Thoughts on Race Commentary In The Dissident Right

16 million men today are descended from Genghis Khan. That's some serious mixing.

Many progressive have obsessed over race to the point its turned them into bitter people who can’t take time off to enjoy life. For others they’ve become self-loathing “allies” too busy worrying about their privilege to realize there’s more lessons to be learned from history than just “oppression.”

So take a hint from the self-inflicted pain these people put them through and DONT DO THE SAME.

One things many of us on the Dissident Right should be aware of is history and how demographics across the world have adapted and changed through conquest, migration, colonization, and various other methods.  They all overlap in various circles and variables.

Humans are tribal.  We always have been and likely always will. Race, ethnicity, cities, families, regions, tribes, etc all represent various “circles” that overlap.

Think of the Google+ circle overlap of friends, acquaintances, etc.  The internet, ease of travel, and technology have changed our “identities.  Because you can travel 100 miles with a car in mere hours, you and a host of other people can show up at a metal concert, all look somewhat similar, mosh and partake in an event that builds an identity for all those there.

Yes, “Us vs them” is a natural human instinct and its effect up until the last 300 years can’t be understated when used to distract the populace from their real overseers. It doesn’t however mean everything should be “us”, whoever that might be, vs some other group. Not every aspect of life is not a zero sum game.

Now I’ll admit, I may have a bias. I don’t even know if I’m bi-racial. The Turks burned all of our damned records in the genocide, but considering how many different times Armenia was conquered and how many different Empires and other groups have gone through it, I probably have a whole host of Middle Eastern, Russian, and maybe even Asian blood in me. (I’m going to take an ancestry test).  My European half is various mix of ethnicity.

I don’t live in Chicago, but even in the part of Illinois I live, I know ALOT of mixed, bi-racial people, not just including both sides of my family and my wives.  It’s not deliberate persay, it just happened – probably because the Lake County area generates ALOT of jobs, just as nearby Kenosha County in Wisconsin is starting too. People move to where the jobs are. (Cook County is dead to me.)

One

 Stop seeing the extremes and loud voices from external groups as the complete representation.  Most black people don’t care about Black Lives Matter, social justice, or intersectional nonsense. Sure, they might have some agreement with the overall thrust behind BLM, but they’d much rather just go about living life than obsessing over the white man.

Again you will have the malcontent trust fund types who have too much time on their hands and a luxury of funds to major in African studies, but most black people dont. They aren’t wasting their time studying about “oppression”.  They are working, trying to survive like everyone else, and enjoy the time they have.

Most Hispanics don’t care about La Raza.  The most disagreeable position they might have with you is immigration, and even then, it’s not uniform. They don’t hate “whites” anymore than any other group. Sure, they have they radicals, but if you aren’t at a college campus in a VERY urban city, they won’t care.

 Two

Interracial sex and in some cases marriage is inevitable. Hell, in 50 years, it will be harder to tell who is mixing with who. Just because it’s been weaponized by progressive race obsessed miserable fanatics doesn’t mean it’s somehow wrong, bad, or negative.

What’s inevitable about it?  Simply history shows that groups will intermingle given migration, conquest, or in today’s day the ability to simply pack up and move.   Sure, there are some rather nasty statistics that have been mentioned ad nauseum already that we shouldn’t overlook. (Particularly that most black men regardless of the race of the women they have children with often don’t just refrain from marrying the mother, but often leave her as well. Granted I have a strong sympathy for black men – not because of racism/opression, but that’s for another time.)

Those of us in the “manosphere” should be very familiar with the numerous reasons why black and white men in particular might choose to date and marry outside of their race and I can’t fault them for it either.

Three

While the DailyStormCucks are obsessing about white purity and how it looks via ghetto trash representatives and the occasional armchair philosphers, they keep overlooking that what it means to be “white” has changed drastically in the last 100 years alone.

Zimmerman was a “White Hispanic”.  Italians, Greek, and various Balkanites weren’t white 100 years ago.  Just two hundred years ago the Irish were looked at as mongrels.  We can’t even tell if people from North Africa are White, Arab, or “African” or some mixture of all or how different they are from each other in the two thousand years of constant warfare between each other, invasions, conquests, and migrations.

Even Hispanics originating from Hispania – that’s Spain and Northwest Africa – are part white and whatever else after mixing with the local natives – another example of “interracial” inevitability.  Look at other parts of the world.

How many people from Asia and the Middle East have Mongolian, Seljuk Turk, or Mughal in them?  How many people alone are descended from Genghis Khan today? How many people in Western Europe, Russia, etc have Scandinavian Viking in them? Yes, the Japanese and Han Chinese might be their own exceptions.

Racial purity isn’t necessarily good or bad, but it’s unlikely somewhere like the US where you’ve had various waves of immigration.  Yes, people do stick to their own groups, but plenty will look for love elsewhere and where it’s most easily available. (Not to exclude opportunity, work, education, etc.)

Four

Acknowledging racial, ethnic, gender, etc differences is important. Ignoring them doesn’t make any of it go away. James Damore was fired for daring to talk about it.

If we don’t, we will never be able to improve our lot, or those around us.  Dave Rubin did an interview with Stefan Molyneux on the subject, and while I’m not sure I place the same stake in “IQ” tests that he does, it’s worth watching to see how it affects how we live.  (Criticism from a left-leaning source here.)

Acknowledging racial and ethnic differences doesn’t mean we need to sterilize “low IQ” people or thrust some crazy eugenic influence into law like the early social progressives tried to do with their social Darwinism.

It simply means that we need to address what we know.  Now there’s plenty of insanity in this category with lots of supposed “pseudo-science” being clung around, but regardless the more we talk about it, the better it can be vetted.

There’s this idea that high IQ people have no flaws and are always ideal to a countries prosperity and success.  Sure, they are important, but their penchant to do evil with their brilliance is also a possibility.  Low IQ types may resort to crime, but many don’t and won’t.

Africa might have some of the lower IQ averages, but it’s more of an indication of constant and complete population displacement and a lack of exposure and well traveled trade routes that facilitate the exchange of knowledge and eventual academic undertaking.

Give some place like Uganda relative peace, 500 years of generations being exposed to a consistent 8th grade level education, majority of the populace being literate and watch what happens. Europe, the Middle East, or Asia didn’t magically build universities, hospitals, ect in 100 years.

It’s going to take time for the 3rd world to get to a 2nd world level. Unfortunately for Africa, the corruption that is so innate to MANY of the cultures of African countries – and the governments there -will test to see if it’s possible.  Perhaps the worldview shift taking place in parts of Africa – the rise of Christianity – will start to have an effect on the corrupt culture.

Don’t forget the kind of effect Christianity had on the culture and peoples of the Germanic tribes, Gauls, Franks, Danes, and even the Vikings.  Look at what Sweden became – or virtually all of Europe for that matter. It didn’t happen overnight.

Ideas have consequences, regardless of the culture they are from. If there’s anything history tells us, it’s that certain ideas – often many of those in the Anglosphere, some in Asia, and others in Europe and the Americas can uplift a society.

The Middleast is stuck where it is for a reason, despite dominance up to the mid 17th century.  An industrial revolution and the ideas necessary for it never took old.  The same can be said for most of Africa.

With the introduction of the internet and incredible easy accessible means to learn, share, and obtain information, that may change.  However, it will take at least several generations for those changes to start to take root and have results.

Six

You can’t have a cohesive stable functional identity based on race. You can have one based on commonalities, but race doesn’t quite fit the bill here. Brazilians don’t have much in common with the Venezuelans, the Poles with the English, the Japanese with the Vietnamese, the Nigerians with the  Somali, etc.

Even similar ethnicities like the Belgian Walloons and Flemmings don’t have much in common, despite sharing the same country. Old ties die hard.

A “white” ethnostate is not just a stupid idea – considering what alt right whites like Spencer and ultra liberal whites like Michael Moore have in common, but an impractical one. It’s just as dumb as any other racial ethnostate. The modern world and means of travel make it an impossible one.

Also the constant melding of people over time means one wont know who is necessarily white, black, brown, asian ect over time if the Hispanics – who are partially white just from their spanish roots – are already demonstrating.  The “mutt” of various European blood which intermixed will soon happen here on an even bi-racial scale  here.

Sure, you might be able to form an identity based on who you are comfortable living next to, but spend some time in urban, rural, and everywhere in between and you’ll find out how different the world is.

Yes, we are tribal.  I feel loyalty to men in the manosphere, as well as some of those in the dissident right, but my familial obligations and loyalty come first – even more so than I thought.

Right there is where you form your identity. Family isn’t necessarily biological and blood related – it’s the close friends, often in similar circles, you make over your lifetime that become like blood.  This is where we must start.

Six Things I’ve Learned as a Husband and Father

Six Lessons Early On As A Husband and Father

You Will Need A Support Network

I can’t understate how important this is -especially when your kids are infants and need a lot of time.  Many families often relocate to where they can get work.   What’s crucial is finding a job where you have family or close friends available that can give you a leg to stand on in hard times, but can help babysit when you and your girl – in my case wife – desperately needs a break.

One or two people wont be enough. People get busy – often when you really need them – and you will need a wide network to ensure it doesn’t happen to you.  They say it takes a village to raise a child, and when you have two boys that are 10 months and 4 days apart, that couldn’t be truer.  Your family, her family, friends, everyone.    People we know have bought us diapers, clothes, even carseats and strollers.  Without that help, I don’t know what we would have done.

You want to avoid daycare at all possible costs, but to make ends meet these days, often both parents will have to work. It’s essential you have family, friends and GRANDPARENTS nearby who can babysit and help out.  If you aren’t able to have one parent remain at home with your kids, your family and close friends are far more nurturing and key to your kids success later in their lives than a daycare will ever be.

Lots of babysitting needed there.

With three months left of our lease, our babysitting situation and inability to get the support we needed caused us to uproot and move back to Illinois and in with some close friends of ours.  Now, with my parents nearby, my mom can give us babysitting whenver we need it.  This has been essential to both me and my wife getting work and being able to pay off what’s left on our lease back in Missouri.

Again, if you don’t get support, taking care of your kids in their infancy will become an exhausting burden, rather than a blessing and your marriage will be strained as a result.  Me and my wife have had plenty of small fights over problems created by exhaustion and the lack of people to help us out.

The fact my mom will babysit at any point means that I can finally take my wife. We can go to the Warped Tour and see her bands. A night out at the drive-in theater becomes a reality, instead of a fond memory.  We can never forget what brought us together in the first place.

Swallow Your Pride

Alpha this, alpha that. If you are an “Alpha”, you should have some pride and confidence in yourself and the decisions you make for you family.  However, when you screw up, don’t let your pride get the better of you.  If you can’t keep a promise, plans blow up, or you legitimately end up causing your wife grief – apologize.  Own it.   You are a man.

I must admit, I’m a stubborn prideful bastard.   So when I’m wrong, it’s hard to admit it.  Your wife will respect you if you are willing to admit and own your mistakes.  Key here is that you apologize when you screw up – not just apologize for her mistakes or to make her feel better. Only apologize when you do something wrong so it’s significant when you do.

Admit when you are wrong.

Just do it.   This one of the rare times, “Man up” should be said.  If you want your wife to apologize for the mistakes she does – and not blame you for them, you will have to lead by example.  I absolutely suck at this, but lately I’ve been trying to own any actual mistakes I make.    When it comes to raising my sons, this will be key.   They will look at my example and see if I do what I preach.

Now this doesn’t mean that you should roll-over.  (My wife even admitted she’s glad I don’t do everything she says or wants.)  If you have to battle, pick your battles and stand your ground when needed.

Manage Your Time

It’s so easy to be lazy and not make use of your rare downtime. I get it, but when things are tight and time is of the essence, do something useful and productive.  I love my video games, but the demands and needs of young sons come first.   This means keeping on top of giving them baths, getting them fed, changing them, and watching my oldest as he scurries around trying to touch and grab everything. 14 months is indeed an active age.

For instance, I want my wife to be satisfied with cheap easy to make food – which she usually isn’t.  To make it easier, I’ll have to spice it up, do the small things, and actually learn more about cooking. ( I work from home.)   I’ll also need to do whatever cleaning and stuff needs to be done.

In fact, there was a faucet that had to be replaced.  I had to get some extensions for the water supply valves to reach the faucet ends, but I took forever to get around to it because I was lazy.   We needed that faucet ready to go. I finally did it, but far later than I should have.

Luckily with that SUPPORT NETWORK that I mentioned earlier, time is a bit easier to manage when they boys are being taken care of by my mom and I’m able to get whatever I need to done around the house that me and my wife are staying.

Me and my wife have sex every single day.  That’s no accident. We ENSURE we have the time – that and my wife demands it with her high drive.  No matter what happens that day, we MAKE time.   If you really value something, you can and will do the same without excuses.   This also means that I have to stop making excuses for not getting things done that I should.

Laugh, Love, Live

These are great slogans, but people are usually either too busy or self absorbed with life to actually participate in these.  A great support network will help enable you to actually live life.    The house me, my wife, and the boys currently live at is the home of my best friends parents who are like my second parents.  It’s very similar to living in a multi-generational house and the benefits are immense and tremendous.

We actually talk to each other over food.  Laughter, great stories, and that noise of “happiness” can be heard constantly.   We are never “Bored”, unlike so many people.  There’s always something going and someone to hang out with.  Great conversations occur. Often friends and grandparents are over. Board games, bonfires, barbecues outside are staples of our lives. Beer taste better when you are enjoying it with people you love.  Having a Wii with Mario Party and Brawl is suddenly a phenomenal thing.   We are our own Brady Bunch.

My best friend’s family had four kids and my best friend and his wife have a 3 month old son.  (I’d like to think we inspired them to get going) We are going through almost the same stage of life. The naive dream of me and my best friend hanging out with our wives and raising kids is actually happening.  I feel like I’m living my own version of Second Hand Lions.   It fills me with joy everyday and makes me look forward to waking every morning.

All this makes it easier to raise our two boys with the love, help, and input that my best friends family gives us. I’m constantly learning new things as a dad because of it and me and my wife fight MUCH less than when we lived on our own in Missouri.

One interesting realization is that there’s other people who can hear those fights, so we have to mediate our differences calmly and quickly.  It prevents arguments from blowing up into nasty fights and has allowed us to get needed space and conversation with others in the house to take our minds off it.

Regarding that love part; the daily sex that I mentioned earlier helps resolve those fights and constantly bond us together to overcome if either of us have had a bad day, her emotions are at a low, or just our libido is going crazy.  It also boosts her confidence in herself and her body – very necessary after having two kids back to back.

When my wife’s particularly cranky,  she’s mentioned how she has a stick up her ass and that she needs sex to get rid of it.  Sure enough, it works every time.  Never forget that little fact when you wonder why she’s mad at you for no reason and you can’t logic at all with her.

Do The Small Things

1. We can be great at having the big picture in mind, but it’s the small details and living of our daily lives that makes all of that happen.   It’s those small conversations, memories, and emotions that shape our futures.  It’s easy to let the days blend together until you can’t remember what you did last Thursday.

Do something small each day to make it different.  Tell you wife you appreciate what she does.  Make her a small gift, come up with a quick movie list, and tell her you have a surprise for her – just don’t tell her what it is to the last minute. Never let that spark of romance get lost in the gritty routine of life. Make a date night each week.

2. Plenty of fights me and my wife have gone through were often because she wasn’t feeling “loved”. Every time it comes up, I think to myself, “Seriously?”  Simple stuff like saying, “I love you” in the morning, a kiss when she wakes up, a sincere compliment here and there. If she’s looking really good during a moment of the day, TELL HER SO.  You’d think that she knows you already love her and think she’s beautiful, but she needs to be reminded of it.  She needs your validation and appreciation.

Go beyond her outward beauty and look to her as a whole. It’s easy to see what your spouse does wrong – especially during arguments, but you often forget to compliment and appreciate what she does right.  She needs to know everyday that she is making you happy and that she is worth it.  Appreciate your wife for the great mother that she is and that the effort she puts in everyday.

You can do it

So many men have become jaded and believe that marriage isn’t worth it and fear losing any kids they do have to divorce and eventual child support via a vicious ex.   The risks are there, but the rewards of choosing a life you want to live are there as well.

I don’t make much money.  Neither does my wife.  But with that support I keep shouting about, anything is possible. You don’t have to be financially “stable” – most of us won’t be for years to come – and in your late 30s till you can get married and even think about kids.   Against the current grain, I would advise getting married young and having kids.

It’s far easier to deal with the responsibilities of kids when you are young, then when you are in your 40s and your back is killing you. You also enjoy the wife of your youth in your prime when you are full of energy, hope, and that “spark” that seems to fade as people age.

That essential support network can let you live a life worth living.  Be your own man and if a family is what you desire, don’t look back.  Keep striving forward.  Even though I’m new at being a dad, my boys already have an advantage – they will grow up with a father who loves them, will lead by example, and will always be there.

 

 

 

Never Denounce Your Friends – Stand By Them

Friendship is like standing on wet cement. The longer you stay, the harder it’s to leave, and you can never go without leaving your footprints behind.” – Unknown

Beginning Your Quest

“Stand By Me” is what crosses my shitlord mind when I think about the ultimate meaning of the word “friend”.   Hopefully something of similar aspiration and brilliance crosses your mind as you agonize late into the night about your lack of instagram followers, likes, and retweets.

The 1986 classic is a tale of boys who bond while on the adventure of their lives – to find a dead body first. A dead body was the goal of their quest, but the story of their lives is related by how they got there.   Their story, retold by our venerable writer, is what we all desire deep down at our frothy cores.

Even more important, it makes their quest worthy of completion, instead of merely just beginning.  Think about the movie Sandlot and Scotty’s quest to make friends.  Their adventure expands and culminates in getting that baseball back.  Scotty didn’t know it yet, but the neighborhood kids became his family and the quest he began with became something grand – and a classic in American cinema.

Every man needs his quest. He might not know it yet, but ever man at his core has a quest in mind for his life.  Myth, legend, history, and memorable fiction is filed with the larger-than-life stories of Achilles, Caesar, Genghis, Harry Dresden, and Huck Finn for a reason.

Real friends” make that quest worth undertaking, as well as make the quest into what we never imagined. Experiences and encounters with friends shape the stories to be told to our grandchildren. Chunk was essential to the group in the Goonies just as Huck Finn was impossible without Tom Sawyer.

Tom and Huck

They also shape what our quests become and give you those “life is worth living” feelings that everyone want of us wants.   You may start off in the Shire, but the way to Mordor is packed with many different stops.

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Before I go any further, let me shout something at the rest of you, “STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL THINK!”   When you don’t shift with the wind and popular opinion and consensus to “fit in”, the friends you will attract will be a of a high caliber and more likely to be TRUE actual friends.

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Friends should be thicker than water. Crazy stunts on your bikes, nerding out laughing and gaming on xbox late into the night, and enjoying a pickup game of baseball created a bond that you didn’t easily forget.

I still haven’t forgotten me and my best friend Tim bingewatching anime late into the night while slamming mountain dew.  A decade later, we had switched to bud light.  Conversations late into the night about plans for the future were the norm.    (Think “Second-Hand Lions“)

Yea, I know, “Nerrrddssssss!”

Friendship was a bond between people that extended beyond the normal worries of life.  Bonds weren’t necessarily established because you both held up similar signs at a protest, but because  you had been through thick and thin together.

You legitimately had not just commonality, but a sense of enjoyment and purpose in the company of someone you considered a friend.   Speak friend, and enter.   (We all need our Sam, Frodo, and Gandalf in Moria.)

Unfriended

In these dark times, we force the term “friend” to also mean comrade, ally, etc.   Obviously, you can be a friend, but not necessarily an ally willing to hopscotch onto those landmines.  Well, this used to be the case.

That distinction matters because everyone assumes that you have the same exact views as your friend – or that you should. Become the hivemind.  You are identical symbiotic cells according to Facebook feeds.

The current political sphere entails that while you may be a gay Asian lesbian who voted Trump, you are still apparently a Nazi who hates humanity. You are either in the camp getting gassed, or you are the one’s laughing maniacally as you usher the Zyklon B into the shower vents.

Either a deplorable Nazi bastard, or a trans black disabled two-spirit.  This thinking has done wonders for those shallow people whose lives depend on political schadenfreude for purpose.

Believe it or not; Trump being the devil or the messiah, the ethics of trannies in the girls bathroom, and whether God exists are great conversations while in a drunken stupor that won’t be uploaded to Facebook.    When amongst friends, disagreement/agreement shouldn’t matter.

Why?

Agreement and disagreement aren’t what drives your friendship.  If they do, you have many like minded acquaintances, but likely no real friends who will stand by you.  A rather unsettling thought.   So what does a friend look like?

Do you know someone with  the history, proximity, life-goals, to some extent common-cause, and shared experiences/ stories that you want to tell your grandchildren?   How about that feeling of purpose, fulfillment, and sense of belonging?

Did you think to yourself, “I’d love to grow old with this guy?”  Were they always at your back in the thick of life with you? Did they stand by you in times of strife when everyone trashed you? Was there couch always available when you needed it and their ear open when life had you bent over?  If so,  that’s a real friend – and they don’t make em like they used to.

Friendly Heretics

Go back to the year 1000 and gaze upon a man who was excommunicated.  Modern self -loathing Christendom hate aside, the heretic was often avoided by the community and usually dead to his family.   At that time, it was essentially a death sentence.

Despite our scorn of those bigoted terrible Christians as we beat on our enlightened snobby chests about how awesome we are ,we’ve actually brought that same mentality back.  This time it only dooms you to bad jobs, little opportunity, and scorn from your elite educated betters who’ve studied long and hard for their liberal arts degree.

If you are one of the lucky converts, you’ll be seen as a sinner who needs an extended time of penance in the mines of ally activism to repent for your sins of privilege. You filthy white devil you.  Prostrate and repent – but make sure to donate.  Forgiveness isn’t cheap.

Huh?

What the hell happened?

The culture wars in their meme and social media glory have fooled people into a shallow sense of friendship.   Sure, you both may like Bernie Sanders, spam his memes on Faceberg,  support #BlackLivesMatter, and denounce bigotry in the movies, but will Joe have your back when push comes to shove?

Will they stand by you? Surely he knows you are a good person at heart, just misunderstood in the shouts for your burning at the stake – but will he voice it in fear for his own hide? You better damn hope so Solo.

The casualties of heresy aren’t necessarily just the one’s you see on the front page of Drudge, but on your social feed as they defriend and block all trespassers of wrongthink.  Surely they can’t be seen to have such deplorable friends. After all, what would people think?

Peer pressure makes for likes on Facebook, but will any of those people drive out of their way to pick you up in the middle of nowhere? Will your “friend” have time for you when you actually need it? True friends are indeed rare.

Will he denounce you to the other virtue signal despondent deviants desperate for Faecbook likes and acceptance because you didn’t support #BlackLivesMatter loud enough, check your privilege, or didn’t prostrate yourself low enough for that offensive joke?

Stand By Me

Rest assured that if I call you a  friend, I’ll always have your back when the storms rage.  It’s exactly why I’ll never denounce men like Forney, Roosh, Aurini, Quintus, etc no matter how many people recoil in horror because they deem their perspectives deplorable.  Guilt by association is nonsense and anyone who appeals to it should be disregarded.

Even more so for the close friends I’ve known for the better part of my life.  When told that it makes me look like I share their reprehensible heresies, my response is simple and emphatic:“I don’t care.”

Be honest with yourself; the shrieking wolves of Twitter will always assume that friendship equates to a cult like hive mind of absolute agreement. Their goal is isolation of their targets.  When they’ve finished, they will still come for you next.

Consider closely who you want to be in this short life. You are never guaranteed tomorrow.  Sure, plan for the future, but exactly what future?  In fact what would your friends and family say around your gravestone?  Deep down, we want a future filled with people, family, and FRIENDS, which make it worth living.

Even if I don’t agree with someone or their supposed racist, sexist, misogynist bigoted uttering – of which I am accused of frequently –  they are still my friend no matter what they have or will say.

That’s what true friends do. Your friendship transcends the frequent winds of “change” on the “right side of history.” The right damn side of history is by their side, and they by you.

History won’t fondly remember the con artists who appeal to the moral authority of the majority to scold those who aren’t on the “right side of history” – if it remembers them at all.  Face it, history won’t remember virtually any of us, but good friends make our short lives worth getting up in the morning to go to that job we hate to feed our families.

My best friend may be very liberal, but he’s welcome in my home at any point, and I in his. The trust we’ve built over the last 20 years can’t be shaken.  Our kids will play together, and our wives worthy of defending regardless the reason.

A word of warning to those who think long-term friends can be replaced:  Those who throw their friends away – especially over politics – will be treated with contempt by their newfound like-minded revolutionary comrades, because none of us at heart will ever be truly radical enough.

“Betrayal” no matter how you want to dress it up is not invisible to new bedfellows.   Trust will never be built, and thus loyalty will never follow, as they assume you will do the same to them at some point.  So goes the common cause.

No matter how much faithful zeal you may have for social justice you will tire, even just slightly of being beaten for your privilege while living paycheck to paycheck – cis straight white males in particular.   It is then you will be chastised and exorcised for your lack of allyship.

Meanwhile your best hope is that the friends and family you shunned know well the parable of the prodigal son. You will know them to be true friends and family when they welcome you back with open arms and no demands to get on your knees and beg for sweet forgiveness.

That is what marks a true friend. Value them above all else.

The Steps Of Life – The Early “Patriarch”

Patriarch. Patriarchy. Such delicious terms that always cause a firestorm when you throw them around. Granted they mean as much as the word “fascist” does these days, but they are still great words to make a point with.

I’m not a Patriarch.  I don’t think anything even remotely like it is possible in the World anymore – even despite it’s original failings.  That said the word brings about some worthy triggering, so I intend to use it as much as possible.

Recently, my life has become like one of those sack races at a school party.  My wife is in the sack with me – almost twice a day on average – and often we are trying to hop in different directions when it comes to our plans, ideas, and how we want to spend our time that day.  Our marriage is yet young. As we seek to better communicate and understand the stubborn other, a new path in life opens.

As the experts hum repeatedly, much of marriage is all about communication.  Usually, you don’t start off to well in that department.  The specific verbal and non-verbal manner of that communication is a different skill all in itself – one that is often unpolished.

Through the communication we stumble through now, I’ve learned something important. Your priorities will shift so much in your life – especially with an infant that much of what you did and who you were before marriage wont be the same.

If you want to be that great family patriarch of old, most of your available time in a day must be spent nurturing your family – specifically your wife in the early years and your children.  Just as anything substantial in life requires much time and investment, your family is no exception. (Infants are quite the time investment when they won’t fall asleep at night and continue to cry.)

I’m now building my legacy, but that is a time and life investment that will consume my time in life.   Less going out with friends to the bar.  Less video game binges into the wee hours. Less wasting of time period.  My hobbies now tend to include research about the best ways to get my son crawling early and my social activities tend to involve my wife.      (Father and son hobbies will come as my son grows older.)

In a way, I’m being forced to be more productive and deliberate as to how I spend my time – an odd side effect of having a family that I had no clue about.   It is however a welcome one, in that it forces some discipline upon you, something I’ve struggled to do over my life.   Dragged by my heels to be better, so to speak.

Much of my generation is hedonistic in we view ourselves.  Usually, it’s all about what makes me happy and satisfied now and anything that get’s in the way is a problem – or in the cases of some RP enthusiasts – supposed Beta behavior.   What most players don’t realize is that when you get married, your wife needs your time. It can feel a bit strangling at times with a loss of space being your gut instinct, but new instincts will develop as your marriage goes on.

Essentially, if you want to build that next generation and a culture that will last your excess pleasures, desires, and frivolous hobbies will have to take a back seat.  It becomes less about what makes you happy and more about what is necessary for the success of your family.  I’m selfish and I’ll admit it, a hard RP to swallow is that what makes me happy isn’t necessarily going to make my wife happy or even my children.  (Have another one on the way in that department.)   Basically, we mature as men because we must.

Some men might take it as the nail in their coffins of their prior lives, but it simply means that a transition is taking place.  What I’m realizing now is that if you want a family, a legacy, love, growing old together, and many of the usual romantic dreams, much of your bachelor self will shed it’s skin permanently.    So in order to get your new skin, you have to shed the old.

I no longer have as much time for video games and my usual pleasures of flesh. Instead, I often limit them to an hour a day at most so I can focus on spending time with my wife – who needs my attention and help even more so being that I knocked her up again.

Remember, marriage is a different adventure and the “skills” needed are far different from the arsenal of most players.  You will have to stop being a selfish bastard where everything is about you, while maintaining the self-confidence and fervor of an Olympian. Finding that key balance becomes as valuable as gold and a key component into becoming that patriarch.

In a young marriage, your wife is needy – as is mine – specifically when it comes to pregnancy.  When you decide to have your first kid, pregnancy adds another element to that neediness.  We hear alot about shit-tests but not alot about comfort tests.

I recall a conversation with my wife when she was in tears about how I didn’t comfort her, wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be okay when our son was in the NICU for 3 weeks after he was born. She wanted me to hold her in my arms and not let her go.   I was supposed to be strong, but while I thought I was, I didn’t pass that strength on to her.

Logically I thought that she already knew she had my support – and I was coming to be with her everyday in the evening when I got off work.   (Remember how powerful and dominant a woman’s emotions are, especially after birth.)  However, I didn’t verbally communicate my thoughts on how she was feeling and how everything was going to be fine. I probably wasn’t physically affectionate enough either and obviously we couldn’t bond and come together through sex in the weeks after birth.    (You really do have to be on your game and making it an intrinsic part of yourself.)

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.   Men… we often have to learn how to love – both in how we show and how we do it. Love is what girls so desperately need, just as respect is something men need when it comes to marriage.

Now do you lose who you are? Everything that makes you… you?

No.

Your family becomes you.

My son Julius.
My son Julius really likes bathtime.

I as a man and father, and my wife as a woman and a mother, are now putting our feet on the next step up the stairs of life.  It’s all happening very fast as is the excitement about it.   About 3 months ago, we moved down to Missouri.  I won’t say where, but I do like what I see down here.  Housing is cheap – though so are wages.

(Luckily, I’ve got a job in which I can make a good amount of money.  It’s a sale job, and I will essentially have to internalize game in a sales oriented manner. )

Arguably, it’s probably one of the most important skills a man can learn that he can apply to many other aspects of life.  I never realized its application that many had waxed eloquently about until training for my current job.  (Also, a quick pro-tip I’ve learned: He who complains the most gets the most. Furthermore, me and my wife are going to be moving into an apartment, which is will be our first place on our own with each other.

I often want to help men who struggle with women out – as I see who I was in them. At the same time, I’m also realizing that men with families really do need other family men to come together to eat, drink, converse, and to sharpen each other’s lives.    The conversation at the table really will differ then it did in our bachelor days. Behold, the next step in life.

We Are Terrified of Actual Romance

That empty seat besides you in your heart…

The Desire For Romance

They say that you aren’t ready to be with someone else if you haven’t fixed your own problems.   Well, with that conclusion, it seems no one is ready to date or find a relationship. In fact, it sounds more like an excuse because we refuse to face the fact that we are terrified of actual romance – or the possibility and potential of it.

How many people these days do you know have relationships that never last more than a few months? Or when things get serious, they scamper away?  Commitment these days is a dirty and scary word.   Many will tell you that you don’t want to be first in vocalizing your desire for commitment.  It all becomes a series of games between men and women.

In your 20s, you are supposed to play the field.   We are told there is always more fish in the sea. That’s true.   But here’s a sobering thought: What if you missed that one special person – that love of your life?  An abundance mentality is key for confidence and avoiding loneliness and depression, but what if you end up “nexting” of the one women who was the love of your life?

75% of married people, according to the Inquisitr,  report “settling” as they have lost their chance at true love.  Yea, that’s depressing.  In fact 46% of those people would leave their relationship for their true love.   That says something about the power of love.

My generation – millennials – seemingly have a terrifying fear of missing out.  We want to remain single, available, and in the mode of continued experimentation – yet we fear a potential future of remaining single. It’s a disturbing catch-22 filled with cognitive dissonance.  We “settle”, but we don’t fall in love.  Again, I suggest that some of us may have missed out.

The vicious truth of today’s consumer and materialistic society is that everyone is focused on their career above all else.  When push comes to shove, most people will gladly sacrifice their romance for a future that’s not even guaranteed.   Men and women are fed the lie that you don’t need someone else – a lie that flies in the face of all of human history and biology. This thinking is willfully promoted by feminism in that women don’t need a man and in reverse by the some in the manosphere that men don’t need women.   I call BS.  As FreeNortherner points out,

“However much some feminists and some MGTOWs rage against it, men and women want to be together with each other. They want to love and be loved.”

We want to be loved, needed, desired, and sought after.  The consistent denial of this is leading to people with unhappy lives, scores of people on depression, and every medical condition under the sun that’s popped up in the last two decades.

Romance Or A Career?

I for one will always choose my relationships over a career.   Now this doesn’t mean one should let themselves go completely, be lazy, ect.  Simply realize that life is short and you want to enjoy it the best you can with someone you care about and love.

I believe there are more people with these thoughts out there, but they are becoming rarer as our society degrades into a smartphone and social media obsessed cespool of vanity, jealous, and envy.   Often we don’t actually want romance – we want material things which we think will lead to it.

1. Love is a spark of physical, psychological, and emotional intimacy.   It’s so intense, that it scares people.  The uncomfortable truth is that relationships take work.  Perhaps love is where you throw everything aside for that special person.  There isn’t exactly a backup plan – another scary thought in today’s often shallow relationships, but it’s crossed my mind.

2. Relationships are work – and anything that takes work is a potential hazard that can bog us down in our quest to experience life.   Yes, we may be experiencing life, but are we actually experiencing any of the romance that we so keenly and subconsciously desire?

Ultimately, people want other people who have something going for them and this is often reflected in career, fame, friends, family, and a bright future.  You sometimes just hope that you may experience a bright future with someone who doesn’t care about how much money you bring to the table.  As Alice from the Honeymooners said to Ralph before she married him, “Ralph, I’d be happy to live in a tent with you.”

It shocks me how many people I’ve met who are dirt poor, yet are happy as can be with each other.   They don’t need anything else but the two of them.  Considering how short life is and how tomorrow isn’t guaranteed,  they may be on to something.

 

P.S. food for thought:

The Writer’s Block of Life.

They say you should always practice what you are good at. I’m good at writing, or at least I tell myself I am.  When it comes to the concept of practice and applying said practice to writing, I just don’t do it. Instead I content myself to do fabulous life fulfilling routines like working at Menards and Trinity.  You know you are going places when you are working part-time.

Let’s talk brass tax – pure honesty; I’m lazy.  I’m not lazy… when it comes to working, though I’m close to it.  Rather, I’m lazy when it comes to being a productive in any department.  That rare productivity that manifests itself in me consists of playing Star Wars: The Old Republic.  I’m actually kind of bad at that too and it’s because I’m too lazy to really learn the game, even though I’m investing alot of hours into it.   I do this instead of being responsible and going to sleeping and getting up early in the morning to catch the worm.  No, I catch that really late night insect with my owl eyes.  Responsibility? What’s that? Yep, age definitely doesn’t make one mature. (That’s me.)

So I’ve essentially turned into one of those “Do as I say, not what I do” sort of people. Especially when it comes to practicing something I tell myself I really like – writing.  Then there is of course some other tidbits that also applies to:

  • My tendency to not communicate well. That happens when you are lazy. It isn’t deliberate, but it is most certainly due to my lack of effort.
  • I’m a perfectionist. I didn’t even know I was. Apparently, I’m the kind that is too lazy to complete things if I ever start them because they must be perfect. Convenient excuse that is.
  • I’m content to do the same things, barely get them done, but not get any better at them a.k.a practice.
  • I keep telling myself I need to write every day. I keep finding other things to do instead of writing every day. I can’t hone my craft if I’m not willing to invest the time in it. Again I’m lazy. How many excuses can one man, I mean boy, have? Way too many and its even worse when I’m only really accountable to myself.  That just made me realize how low my standards are for myself. I can feel the self-esteem flowing through me.

Maybe, I really do have a lack of discipline. There are so many things, well at least a few, I could do if I bothered to invest the time and effort into them. Somehow I lack that motivation. It is as if I have writer’s block, but its my overall life.

So how do you overcome this kind of “writer’s block”? Beats me apparently, because I still can’t motivate myself enough even though I tell myself at work everyday, “Do something productive when you get home.”  I get home and I do nothing productive.

By the way, what I am doing right now instead of sleeping? Playing Star Wars and feeding my bad habits. Seriously, I lack discipline though Menards doesn’t lack my 9 AM arrival on its schedule.