For the last decade we’ve heard non-stop awareness rantings about how rape culture was literally everywhere.
It was in the gutters, Walmart, and in our very currency. Lecturer and preacher-in-chief- Harvey Weinstein, an outspoken champion of women, was there to tell us about our evil male rape desires.
Apparently so were all these other Hollywood actors, media personalities, and semi-plutocrats with lots of power and money telling us that “rape culture” was interwoven in the very fabric of our culture and lives. It reminds of me of that video where a girl was getting arrested and eventually resorted to screaming, “RAPE!!!!!”
Look at that list of Hollywood, media, and cultural movers and shakers who’ve been accused of nefarious sexual deeds and harassment. It keeps expanding by the day.
For them it was their way of life. Those bumpkins of us who rejected their screeds were labeled everything from KKK, MRAs, and Nazis to Misogynists, sexists, and patriarchal bigots who wanted anything “female” in the kitchen, barefoot, and pregnant. We just had no idea how terrible we were in comparison to where the sermons were coming from.
Surprisingly, all the problems they worried about all day and night were occurring, it was just that odious self-righteous attention was in the wrong place. It wasn’t university campuses where drunken students couldn’t remember if they “consented” or not. Nor was it the random creep patrolling the parking lots for a violent movie like attack. It wasn’t even that family member in small town america who likes guns and trucks where all of us misogynist bigots live that want to hold women down. Nope, not even the prisons where the term “Rape culture” actually came from.
It was them the whole damn time.
Credit for the inspiration for this post goes to a recent Aurini livestream in which they discussed Harvey Weinstein and the predatory actions of the Hollywood titan producer dropped a following thought bomb that got my brain waves going.
Rape culture was taking place where the people of power and influence were – Hollywood, media producers, ect. You know, where all that “A LOT of power+privilege” stuff actually exists. It was where the movers and shakers with their casting couches, freaky fetishes, and ability to turn people into stars and give them famed careers occupied in their luxury office and studios – for a steep price.
It was even in White House where outspoken fundraisers for progressives causes and politicians like Harvey Weinstein were cutting 10,000$ checks to Bill Clinton’s defense fund against Monica Lewinsky. Even his corporation was willing to tolerate his behavior by having his contract written in a way to allow sexual abuse. These sick degenerates were infected and spreading their disease from the top down. It’s an infestation.
Preaching from a high pulpit, they were banging the altar boy while accusing us of doing the same. For all the fundraising, donation to “victim” organizations, speeches for the decades, and media about stopping “sexual harassment” these rich movers and shakers were swimming in pools of victim tears for the modest exchange of a film role.
The mainstream and tabloid press who always tell us about how sexist we are had no interest in accountability when it came to gatekeepers like Weinstein. They were getting too much out of it. It’s almost as if these people don’t believe any of their equality and feminism screeds, but see it rather as a useful political weapon for sappy feminists hung up on tweeting pride for their abortions.
“But Weinstein had a knack for flattering reporters. He once had his staff put together a mock poster for “Page Six: The Movie” — starring George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Mel Gibson and Matt Damon as the column’s authors — and sent it to the newsroom. “
“Unfortunately, everyone likes to be around glamour, right?” said Tina Brown, the veteran New York City editor who oversaw Talk magazine, a much-hyped but short-lived project of Miramax. “All these favors and goodies were cherished by these reporters. It wasn’t worth it to them to disrupt that system.”
Projection From Pervy Progressives
The very places it wasn’t supposed to happen – the most progressive and “feminist” in America – were cesspools of rape and sexual harassment. Well, these degenerate hypocrites were so consumed by shame and guilt they had to find “worse” culprits and punching bags elsewhere. So they projected it upon the rest of the populace to alleviate their shame.
These celebrity feminists and their creepy white knight male feminists allies in their twitter tirades projected that since actual rape and sexual harassment they couldn’t or wouldn’t discuss was happening in their ivory towers of progressive safe space feminism of all places, it had to be occurring probably much worse elsewhere in the less educated, too conservative, and non-enlightened enclaves of small town america.
Sure a few here and there spoke up about it, but thanks to settlements and non-disclosure agreements, the moist hushing would continue. While they were lecturing us about victim shaming and silencing, Barbara Walters would scold Corey Feldman for “damaging” an entire industry when he mentioned the abuse.
Too much money was at stake and Corey is male so his privilege obviously trumps the abuse. For years the whispers have gone back and forth about pedophelia in Pedowood and deliberate abuse of child actors. It was shushed away. Finally, it apeaars that the dam has burst and that more hypocrite fire-breathing paragons of virtue from Hollywood are to be exposed.
Harvey is just the first. He knows he’s about to be sacrificed to the bloodthirsty feminist aztec gods so in order to remind them of his humanity and his faction loyalty, he issues an official statement that attempts to gain atonement by referencing Trump and about how the NRA is going to be a blood sacrifice- for him raping and harassing women.
“I’m going to give the [National Rifle Association] my full attention,” Weinstein wrote, adding that he would establish a $5 million scholarship foundation at the University of Southern California for women directors.”
I’m sure saying mean things about the NRA is going to make those women feel WAY better. The nerve of this man and those like him. All the harassment of women that he derided and the women’s causes he championed are acceptable substitutes because he donated to democrats. It’s okay when they do it, but if it’s one us backwards to the right of Bernie types, then the SWAT teams need to be deployed to make us pay for our supposed original sins.
Notice their thinking; they can preach about “rape culture” while engaging in it, as long as they pay the necessary dues. It’s typical of these people. They portray a sympathetic heart that supposedly bleeds deeply for humanity, while undertaking all the fashionable and courageous causes. Of course they face little backlash from a supposed hostile majority populace who cant afford to lose their jobs with “brave” public posturing. In their esteemed private lives, it’s acceptable to treat people like dirt on a personal basis because they believe in group causes, not the individuals they belong to – or don’t when considering the rest of us.
Regretfully for the last 10 years, I watched plenty of porn which aided in my frequent and fervent masturbation each day. It gave all sorts of bizarre inclination and fetishes. Porn showed me how the bodies banged, loud wails, and how many holes could be stuffed at the same time, but not much else.
Easy access on any device, a quick jerk and release, and I was back to my video games, reading, or anything else I felt like at that moment. Time was being used efficiently. After watching some gangbang for the zillionth time, I clearly knew more about getting laid. All was well. Was I lacking anything?
What was lacking is that I still didn’t know how to approach, talk, or much less make the moves on girls so any of that glorious fun looking sex would come my way. Touching and stroking would apparently moisten things up if I got to that part where my fingers and lips were welcomed, but I wasn’t sure about the rest. We saw the penetration, but not how a guy actually got a girl to desire that with him.
When I finally bust from my virgin cage and began to actually have sex with in-the-flesh girls, I ran into moments where I couldn’t get or stay hard. Instead of being as ravenous and filled with testosterone like King Kong, I would suddenly be unable to perform – something devastating for both parties involved. Imagine the excitement of knowing you were gonna get some and the confidence blow when you go limp.
What was happening?
A recent phenomena in secular and Christian circles encourages teenagers and college students to wait till their late 20s to 30s to get married. One must wait till they are financially stable, out of debt, and raking in the big bucks after finally establishing their career – which will never happen for most of us until we hit our late 30s if we are lucky.
During that time you better abstain from the sex, avoid that porn, and stop thinking about how you really want to be enjoying all that meaningless sex your friends are having while you wear your own kind of chastity belt having kissed dating goodbye. You avoid that porn as much as possible, but the addiction begins – one that’s affecting many Christian men (and women). In fact something like a third of visitors to porn sites are now women.
I was a product of this – though my dad encouraged me to get married to alleviate my desires. Of course, I was picky, selfish, immature, and irresponsible. I wasn’t looking for a wife just yet, but a “best friend” and someone who wanted to mate frequently.
Supplementing my technical “virginity” with porn, I held on to that sacred virginity as long as possible so I could claim some moral high-ground. Eventually I said to hell with it and went on my journey of debauchery. I didn’t reject my faith, but I certainly wasn’t going to go to church and bother with guilt.
Perhaps I was lucky to experience the “player burnout” rather quickly and realize that I wanted to find a wife with which to raise a family – and have plenty of sex with of course – and devote my time less to pursuit and more to worthwhile activities.
Game And Beyond
I had to learn game. Friends gave me advice. The internet gave me stories. Podcasts, videos, forum boards, and all those misogynist sexist bastards shared the details of what women wanted and turned them on, rather then what they said they wanted.
Embracing my inner confident asshole, I never looked back. My conquests came through, and my confidence rose to levels of those lucky nerds who gets the girl in those vapid and misleading movies. In my nerdy days, those romantic happy endings were in a galaxy far far away of which I lacked access
Those problems I mentioned earlier however didn’t evaporate. Lurking like a nagging and unscabbed wound, they poked at me.
I recall Davis Aurini mentioned on a stream how men with girlfriends or wives would often jerk off to porn instead of having sex with them. Their natural attraction toward the feminine body which should have given them rock hard boners was being subdued and withered.
These words stuck me, because what he described was exactly what I was doing – even when I hit my “prime”. I supplemented actual sex with porn, often preferring the porn to any “real” girl. It was easy, took less effort, and was warping my mind and ability to be aroused by a REAL woman.
When I met my wife, we had intense sexual attraction. Our secretive and risky adventures to have sex would give way for daily and comfortable sweat sessions once we got married. This has never stopped – yes we still have sex every day.
What also never stopped until recently was me using porn on the side. While me and my wife had watched some together to get ideas, I would often watch it when she wasn’t around. During her back to back pregnancies, it made her feel worse and worse as her body confidence took massive hits due to the natural weight gain of pregnancy.
In fact, at points I couldn’t get hard without watching porn before I had sex with her. As you can imagine, it made her feel like crap. Furthermore, I was often only able to oblige her to sex twice a day because my drive had decreased from jerking off to porn during the other parts of the day.
Yes, you did read that right. Sex only twice a day on average instead of more because my wife’s sex drive is that high. That’s how much she is attracted to me, loves me, and wants me. I was letting her down. Her great body that should have been driving me crazy was being ignored for people who meant nothing to me on the web.
Porn even made me lazy. I wouldn’t do any at home workouts and my “desk job” managed to pack on an additional 30 pounds making me officially overweight for my height. Still through all of this, my wife strongly desires me.
I’m lucky gentleman. Yea my game is good as are my looks, but how many men can say the same in a similar situation? My wife is just that loyal and into me.
I could have very well permanently sabotaged my relationship and marriage to get that momentary high from watching and jerking to porn.
My wife deserves more. She deserves all the sex she can get from me, regardless if I’m feeling horny or not. Porn only lowered my libido. It’s a dangerous drug that’s hard to give up. Even still, I sometimes feel permanently altered from its affect when me and my wife go at it.
It’s a lesson I will teach my two sons. I encourage all of you to do the same and be careful – even using it as a stimulus for you and your wives. Avoid it. Your wife or girlfriend has a body that you should ravish. Study hers and do exactly that.
Sometimes the old wisdom from those prudish puritan conservatives and I daresay insane raving feminists who disprove of porn for opposite reasons can be correct. Plenty of studies tell us about the ill effects of porn on men and even on women who have developed addictions. You just don’t take those effects seriously until it happens to you.
So many internet tough guys out there tell us how it should be done, how we will change the world, and what Utopias we can envision in a pleasant future. This assumes we’ve gotten over our addiction to schadenfreude to begin our monk like meditation. It’s an addiction worse than heroin for anyone with a smart phone, twitter, and too much time on their jealousy soaked hands. Eventually it breeds a toxicity that you feel yourself drowning in.
Matt Forney and Aurini made this point in a recent stream and they are absolutely right about the detox that we all so desperately need to start.
The problem is that’s it’s everywhere. Zombies with an addiction to digital flesh from internet controversy, gossip, and virtue signaling every which way to settling for rants, mudslinging, meme trolling, and the occasional cat video. Everyone rants about problems, but the thinkers coming up with solutions are left in the web traffic stat dust. Yet again, those who are doing the legwork won’t be likely appreciated until they pass from this mortal coil. Rather we prefer staying in our choir rooms as it preaches to itself for the umpteenth time.
That flesh the zombies consume is fed by a source the Luddites never could foresee – the very internet itself. The web is every sci-fi writer’s greatest fantasy; a shockingly easily wielded tool capable of great good but also terrible evil. No, that’s not even enough of an attempted literary description to give you that vivid picture that should haunt your smart phone attached fingers.
Will we take a break?
Toxicity from it spews everywhere. It’s hard to avoid. Gutters are our everyday walk. We love to see the outspoken fall, but we cry deep tears when it happens to us. Most of what we stand for is often based on telling others what trash they are. While our opposition may be trash, it tires us out. We know there must be more.
Yet it’s brought on by ourselves. We are soaking ourselves in this toxic insanity. People are burnt out. Politics has just turned people even more jaded liches of themselves, but is burning people out. Take that hint and take a break. You can step away and it will all still be there when you get back.
Our addiction to information overload is fueled by a desire to always be in the moment and NEVER miss out. By the way our culture looks these days, it’s stronger than sex. What flurry of information we pick to fill our heads with says alot about us. We dont just allow, but get high off constant distraction. As Neil postman predicted, we are amusing ourselves to death. The addiction almost killed Andrew Sullivan.
That distraction is better than taking action. We can yell from our arm chairs with the latest bit of constant 24/7 gossip and stupid feminists to laugh at, instead of doing anything to create that famed shire culture we frolic about. Laci Green said this and a Jezebel article said that! Who cares. Does this gossip like debunking of progressive nonsense actually do anything? Schadenfreude is amusing, but isn’t there more?
What Are We Doing?
Creation requires effort, risk, and a departure from swiping on tinder and trying to game girls with low self esteem at bars. Any kind of rebuilding or simply building anew of a culture and worldview that wont’ shatter at the foundations means our goals have to be about solutions rather than the rants and criticism that are so easy to vegetate on.
So why are we here in our corners of the manosphere and alt whatever?
“We are here to help men who want to be helped to lead better and more enjoyable lives.” – Lizard Of Oz
If this is truly our goal, we are in serious danger of losing our way.
Even on our much revered forum of the manosphere, so much of the talk revolves around laughing about the pain of progressive SJWs, fat feminists who are LITERALLY slowly eating themselves to death, and women who too late realized that their corporate jobs didn’t care about them when they considered having a family. Instead…“HAHA! Stupid bitch deserved it!” Poetic justice I guess. On to the next one. Is this really our high?
Hell I recall an article by feminist Julie Bindel who was worried that feminism was in danger of becoming toxic – a point it’s far past – because of how vicious it’s twitter army had gotten. That toxicity – though from an entirely flawed and vicious worldview can be seen in our own pastures as we lob grenades into their trenches.
Sure it feels good, but in the end, what are we doing to help men become better? To get out of their predicaments? To help rebuild the shattered teenager getting out of highschool whose feminized teachers ensure he will be a virgin into his 30s and end up stuck in that “anger” phase, even if does find the red pill?
We need to detach from the venom before it’s all that’s left of us.
“So invite you, my dear reader, to make a commitment with me. Let’s all be good guys. Let’s try to spread as much care and joy to other people as we can. Let’s be good, positive human beings. Because it is through this goodness that our message can spread and become more accepted. It is through this goodness that our message, our stories, our lessons, will have a new audience. It is through this goodness that we help our fellow man.”
Our addiction ends up being to the vinegar. It’s sad.
We have to detach ourselves from the digital monster, before we become it. In fact, this is a fate that is being seen across the spectrum. I’ve made an effort over time to do just that. Every day, I’ll just take in the scenes around me, the flush of chattering voices, smiles, roars, and the attempt of people to just get through their day.
What I’ve realized makes me somewhat ashamed.
Broken people. Everywhere. It’s just that the online addicts have it the worst. Even when they venture into that sunlight, their thoughts are consumed digital anticipation. Their friendships based around ideologies that could deliver betrayals worse than Judas.
It’s no way to live.
At some point, I just want to help them. I know these people in real life. Their online pitchforks gleam in the blood red moonlight, yet when you see the downtrodden looks in their faces after a tedious job they hate has gut punched them yet another day. Longing for something as real as the feeling of sand sifting between your fingers.
At some point, I long for healing.
Hopefully sooner, rather than later. Look at where we are at in history and you’ll notice we are in a downturn in the cycle. This open nastiness and toxicity we see is just merely part of the beginning stage. It will get much worse. Hopefully some of our “enemies” realize that when shit in the fans, they are just as human as we are.
Now I as well as the rest of you are sick of being attacked day in and day out by liberal types, hit pieces from the media, and virtue signalers who throw us under the bus rather the risk the “wrong” associations. Thing is there are tons of them out there. You can’t really do much to swim back up against the current.
What you can do however is reserve your own grenades for those who attack your friends, family, and the men you choose to stand with. Always stand by them through the darkest of times and reserve your attacks for those who come for their livelihoods. However, for the rest of those around us, enjoy each day as it comes.
“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential”. – Winston Churchill
Plenty of motivational words have been blathered about “Living up to your potential.” It’s almost abstract at this point. Perhaps the above quote from the brilliant and witty Winston Churchill may be an exception.
We serfs often get used to a daily routine – one that’s very comfortable. While we bounce between loving and hating it depending on whether we are enjoying life, we don’t want to quite upset that balance.
It’s why we settle for the status quo, both on a very individual scale when we are grinding out our day jobs, and simply want to relax when we get home. Living up to your potential is hard. That continuous effort… well, I really want a beer and to Netflix and chill with my wife instead.
Of all of the above, I’m guilty.
I work a job with commission opportunities with a low base hourly rate of 9$ an hour. Often, they are happy that you just show up, because so many people don’t when it comes to call centers.
I’ve lasted over 9 months at my job – which is apparently great when you look at turn over rates for call centers. Still everyday I’m at the edge of quitting and walking off.
Because I have a family to provide for, I can’t do that. However instead of applying to new jobs, I just lay back at home when I get off and relax. It’s easy. I want to unwind.
The next morning, I wake up and curse having to get ready to go back to a job I often hate. I’m my own worst enemy, a glutton for the punishment of a comfortable routine. I’m my own worst enemy.
I actually like my co-workers and both of the managers I’ve had. I just can’t chance not making commission during checks when my family is desperate for money.
Based on that alone, I should have already gotten another job. But this one is easy. I know the systems, the unwritten rules, what flies and what doesn’t – all of which take a few months to learn. I don’t want to start over and get… uncomfortable. Anxious. Unsure of exactly what the expectations will be.
Clearly, I’m hindering my own potential. I’m comfortable in my job routine while hating and loving it every day. I know so many other people who are afflicted in this same devious manner. But we are too lazy and “comfortable” to do anything about it.
We bitch about the status quo, but content ourselves in it’s comforts. I talk big and loud, but my stick is very small.
This all comes down to willpower. An honest thorough self-reflection would indicate that I’m lacking that department, or that I pick and choose. If it’s easy, I’ll leave that comfort zone, but if it’s hard I’ll certainly stay. Of course this means that my motivation will be lacking as well.
Quintus Curtius calls this Transformative Mental Change when he talks about the Foundations Of Motivation and that its needed if you want to make a step in the right direction harnessing that willpower – or at least building it.
“This source of motivation comes from an internal decision that we make. We consciously decide that we want to improve ourselves. We consciously decide that we want to begin the process of forward movement. At some point, we become tired of the old patterns and wish for a change. We wish to push ourselves into new vistas and regions of exploration. And before we do this, we make a decision.”
You would think having a family to provide for would give me that mental tazing and wake me from my lackadaisical slumber, but it hasn’t yet. That desire to do more – still lacking. Have to buckle up. I wonder if it’s an aspect of maturity that I still have to attain – a level of responsibility that has to be shouldered.
The appreciation isn’t seen right away, but the fruit will be seen in full later. Perhaps I’m too much a creature of immediate satisfaction, rather then a player of the long game. Again it’s another part of living up to Potential. You want to be all you can be.
If one really wants it, they will grab it without excuse. In a world where excuses are rewarded, I suspect this is why it takes people a long time to finally leave their comfort zone. Why would they? If they live off the government dole, there is no incentive. If they live at home and can still have their girlfriends overnight, why bother striving to better themselves?
Then again, if the system is rigged – getting that dollar too much in the next tax category, it may be a symptom of our society in general where the hardest working end up being the most penalized. This is not an excuse, but an observation.
This is not a call to be someone else, it’s a call to be the best I can be. We take a lot for granted – specifically our continued and assured situations. We never know if calamity, death, joblessness, the loss of transportation could send us to the streets. It’s almost as if we are living paycheck to paycheck.
An assured, prosperous, and at the very least – safe – future should be planned. That planning and needed drive have to be used at some point. Sooner rather than later.
Recently I stumbled across an older article entitled “Are Men Still Hunting?”. The author while an SJW feminist laments that men aren’t the aggressors anymore when it comes to approaching women. (She follows up here.) I saw some comments and added a cordial one of my own.
What stood out were comments strewn about how women were reaping what they’ve sown because of feminism and great pleasure was expressed about it. Okay that’s true as well as bits about how approaching can be easily construed as sexual harassment these days.
An overall glance of said comments prompted a realization; many of us are too busy reveling in womens laments and pain to care about doing anything to help. All we have is schadenfreude – and it appears to be a serious addiction. That’s only a few steps away from being a miser who loves miserly company.
Not surprisingly, it was the MGTOWS who here enjoying her lamentations the most. While one phase of the Red Pill is a justifiable anger and bitterness phase, I’m starting to notice a slew of men who don’t come out of it. Ever.
Instead of any meaningful self improvement and actually finding a girl they enjoy, their primary driving factor for happiness is the misery of women – feminists in particular. They are addicted to schadenfreude. This wasn’t quite the Red Pill you thought you swallowed.
“Maybe this makes me a sicko, but I get pleasure when women put themselves into predicaments.
My favorite is when a woman turns down every good man who pursues her only to throw herself at the man who is blatantly a scumbag. Then when the scumbag man mistreats her, she whines and cries about how “there are no good men out there” and “all men are jerks”. Instead of learning from her mistake, she blames men and then REPEATS THE CYCLE!
Back in my mangina days I would try to console those women and reassure these women that there are certainly good men out there. These days I don’t care. And in fact, I find it amusing.”
Okay, yea I get it. I loathe tumblr feminism as well and do my fair share of blasting self-entitled harpies on RVF boards. And yes, I do admit sometimes getting satisfaction seeing the worst offenders reap all of the venom they’ve sown – especially male feminist white knights. The anger? I understand feeling it the lies we were told as well as the women who rejected us for Chads and now are facing the consequences.
However, don’t you ever feel a sense of sadness for them? While they’ve bought into and advocate for an ideology which will make them miserable – and those around them, I often desire to apply actual burn ointment to their 1st degree roasted souls.
Obviously, the differeing worldviews make most online dialogue with them pointless, fruitless, and not worthy of your time. In spite of this when you come across posts like hers, try avoiding another, “haha bitch” type comment that burns as well as points out what feminism has wrought.
Instead maybe just try a semi-neutral heart felt internet hug. Will another comment debunking feminism change their mind and undo years of influence under a feminist worldview? No.
Here’s a question I would put plainly to them without snark: “What do you really want?” You’ll find most women do want to fall in love. Romance. Be swept off their feed by a studly chad. The truth hurts, but it can be presented with chocolates rather then a spear to the stomach. Honey for the flies instead of vinegar.
I find that when I’ve talked to feminists face-to-face, as well as women in general that are very discouraged with their dating prospect, an honest genuine heaping of advice can get past the normal “blockers” and at least onto the plate as food for thought. When a critique is done with kindness, the openness can be shocking. (Plus it helps that they know you have no romantic interest in them – in my case being married and all.)
The Effects of Misery
When women are miserable in particular, it deeply affects them and those around them. Perhaps they deserve it – especially the slut walkers – but do we look past what they deserve for a moment?
Being constantly in a state of war is exhausting – especially when the enemy is a never ending source of social media and blog posts that are filled with venom. Some rad fems may deserve to be burned by the fire they spew, but is mercy ever an option? I’d like to believe so. That Nietzsche quote about gazing into the monster seems to apply here.
Perhaps I’m mellowing a bit, but at a certain point I’d like to see relations between men and women improve wihout some sort of Mad Max like collapse of society – even if those in question aren’t worthy. The author in question might have better luck at a Friday Night Magic tournament where she is surrounded by lots of men and almost no women – so why not point it out?
We know many women who wish they were approached by men they would find attractive. For many it won’t happen. However, we can at least make suggestions to help them make the best of their chances and interactions without malice dripping from our fangs. (Especially if we know them.)
Who knows, maybe finding a guy they fall in love with might bring them out of their stupor. It has for many a woman. Maybe she and they can be one of them – certainly a good thing for culture and society.
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
For the last two months prior to election day, Drudge was linking to various articles about how people were suffering from election induced anxiety, depression, and even sleep loss. Facebook feeds were particularly active and potent regardless of what political bubble you are dwell in.
We all expected the end of the world before night, and it’s only gotten worse post-election for half of the voting public to cope with the election of Cthulu. Detractors of Trump literally believe he’s Hitler, but then again, so is anyone to the right of Hillary. The sky is literally falling and raining pepes.
My Facebook and Twitter blared with insane headlines that even often I thought were too exaggerated to be true. Everything was apocalyptic in nature and possible destruction of our grand modern multi-cultural tolerant world, even though Rome didn’t fall in a day.
Post-election, all of the scoundrels and deplorables favorable to “God-Emperor Trump” were faced with families endearing new crises that unfortunately had nothing to do with drug addled interventions, sibling disputes, and crumbling marriages. Call me ole fashioned, but I’m still shocked that people are avoiding family members because of their despicable politics. Clearly, those politicians will always be there for you, but your family won’t.
Yes, apparently a difference in how you voted was causing the dreaded “deadbedroom” threads we read about. Hammer that nail of sexual intimacy once more to the coffin.
“I think that the sex drive does die and, you know, we are building a wall around our vaginas,” she continued. “The guy [Trump] says it’s okay if he would grab a woman by her you-know-what, and women are either a 10 or a one, or this one’s fat, and you voted for that schmuck?”
“You voted for that? I’m not sleeping with you,” Behar said.
“That’s what’s happening,” Sunny Hostin agreed.
Yep, you read that right. Some people have “marriages” that are truly that dysfunctional and the sex tips in Glamour aren’t possible now. I don’t think adultery/cheating is a good thing, but in today’s world of fleeting love, Tinder and all sorts of other Apps of debauchery are available to take care of their boners if those shrews won’t.
But to get back on track, its all too damn much – and that’s just regarding two of the stories that stood out to me the most after being bombarded with one piece of insanity ranging from true to greatly exaggerated after the other. Every story I come across is in all caps, screaming with a bullhorn for my attention – and they all make the world seem like its getting worse after I glance at the headlines.
Surely, I like the rest of you am taking crazy pills, or the world, society, and the culture around us is surely doomed and primed to implode – on a daily basis. Even in our own circles, everything is almost always pessimistic. Feminists are getting more power, safe spaces are smothering meaningful conversation, and we are constantly having to explain to shocked observers, friends, and families that we aren’t actually all those bad ist and isms they keep hearing we are – this is all despite Trumps win which is supposed to greatly move the Overton window…
I’ve noticed how the subject of “Facts” has become extremely subjective. I still don’t know exactly how much Planned Parenthood spends on abortion via Federal Funding because every inquiry on it uses different methods to calculate the statistics. In a world of unlimited data, we can’t see past a hazy cloud of numbers on all sides.
Reliable sources all depend on what side you are on.
Vicious opinionated partial journalism isn’t contrary to the very nature of being a journalist because Trump is the new Hitler. Woodward is jaded and Bernstein is weeping. The very journalists and publications shrieking about fake news are spouting it nonstop with nary a noticeable correction in mind because the damage has been done.
Fake news is now completely up to shadowy corporate internet giants that are deliberately as vague as possible as to how much of your information they are sharing with the government without warrant – and that’s if they haven’t been hit with a gag order preventing them from even talking about it.
What the hell can we actually do about any of this?
Ragequit life? Not quite. Take a brief glance back in history for why you need a respite from the toils of cultural and political dogfighting. As Quintus Curtius – the resident scholar, historian and philosopher of the manosphere points out, sometimes all you need is a retreat to allow you to come back with new ideas for the battlefield.
“Sometimes being away from the fray and the fracases of life can allow us to compose our thoughts and regenerate our spirits. This has the effect of spurring the creative soul on to higher amplitudes of output. We forget just how distracting it is for the mind to be bombarded with invasive stimuli; and while periods of withdrawal from the fray should not be permanent, they can, in the right doses, provide just that right proportion of flint and steel to spark great works.”
Believe it or not, wisdom from the life of Machiavelli can be applied to this situation when he was forced to take a break from the politics of the day. That lesson can be examined at the link previously mentioned.
Besides plan, scheme, and demand answers; nothing in the immediate sense. Which of course represents a knee jerk reaction of feeling like you’ve accomplished no results because everything is measured in the short term – how we feel right now – instead of any kind of long term vision.
Let’s dip our heads into the sand for the moment. Take a step back. We know what’s going on – we just aren’t going to let it break us. Instead we will make love to our women, play with our kids, drink and be merry with our friends, and take those nature hikes. Twitter can wait. A more disturbing and terrible story about the madness of our college campuses will be there tomorrow.
You will survive.
Just make sure you give yourself the breathing room and cultural /social media detox withdrawal to allow yourself to thrive when the world is refusing to budge your way. Take a break, and then come back for another at-bat.
Patriarch. Patriarchy. Such delicious terms that always cause a firestorm when you throw them around. Granted they mean as much as the word “fascist” does these days, but they are still great words to make a point with.
I’m not a Patriarch. I don’t think anything even remotely like it is possible in the World anymore – even despite it’s original failings. That said the word brings about some worthy triggering, so I intend to use it as much as possible.
Recently, my life has become like one of those sack races at a school party. My wife is in the sack with me – almost twice a day on average – and often we are trying to hop in different directions when it comes to our plans, ideas, and how we want to spend our time that day. Our marriage is yet young. As we seek to better communicate and understand the stubborn other, a new path in life opens.
As the experts hum repeatedly, much of marriage is all about communication. Usually, you don’t start off to well in that department. The specific verbal and non-verbal manner of that communication is a different skill all in itself – one that is often unpolished.
Through the communication we stumble through now, I’ve learned something important. Your priorities will shift so much in your life – especially with an infant that much of what you did and who you were before marriage wont be the same.
If you want to be that great family patriarch of old, most of your available time in a day must be spent nurturing your family – specifically your wife in the early years and your children. Just as anything substantial in life requires much time and investment, your family is no exception. (Infants are quite the time investment when they won’t fall asleep at night and continue to cry.)
I’m now building my legacy, but that is a time and life investment that will consume my time in life. Less going out with friends to the bar. Less video game binges into the wee hours. Less wasting of time period. My hobbies now tend to include research about the best ways to get my son crawling early and my social activities tend to involve my wife. (Father and son hobbies will come as my son grows older.)
In a way, I’m being forced to be more productive and deliberate as to how I spend my time – an odd side effect of having a family that I had no clue about. It is however a welcome one, in that it forces some discipline upon you, something I’ve struggled to do over my life. Dragged by my heels to be better, so to speak.
Much of my generation is hedonistic in we view ourselves. Usually, it’s all about what makes me happy and satisfied now and anything that get’s in the way is a problem – or in the cases of some RP enthusiasts – supposed Beta behavior. What most players don’t realize is that when you get married, your wife needs your time. It can feel a bit strangling at times with a loss of space being your gut instinct, but new instincts will develop as your marriage goes on.
Essentially, if you want to build that next generation and a culture that will last your excess pleasures, desires, and frivolous hobbies will have to take a back seat. It becomes less about what makes you happy and more about what is necessary for the success of your family. I’m selfish and I’ll admit it, a hard RP to swallow is that what makes me happy isn’t necessarily going to make my wife happy or even my children. (Have another one on the way in that department.) Basically, we mature as men because we must.
Some men might take it as the nail in their coffins of their prior lives, but it simply means that a transition is taking place. What I’m realizing now is that if you want a family, a legacy, love, growing old together, and many of the usual romantic dreams, much of your bachelor self will shed it’s skin permanently. So in order to get your new skin, you have to shed the old.
I no longer have as much time for video games and my usual pleasures of flesh. Instead, I often limit them to an hour a day at most so I can focus on spending time with my wife – who needs my attention and help even more so being that I knocked her up again.
Remember, marriage is a different adventure and the “skills” needed are far different from the arsenal of most players. You will have to stop being a selfish bastard where everything is about you, while maintaining the self-confidence and fervor of an Olympian. Finding that key balance becomes as valuable as gold and a key component into becoming that patriarch.
In a young marriage, your wife is needy – as is mine – specifically when it comes to pregnancy. When you decide to have your first kid, pregnancy adds another element to that neediness. We hear alot about shit-tests but not alot about comfort tests.
I recall a conversation with my wife when she was in tears about how I didn’t comfort her, wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be okay when our son was in the NICU for 3 weeks after he was born. She wanted me to hold her in my arms and not let her go. I was supposed to be strong, but while I thought I was, I didn’t pass that strength on to her.
Logically I thought that she already knew she had my support – and I was coming to be with her everyday in the evening when I got off work. (Remember how powerful and dominant a woman’s emotions are, especially after birth.) However, I didn’t verbally communicate my thoughts on how she was feeling and how everything was going to be fine. I probably wasn’t physically affectionate enough either and obviously we couldn’t bond and come together through sex in the weeks after birth. (You really do have to be on your game and making it an intrinsic part of yourself.)
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Men… we often have to learn how to love – both in how we show and how we do it. Love is what girls so desperately need, just as respect is something men need when it comes to marriage.
Now do you lose who you are? Everything that makes you… you?
Your family becomes you.
I as a man and father, and my wife as a woman and a mother, are now putting our feet on the next step up the stairs of life. It’s all happening very fast as is the excitement about it. About 3 months ago, we moved down to Missouri. I won’t say where, but I do like what I see down here. Housing is cheap – though so are wages.
(Luckily, I’ve got a job in which I can make a good amount of money. It’s a sale job, and I will essentially have to internalize game in a sales oriented manner. )
Arguably, it’s probably one of the most important skills a man can learn that he can apply to many other aspects of life. I never realized its application that many had waxed eloquently about until training for my current job. (Also, a quick pro-tip I’ve learned: He who complains the most gets the most. Furthermore, me and my wife are going to be moving into an apartment, which is will be our first place on our own with each other.
I often want to help men who struggle with women out – as I see who I was in them. At the same time, I’m also realizing that men with families really do need other family men to come together to eat, drink, converse, and to sharpen each other’s lives. The conversation at the table really will differ then it did in our bachelor days. Behold, the next step in life.
Disclosure: I’ve recently talked a bit with Ben via digital means. He also points out that he does not identify as a feminist.
Ben was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
The vengeance for all of the cat-calls, all of the “creepy” men with their ingrained misogynistic awkwardness, and the sum of all “harassment” that they had ever experienced was visited upon Ben. His apology was scorned. These militant feminists; they know not what they do.
Or do they?
You terrible male cis shitlords, check your privilege.
It wasn’t until this week that I found out who Ben Schoen was. He is actually the the owner of Feminspire and what one would call an equality feminist – similar to that of Christina Hoff Summers. Arguably, he’s put a lot of time, effort, and resources into fighting the good feminist fight.
But, based on a series of interactions that certain feminists didn’t approve of, none of that mattered at all. Anything he had done to help women was all thrown out the window. Today in popular feminist online blogging and academic culture, the burden of the sinful male feminist is a tough, exhausting, un-rewarding, soul-sucking, and constant mandate to prove the support they have for their female feminist masters.
Ben’s mistake was one he was born with, one that all of us terrible male shitlords who breathe oppression suffer from on a daily basis – he is male.
This is the original sin of not just 3rd wave feminism, but of much of today’s social justice tripe that focuses on only your biology, while entirely ignoring your character.
The Entitled Interaction
Our story begins with a message to a Buzzfeed writer, Grace Spelman who decided to air all of their personal dirty laundry which started this twitter lynch mob – something that should surprise none of you. (Note that when I tweeted at Ben, she suddenly followed me then blocked me. I reciprocated the favor.)
Ben used to be involved in a Harry Potter fan podcast and she friended him on Facebook because of that podcast about eight years ago. Forward to present day and a certain site had an article on Grace’s twitter – or instagram – profile as one with 10k followers that people should check out.
Well, he did just that and realized he knew her. He then sent her several tweets, to which she didn’t respond. So he sent her a message though Facebook, one that I must admit while somewhat humorous was awkward. (Another reason why men should learn about Game.)
Then he moved to Facebook. I politely told him I was seeing someone and then blocked him on FB & Twitter pic.twitter.com/k84dCJ3OrT
Consider some of the gems Grace has written for Buzzfeed.
“30 Shirts For The Weirdos In Your Life” with the sub header, “Embrace Your Inner Weirdo”. Besides all the shirts apparently being made off Zazzle’s shirt maker in 30 seconds, that inner weirdo embrace definitely didn’t seem to apply to Ben.
18 Pickup Lines You Should Try Immediately” I particularly enjoyed “6. I noticed your arm grazed against my sweater. Pretty soft, huh? Go ahead, feel it. Do you know what it’s made of? Cashm-—CRAP, I mean, “boyfriend material.” I’m sorry. I’m really nervous.“
18 Sexts You’d Actually Love To Get. My personal favorite, “About to go through your Facebook and like all your profile pictures.” That’s not at all creepy and stalkerish that every male feminist should embrace…
Ben would then send her an apology though email, which would be the last contact he would have with her.
It was here that Ben made a crucial mistake; he apologized to this nasty harpy innocent glorious snowflake princess worthy of all admiration. His mistake is highlighted in Mike Cernovich’s excellent post, “How To Survive A Public Shaming” which I suggest you all read and thoroughly take to heart, because any of you male feminists – no matter how devoted to the cause – could become next.
What remains to be seen is why Grace felt compelled to publish the messages and emails, despite the apology. No, I’m joking. Never, ever, apologize to people like her. They don’t want an apology, they want blood.
They would get that blood when Spelman shared these conversations between them available to the ever controversy and outrage hungry feminist audience. (In all fairness, Ben did express his fustration on twitter before Spelman made these public.)
The Bleeding Frenzy
The timing of this was of course fantastic. It all happened right during the hashtag prominence of #ThingsFeminstMenHaveSaidToMe. A male villain to go with the tag had just presented himself and confirmation bias would strike a vicious blow with Ben as its target.
Eight hit pieces came within a matter of 72 hours from sites that all publish articles concerning Feminism and how it also care’s about men. I thought I was a terrible piece of sexist misogynistic male anti-feminist racist homophobic transphobic ableist trash, but I would have nothing on one of their own, namely Ben Schoen.
I didn’t even bother linking the hordes of other ones off blogs. I’d estimate there are over 100 different sites which covered his terrible misogynistic actions. These actions of his were of course so atrocious, that they make women cower in fear for their very lives every time they sneak a look at Twitter, read an email, or browse through Facebook in search of the powerful patriarchal oppressors who control every aspect of society.
These articles would direct thousands of tweets to Ben’s twitter, all telling him what a terrible misogynistic piece of shit he was. His tweets specifically were pointed out as tweet rape harassment as tweeting at someone must be a consensual activity governed by enthusiastic, clear, and concise verbal consent.
Feminist hurricane Spelman would continue to rage, but she would make one very interesting admission concerning why she didn’t accept the apology. This might not be as ideological driven on her part as I initially thought.
That angry mob spewing threats, harassment at Ben, and every other vicious form of Twitter rape at him was funny. I think we know who the real victim is here Scoob.
Yea, she found it funny, but the lynch mob angered over his vicious retaliatory responses to her “rejection” didn’t and they would continue to go after Ben.
This was all deliberately blown out of proportion for the sake of the cause – the unwilling martyrs of #ThingsFeministMenHaveSaidToMe – don’t matter.
The supposed sin that Ben committed was that he didn’t respond the “right” way – according to SJW feminist dogma- about how to handle his “rejection”. He was accused of the usual “male entitlement” when it comes to conversations with women. Observe the tactic from the NewYorkMag:
“The whole exchange is pretty emblematic of the inherent difficulties of rejecting men, both online and off. Women are frequently made to toe a line between being polite enough to not set off the suitor, but not so polite that their manners are interpreted as flirting.
“You can’t win in these types of situations,” Spelman told the Cut. “Even if you are polite in your rejection, they’ll demand that you tell them WHY you did it. It’s just a mixture of entitlement and the fragility of the ego … Because you don’t know how they’re going to handle it, you don’t know if you should be afraid or not.”
“I still am not quite sure if I should be scared of this guy or not,” she added.”
Considering who the mob’s pitchforks have been stabbing, I’d say Ben should be scared.
Now reverse the genders for a moment, and you will notice that this same concept of “entitlement” in regards to conversations between the genders is not applied. You will also notice a specific expectation – or dare we say entitlement – by feminist women as to how men should respond to “rejection” in conversations.
Who are the real entitled one’s here?
Rhetorical question, shitlord. Of course it’s us terrible male cis straight oppressors.
You will respond how they think you should, or you will be castigated with every “ist” and “ism” under the sun. They don’t care about the women and angry girlfriends in the thousands of YouTube videos who are destroying their ex’s car, home, possessions, and property. In fact, it’s considered funny. Humorous.
Now could Ben have initially handled it better?
Is it “harassment”?
No, not even close. But that’s the key tactic at play. If you can label this as harassment, Ben is a complete and utter shitlord, despite how ACTUAL interactions between men and women occur.
This is as much “harassment” as is Dish sending you two more additional letters asking if you would renew your Cable subscription with them.
Observe some of this BS
@GraceSpelman It reads like your typical sexual harassment case. Guy offers the promise of employment in exchange for fringe benefits.
You know what’s worse then being called a slut? Being called a creep. People at least want something from sluts. They prefer to completely avoid creeps. It’s not enough to shoot someone down, you have to label him in to practically an untouchable for his awkward approaches. That’s the kind of forgiving 3rd wave feminism encourages.
Think of what this entire situation implies to all male feminists out there.
Have an interest in a girl who is an ardent feminist and you are a male feminist?
Don’t bother. You are a manipulative oppressive betraying shitlord who is taking advantage of her trust placed in you as a worthless slave ally. In fact, expressing interest is harassment and a manifestation of Patriarchy, so back the hell away and check your privilege for the 1000th time today.
Obviously, you should wait for her to express interest in you, and if that never happens, too bad. Sit down, and shut up. Listen in silence like the slaves you are and make sure to kiss her shoes while you are bowing down, face to the ground.
The Disposable Cannon Fodder Ally
I ask myself, “How can one allow themselves to be treated with such disrespect and dehumanization?” Female feminists take their male allies for granted, that is why. They demand respect, but refuse to offer any in return.
Respect is earned, not given. Until male feminists realize this, they will be treated like dirt and disposable tampons for purely emotional use and support. Ben was then further accused of harassing her by threatening her job. Well, let’s look at what he said.
The so-called threat was Ben hinting that he was going to check Buzzfeed’s policies on the matter. Ben’s response:
Your article is printing a flat out lie. I never threatened her career. She started posting private emails and I said I would let her bosses know as that is against the policy of many media companies.
Of course, this was made out to be vicious harassment, despite the fact that companies like Buzzfeed have policies about not publishing people’s private emails and correspondence. As the infamous shitlord Vox Day has said, “SJWs always lie.”
Regarding his own employment, the mob would wish him well:
They literally blew up his private life, bringing up conflict between him and his ex-girlfriend who had been the co-partner of the site before he bought her out. His side of what happened in their relationship was irrelevant to their narrative.
Ben would go on a livestream with infamous and now Twitter banned Chuck Johnson to explain his side of the story.
During the interview Ben points out that he still identifies as a feminist – don’t ask me why he tortures himself. He did however make a key distiniction about it, “I am sincere about being a feminist when feminism truly means equality.”
Considering modern day feminism has nothing to with “equality” when men are the subject of conversation, that will happen when pigs fly across the English Channel.
Notice something else about these harpies; Both Ben and Chuck were attacked during their interview for their weight.
So much for Fat Acceptance.
While it’s amusing that they think grade-school like insults based on someone’s physical appearance will hurt them or their arguments, it highlights an internal inconsistency in the “fat is beautiful” crowd; the body positive image part of intersectionality -another faux cause feminism claims to advocate for – is subject specifically to the person in question.
If you don’t personally like them, that oppressive male shitlord should feel not only creepy, but ashamed of his overweight exterior which apparently is not very beautiful at all.
I have a question for you male feminists: Why do you let these small groups of malcontent harpies dictate no only how you should act, but how the rest of us of how should behave and respond in interactions between “insert marginalized/oppressed group here” and whoever else seems to rank lower in the progressive stack?
This whole fiasco and public shaming debacle is what happens to male feminists who are “Allies” and mess up – even slightly – regardless of their apologies. Yet woman like, Bahar Mustafa who writes #KillAllWhiteMen and bans certain people from diversity meetings because of their biology isn’t condemned or called out, but rather affirmed as an SJW of courage? She messed up that bad, and no lesser white feminists of note/faux journalists even called her out.
Speaking of her, shes actually Turkish. Turkey is a nation that has been oppressing everyone around it for over 500 years. Fun Fact: Talking about the Armenian genocide there is illegal, let alone acknowledging it, I consider her an oppressor whose privileged ancestors brutally murdered, oppressed, enslaved, subjugated, and genocided my ancestors for hundreds of years deeply and profoundly triggers me. Her ancestors are one of the primary reasons my ancestors have a hell of alot less today than they should have.
Back to you male feminists: You are considered scum of the earth by radical female feminists. Everyone else matter and needs a voice – except you. Your role is to listen and shutup. R.S. Mccain sums it up well, “Feminists who say their movement is about “equality” are lying. Feminism is a movement about power — absolute and unlimited power — and therefore the first rule for men in feminist movements is, SHUT UP. “
These man-haters aren’t even trying to hide it, in fact they are deliberately trying to make your life hell. Ever heard of Kafkatrapping? It’s a rather devious, sinister, and merciless tactic used to intimidate and bully “allies”.
“No matter how “nice” you are to a feminist, she will never respect you. The feminist always mistakes male kindness for weakness, and is incapable of gratitude toward males, so that being “nice” to her will only serve to convince her of how infinitely contemptible you are — a servile lackey, a fawning slave who appeals to her sadistic impulses.”
Here’s a confession: I’ve slept with two self-identifying feminists who were well aware of what I think about feminism and social justice. It didn’t matter. Ever wonder why they choose to sleep with “misogynistic sexist deuchebags” like myself instead of their male servants who think all the right things but aren’t ever seen as even the slightest romantic and/or sexual possibilities? (Of course being attractive, good at sex, in good shape, and having some game greatly helps, as it did in my case.)
The call-out culture these feminists in their Twitter lynch mob happily engage in as they target Ben is toxic. However, when fighting a war involving scorched earth – I mean men who have their lives and reputations deliberately destroyed to try to make them permanently unemployable (Yes, some women as well) – I encourage all of you to engage in like reciprocity of call-outs and shaming with feminists who throw the first punch.
Fight back. Stop calling yourself a feminist, because the movement isn’t just not about men, it despises them. There are men and women out there who actually care about you and want you to succeed and prosper as a man, despite the tripe and lies feminists spew about them.
“As feminists, we rightfully put the interests of women first, and we are sceptical of ostensibly feminist arguments that appeal to men’s interests.Solidarity should motivate the privileged in their struggle for change, not self interest; to make an analogy, it would be offensive and misguided to ask the black leaders of the Ferguson movement against police violence to tout the benefits of anti-racism to white people. Likewise, feminists should not be obliged to sell feminism to angry men.”
“But I would offer another analogy: when we combat fascism, it behooves us to offer an alternative to those that fascists would recruit. We may not be able to reach the most hateful misogynists, but feminists must directly attack the false ideology of men’s rights. We must offer a real answer for men consumed by anxiety, and especially those who feel a sense of sexual frustration.”
Avoid vicious women and men like this. Avoid people who label themselves as such feminists and constantly use social media to go after people’s jobs. They don’t care about you. They only care about your original sin- that you were born with the wrong set of genitals.
—— Grace Spelman has had her spotlight, online fame, and reputation boosted from this encounter from the internet trampling of Ben. Evidence of this and her hypocrisy will be exposed and documented in a later article.
A few weeks back, I attended the rather family friendly music and entertainment fest known as “Summerfest” in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Me, my best friend Tim, and one of our other friends Bill all drove up together to “enjoy” the fest and the insane price of beer which averages 8$ for a splendid cup of piss-water domestics such as Miller Lite. We had several hours to kill before we would see “A Day To Remember” and “Linkin Park”
Before A Day To Remember started, a rather terrible band by the name of “PLP MVR” began to play – my guess is that they won a contest to open up for what was rather a large crowd in the Marcus Amphitheater on the summerfest grounds.
Me, Tim, Bill and several other people all joined in making pointed jabs at how bad the band was. I overheard one guy near us remark, “This is like a bad trip from shrooms without the shrooms.” He was of course quite correct. The band was literally dressed up in costumes that resembled “furries” and the drummer looked like Barf from Mel Brooks classic parody, “Spaceballs.”
Now this is necessary to disclose: if I’m honest, I have a loud mouth, am outspoken, and sarcastic.
No, this isn’t a bad thing, and I fully embrace this part of my personality and utilize it – it gets me laid. Unbeknownst to me, a large and fat tall man about two benches down was fuming and I didn’t see the steam pouring from his ears.
Instantly a giant of a man – about 6.2 or 6.3 was out of his seat in what seemed to be slow motion and suddenly was winding up his fist to take a swing in my direction. My best friend Tim managed to put himself in between the beast – who was at least two times my size – and myself. I’m lucky, because I frozen. No warning, nothing. He hadn’t said anything to me or Tim and Bill, so there had been no indication that he was angry.
I froze like a piece of ice in -30 degree weather.
I would have taken several punches before my instincts of getting away would have kicked in. (More on that later. It was then and there, I decided I was going to have to de-escalate the situation and it meant that I was going to have to essentially beg for mercy. I did.
“I’m sorry man, you’re right, you are right!!!
“You are Right!”
I pumped this phrase out multiple times in under a minute and it seemed to get him to back down after the first initial, “You little punk ass bitch.” (Note that’s all I remember of the insults he managed to spew. That and something about beating my ass.) Somehow, I was consciously aware that I didn’t want my best friend taking punches to the face for me, nor for our other friend Bill right besides me to have the same happen to him.
Note, this is basic placation on my part and you’d be surprised how many people’s ego you can stroke and in the meantime the bombs you can defuse by uttering the phrase, “You are right”. On some sub-conscious level, hearing that from a perceived opponent makes us feel victorious.
If you don’t already know, I’m one of those “lover not a fighter” types. Also, remember, this guy is at least twice my size.
When situations have gotten “dangerous”, I’ve always been able to evade possible brutes by the fact that I’m simply much faster, nimbler, quicker, and in better shape in my 5 foot 7 body. Luckily, I have more aggressive physical friends who are willing to get in trouble with the law to fight off guys they consider to be picking on me; someone who is usually “not my size.” Note, those specific friends WERE NOT THERE.
My pride was somewhat thrashed, but my face was intact. That’s actually a big deal, because my face is my moneymaker and what has allowed me to land girls with my game still needing plenty of work.
Minutes later, the thought continued to roar through my head…
Why didn’t I quickly bounce off my seat and dart away?
I’m fast, quick, and agile. I pride myself on it.
Why I had been frozen stiff like a piece of cardboard?
The amphitheater benches around us had plenty of room for me to jump off my seat and simply jump step from one bench to another and eventually down to security in the lower deck area and the various police on duty for the event.
Now in my defense, I really wanted to see both of these bands – specifically Linkin Park who I had never experienced live. I didn’t want to take a chance in us getting kicked out and I prefer to avoid contact with the police whenever possible. (Insert my half middle-eastern identity politics card right here.) I now believe I showed the proper discretion in apologizing profusely and preventing an actual all out brawl between this guy and the three of us.
Chances are, we would have all been kicked out and it would have been my fault considering it was my loud mouth that essentially kickstarted the entire debacle. The price of the tickets, gas, ect would not have been the only issue, but taking off work, and finding another time and date the bands were coming through would have caused me to hurt the night my friends had anxiously anticipated for weeks now..
Later the next day, I mentioned this experience to Tim’s cousin Justin who is also both of our best friends; the three of us are like brothers. (All three of us have known each other for over 15 years as well as having lived together.)
(1) Justin mentioned that he can remember at least one time, I essentially dissed some girl – easier to do then you realize – in a bar and two of her male friends were about to white knight and beat the shit out of me. Again, luckily for me Justin and two of his more physical friends were there who have a reputation in the town and those two white knights backed down. (2) In fact, I can recall another time where a friend of mine mentioned that my loud mouth at a bar was attracting the attention of at least one guy who looked like he wanted to fight me. He pointed this out later that night, and I was again completely oblivious to it.
Confession: I haven’t been in a physical fight since first grade. I was THAT sheltered. Or if you look at court costs, tickets, and fines these days perhaps I was that wise and mature. Either way, I don’t know how to defend myself besides “legging” it.
Lacking “Flight or Fight” Instincts
This all caused me to realize I have a glaring deficiency; I dont have strong instincts. I didn’t see that guy coming at all, nor was I aware of the white knights who were looking to beat my ass.
What happens if my friends aren’t there one of these times? I’m a rather outspoken person when conversations occur, and at some point, it will land me in trouble, because I won’t back down from what I say, I’ll just hightail it away. Now, while I’ve shot some firearms and I fervently watch the UFC, I have no real idea how to throw a proper punch or how to defend myself, so I count on my quickness and speed to get myself out of dangerous situations. In this case none of that matter; I was essentially blindsided and oblivious to him until his fist was raised and I noticed Tim was in front of me. I was frozen stiff and only was then suddenly registering what was about to happen. .
What use is my speed and quickness to avoid punches if I wasn’t able to see them coming? Take note that the guy was (1) two benches down from me (2) had to climb up towards me (3) at his easily bulging 350+ pounds he was probably much slower then me considering just how obese he was.
It took this experience to show me this and it’s one I won’t forget anytime soon. Any man should know how to defend himself and have the instincts to do it – especially considering that I want a wife and kids – so I better know and be able to protect them.
As one astute commenter pointed out, “Isn’t fight-or-flight the accepted response to danger to one’s physical wellbeing? In the case of being surprised by a angry boar or a potential mugger, I’m not sure “tend-or-befriend” are a valid fundamental dichotomy.” I faced a walking fat bear, and I was definitely surprised.
(4) Pyschology Today suggested in “Is Our Survival Instinct Failing Us?” that the instinct doesn’t even work well in modern warfare and again dealt with “stress.” (5) Calm Clinic again addressed stress, but emphasized exercise as a way to cope with anxiety. It did however bring up the point that we face a “lack of dangers”, which perhaps suggest that this is an issue of training.
Quintus Curtius in his masterful book, “Thirty Seven: Essays On Life, Wisdom, And Masculinity”, addresses the idea of training and education for young men in chapter seven of the book by drawing on Italian humanist and literal Renaissance man, Pier Paolo Vergerio, for inspiration. Quintus sums up Vergerio’s points regarding the issue of training and education with 27 points, three of which are pertinent to what happened to me.
11. The finest studies for leadership are those based on arms (military) and letters (history, philosophy, languages, and rhetoric). Everyone wants to be learned in old age, but to achieve this one must start early and exert “zealous effort.” Being learned in letters and arms will provide a remedy against “sloth” and solace in the face of worry and stress.
16. The training of the body is of paramount importance. It should be conditioned from a young age for rigorous service, military ability, and endurance. Young men should be hardened from a young age to endure pain and discomfort of all sorts , so that they are not broken by the strains of life and struggle. They should also be taught to “dare great things.” The Cretans and Spartans valued hunting, running, wrestling, and jumping, and sought ways to train themselves to endure hunger, thirst, cold, and heat. Luxuries weaken the mind and body.
19. Since battle tactics are constantly changing, a forward thinking youth will attempt to master the martial arts and self-defense arts of his day. This should include mastery of weaponry, personal combat skills , horsemanship, and movement over rugged terrain carrying heavy loads or equipment. There are many different kinds of combat. “For things are done one way in a melee; another when the decision rests on a battle formation; another when there is an infantry charge, and another when combat takes the form of a duel.”
Unfortunately, I was never taught martial arts, tactics, or any training of the body. I won’t make the same mistake with my kids however.