.
No, this isn’t a bad thing, and I fully embrace this part of my personality and utilize it – it gets me laid. Unbeknownst to me, a large and fat tall man about two benches down was fuming and I didn’t see the steam pouring from his ears.
Instantly a giant of a man – about 6.2 or 6.3 was out of his seat in what seemed to be slow motion and suddenly was winding up his fist to take a swing in my direction. My best friend Tim managed to put himself in between the beast – who was at least two times my size – and myself. I’m lucky, because I frozen. No warning, nothing. He hadn’t said anything to me or Tim and Bill, so there had been no indication that he was angry.
I froze like a piece of ice in -30 degree weather.
I would have taken several punches before my instincts of getting away would have kicked in. (More on that later. It was then and there, I decided I was going to have to de-escalate the situation and it meant that I was going to have to essentially beg for mercy. I did.
“I’m sorry man, you’re right, you are right!!!
“You are Right!”
I pumped this phrase out multiple times in under a minute and it seemed to get him to back down after the first initial, “You little punk ass bitch.” (Note that’s all I remember of the insults he managed to spew. That and something about beating my ass.) Somehow, I was consciously aware that I didn’t want my best friend taking punches to the face for me, nor for our other friend Bill right besides me to have the same happen to him.
Note, this is basic placation on my part and you’d be surprised how many people’s ego you can stroke and in the meantime the bombs you can defuse by uttering the phrase, “You are right”. On some sub-conscious level, hearing that from a perceived opponent makes us feel victorious.
If you don’t already know, I’m one of those “lover not a fighter” types. Also, remember, this guy is at least twice my size.
When situations have gotten “dangerous”, I’ve always been able to evade possible brutes by the fact that I’m simply much faster, nimbler, quicker, and in better shape in my 5 foot 7 body. Luckily, I have more aggressive physical friends who are willing to get in trouble with the law to fight off guys they consider to be picking on me; someone who is usually “not my size.” Note, those specific friends WERE NOT THERE.
My pride was somewhat thrashed, but my face was intact. That’s actually a big deal, because my face is my moneymaker and what has allowed me to land girls with my game still needing plenty of work.
Minutes later, the thought continued to roar through my head…
Why didn’t I quickly bounce off my seat and dart away?
I’m fast, quick, and agile. I pride myself on it.
Why I had been frozen stiff like a piece of cardboard?
The amphitheater benches around us had plenty of room for me to jump off my seat and simply jump step from one bench to another and eventually down to security in the lower deck area and the various police on duty for the event.
Now in my defense, I really wanted to see both of these bands – specifically Linkin Park who I had never experienced live. I didn’t want to take a chance in us getting kicked out and I prefer to avoid contact with the police whenever possible. (Insert my half middle-eastern identity politics card right here.) I now believe I showed the proper discretion in apologizing profusely and preventing an actual all out brawl between this guy and the three of us.
Chances are, we would have all been kicked out and it would have been my fault considering it was my loud mouth that essentially kickstarted the entire debacle. The price of the tickets, gas, ect would not have been the only issue, but taking off work, and finding another time and date the bands were coming through would have caused me to hurt the night my friends had anxiously anticipated for weeks now..
Later the next day, I mentioned this experience to Tim’s cousin Justin who is also both of our best friends; the three of us are like brothers. (All three of us have known each other for over 15 years as well as having lived together.)
(1) Justin mentioned that he can remember at least one time, I essentially dissed some girl – easier to do then you realize – in a bar and two of her male friends were about to white knight and beat the shit out of me. Again, luckily for me Justin and two of his more physical friends were there who have a reputation in the town and those two white knights backed down. (2) In fact, I can recall another time where a friend of mine mentioned that my loud mouth at a bar was attracting the attention of at least one guy who looked like he wanted to fight me. He pointed this out later that night, and I was again completely oblivious to it.
Confession: I haven’t been in a physical fight since first grade. I was THAT sheltered. Or if you look at court costs, tickets, and fines these days perhaps I was that wise and mature. Either way, I don’t know how to defend myself besides “legging” it.
Lacking “Flight or Fight” Instincts
This all caused me to realize I have a glaring deficiency; I dont have strong instincts. I didn’t see that guy coming at all, nor was I aware of the white knights who were looking to beat my ass.
What happens if my friends aren’t there one of these times? I’m a rather outspoken person when conversations occur, and at some point, it will land me in trouble, because I won’t back down from what I say, I’ll just hightail it away. Now, while I’ve shot some firearms and I fervently watch the UFC, I have no real idea how to throw a proper punch or how to defend myself, so I count on my quickness and speed to get myself out of dangerous situations. In this case none of that matter; I was essentially blindsided and oblivious to him until his fist was raised and I noticed Tim was in front of me. I was frozen stiff and only was then suddenly registering what was about to happen. .
What use is my speed and quickness to avoid punches if I wasn’t able to see them coming? Take note that the guy was (1) two benches down from me (2) had to climb up towards me (3) at his easily bulging 350+ pounds he was probably much slower then me considering just how obese he was.
It took this experience to show me this and it’s one I won’t forget anytime soon. Any man should know how to defend himself and have the instincts to do it – especially considering that I want a wife and kids – so I better know and be able to protect them.
As one astute commenter pointed out, “Isn’t fight-or-flight the accepted response to danger to one’s physical wellbeing? In the case of being surprised by a angry boar or a potential mugger, I’m not sure “tend-or-befriend” are a valid fundamental dichotomy.” I faced a walking fat bear, and I was definitely surprised.
(4) Pyschology Today suggested in “Is Our Survival Instinct Failing Us?” that the instinct doesn’t even work well in modern warfare and again dealt with “stress.” (5) Calm Clinic again addressed stress, but emphasized exercise as a way to cope with anxiety. It did however bring up the point that we face a “lack of dangers”, which perhaps suggest that this is an issue of training.
Quintus Curtius in his masterful book, “Thirty Seven: Essays On Life, Wisdom, And Masculinity”, addresses the idea of training and education for young men in chapter seven of the book by drawing on Italian humanist and literal Renaissance man, Pier Paolo Vergerio, for inspiration. Quintus sums up Vergerio’s points regarding the issue of training and education with 27 points, three of which are pertinent to what happened to me.
11. The finest studies for leadership are those based on arms (military) and letters (history, philosophy, languages, and rhetoric). Everyone wants to be learned in old age, but to achieve this one must start early and exert “zealous effort.” Being learned in letters and arms will provide a remedy against “sloth” and solace in the face of worry and stress.
16. The training of the body is of paramount importance. It should be conditioned from a young age for rigorous service, military ability, and endurance. Young men should be hardened from a young age to endure pain and discomfort of all sorts , so that they are not broken by the strains of life and struggle. They should also be taught to “dare great things.” The Cretans and Spartans valued hunting, running, wrestling, and jumping, and sought ways to train themselves to endure hunger, thirst, cold, and heat. Luxuries weaken the mind and body.
19. Since battle tactics are constantly changing, a forward thinking youth will attempt to master the martial arts and self-defense arts of his day. This should include mastery of weaponry, personal combat skills , horsemanship, and movement over rugged terrain carrying heavy loads or equipment. There are many different kinds of combat. “For things are done one way in a melee; another when the decision rests on a battle formation; another when there is an infantry charge, and another when combat takes the form of a duel.”
Unfortunately, I was never taught martial arts, tactics, or any training of the body. I won’t make the same mistake with my kids however.