Will It Be Possible For Our Kids To Find A Spouse?

Picture is from The Spruce.

Pandora’s Sexual Box

Rod Dreher may be labeled a cuckservative on many an occasion, but I find his blog at the American Conservative to be quite relevant to the situation of many Christians and those shocked liberals who wonder how such an “immoral” man like Trump could have been elected president.

He makes the following point in a post about the accusations swirling around G.H.W. Bush and Weiseltier and how loose the definition of sexual assault is and what it means for our kids when they enter the dating market in their futures.

“In this climate, I can well imagine that people are scared to death to show the slightest romantic interest in anybody in the workplace, for fear that they’ll be accused of “sexual assault.” How are people supposed to meet each other for normal human courtship, then? I ask this as the father of two sons and a daughter. I don’t want these kids to grow into adults who sexually harass or who are sexually harassed. But I also worry about false accusations that could ruin them professionally and personally. If you aren’t worried about this too, you aren’t paying attention.”

(Yes, I do actually enjoy reading Rod and I think the Benedict Option is a worthy alternative.)

While the left has been annihilating any of the Christian moral foundations to American law and culture, they haven’t come up with any coherent worldview to indoctrinate the populace and the “identity” based alternatives they offer have caused a backlash from people who don’t want to turn the other cheek.

In fact, they don’t even care about being Christian.  It’s a nominal thing for them just like it is for those Muslims who were born into it, but prefer life in the West with booze, drugs, and fast sex.  They have no “faith” to hold them back to the moral high ground.

Indeed, a wake-up call for those who were convinced that the less “religious” people became, the more “progressive” and educated they would become.  I suppose Trump’s election are making a few on the left quite woke.

Now remember, when prudish backward bigoted Christians pointed out the Pandora’s box that would be unleashed with unbridled and encouraged sexual degeneracy, they were dismissed, ridiculed, and of course labeled.

Now that the box is open and the Titans are wreaking havoc without restraint.   Women, like men,  were encouraged by feminists to engage in sexual deviancy and meaningless hook-ups in a culture and system that still retained the foundations and some men influenced by the Christian moral framework.

That’s gone. Tinder is here, and everyone is meat.

Those of us who don’t lie to ourselves know that men and women respond to sex differently and that women regret one night-stand far more than men.   Obviously sex being more emotional for women and physical for men is misogyny.

Well, now the cultural identity left is forced to scramble to rectify the new imbalances created when they opened Pandora’s box.   That includes the “Dear Colleague” letter on Title IX,  an ungodly obsession with “sexual assault”, the constant attacks on “toxic masculinity”, demonizing of any male spaces, and an overall attempt to make men pay – in anyway possible – for pumping and dumping.

It has already turned the dating scene for many men – and women – into a nightmare.  High insane unreasonable standards are thrust into normalcy.  Blue collar men are thrown out of pool right away and single mothers and divorced women in their late 30s to early 40s are treated as potential booty calls at most.

The Depressing World Our Children Will Inherit

I try to avoid a pessimistic mindset when it comes to the future, but in this situation and circumstance the current reality seems to be growing worse.   Me and my wife have two young infant sons.

What will the dating world look like for them when they go out and try to find a woman worthy of marriage?  (Which means definitely not in the workplace anymore.)

As their Father, I will impart into them all of the “Red Pill” knowledge and wisdom I’ve accrued – admittedly not that much compared to better men out there. However, I fear they will be punished for their realistic attitudes, noble intentions, and their eventual ascent into manhood.

Rod makes a good point as to the kind of world our kids are going to enter when it comes to trying to find a spouse.  I too am wondering just how far this insanity is going to go – on top of the increased hatred of men that my sons are certain to experience in a bleak future.

If they go through a similar “prodigal son” phase as I did, will it cost them everything?  Will I have to tell them to video record their encounters just in case they have bad judgement?

If “affirmative” consent is being seriously considered – which it has via implementation as law in places like California, what will that mean when my sons engage in actual flirting, mannerisms, and “game” that makes women actually want to talk to them, date them, etc?  Will asking a girl out immediately equate to “sexual harassment”?

Before I met my wife, I would go to bars with friends.  I recall one time where a semi-drunk girl came up to me and started grinding on my body a bit as I was standing with my back turned to her. She also kissed my neck.  She gave me that “Ewww” vibe.

I didn’t see her as attractive and I wasn’t looking for an easy bang/getting laid that night – more of a guys night out – so I nicely and gently pushed her away and went to the other side of the bar. I wasn’t harsh about it, but it took a bit of effort to claw her off me so to speak.

I didn’t give her permission. I certainly wasn’t “inviting” it with my demeanor and behavior at the time. Was it sexual harassment or even sexual assault?  If you accept the feminist concept of it, then you bet your ass it is.  Should I post #MeToo and try to find out who this girl is shame her, get her fired from her job, etc?  Apparently so.

Rod links to a series of tweets by Cathy Young who makes some astute points on what we are unleashing:

On the other end, I’ve done similar things. I’m a firm believer in physical touch and slow escalation when mingling out in public – granted touching ones arm, shoulder, etc. If a girl didn’t like it, they usually moved away from me or in the very rare case would tell me not to touch them. That was the end of it.

So it comes down to that “permission” concept. The sexual revolution and it’s current sense of how any kind of sexual anything goes doesn’t seem to reconcile with how sex and human interaction works. Yet the irrational idea of “affirmative consent” is making its way out of colleges and into law.

It used to be a given that if you were with someone, even married to them, usually you didn’t need “permission” to initiate affection with them. Now this is under scrutiny, if not direct assault.

My wife doesn’t get “affirmative consent” from me when she wakes me up in the middle of the night when she’s feeling a sudden burst of passion. Sometimes I go with it, sometimes I end up pushing her off – both often in a semi sleep state which she tells me about in the morning. (In my defense, I have a high sex drive, but wifes is even higher.)

By the logic coming from these people on “sexual harassment/assault” every couple must be doing it to each other every day.  Sometimes I’m tired and I don’t feel like having sex, but I oblige my wife who desires the release.  Again feminists will find it border line rapey – diminishing the true horror the concept should incur within us.

That leaves us in a place where anyone scorned has massive power. Eventually it will go overboard the Salem Witch Trials and have a stop put to it. Thing is, how many relationships and people will be utterly ruined before that happens?  The tally is rising in the moral paragon of Hollywood and media who lectured us about our bigoted misogyny and these shitlists of the accused are coming out all over.

We let this sexual “freedom” out of the bottle, but we never did examine those implicit parameters which guided it prior. We assumed the nature of the beast would be enjoyed in the same way it was before. Now people are finding out everything has to be “set in stone” to the point of killing how humans sexuality and romance actually occurs.

Now we are in for a turbulent unpredictable future – something that doesn’t bode well for allowing a society to remain stable.

Are You A Red Pilled Addict To Schadenfreude?

Recently I stumbled across an older article entitled “Are Men Still Hunting?”.   The author while an SJW feminist laments that men aren’t the aggressors anymore when it comes to approaching women.  (She follows up here.)  I saw some comments and added a cordial one of my own.

What stood out were comments strewn about how women were reaping what they’ve sown because of feminism and great pleasure was expressed about it. Okay that’s true as well as bits about how approaching can be easily construed as sexual harassment these days.

An overall glance of said comments prompted a realization;  many of us are too busy reveling in womens laments and pain to care about doing anything to help.  All we have is schadenfreude – and it appears to be a serious addiction.  That’s only a few steps away from being a miser who loves miserly company.

Not surprisingly, it was the MGTOWS who here enjoying her lamentations the most. While one phase of the Red Pill is a justifiable anger and bitterness phase, I’m starting to notice a slew of men who don’t come out of it. Ever.

Is this all you have?

Instead of any meaningful self improvement and actually finding a girl they enjoy, their primary driving factor for happiness is the misery of women – feminists in particular.  They are addicted to schadenfreude.  This wasn’t quite the Red Pill you thought you swallowed.

Take for example a post I dug up off the MGTOW boards in which “MikeTOW” admits he enjoys when women are haunted by their bad decisions:

Maybe this makes me a sicko, but I get pleasure when women put themselves into predicaments.

My favorite is when a woman turns down every good man who pursues her only to throw herself at the man who is blatantly a scumbag. Then when the scumbag man mistreats her, she whines and cries about how “there are no good men out there” and “all men are jerks”. Instead of learning from her mistake, she blames men and then REPEATS THE CYCLE!

Back in my mangina days I would try to console those women and reassure these women that there are certainly good men out there. These days I don’t care. And in fact, I find it amusing.”

Okay, yea I get it.  I loathe tumblr feminism as well and do my fair share of blasting self-entitled harpies on RVF boards.  And yes, I do admit sometimes getting satisfaction seeing the worst offenders reap all of the venom they’ve sown – especially male feminist white knights.   The anger?  I understand feeling it the lies we were told as well as the women who rejected us for Chads and now are facing the consequences.

However, don’t you ever feel a sense of sadness for them?    While they’ve bought into and advocate for an ideology which will make them miserable – and those around them, I often desire to apply actual burn ointment to their 1st degree roasted souls.

Obviously, the differeing worldviews make most online dialogue with them pointless, fruitless, and not worthy of your time.   In spite of this when you come across posts like hers, try avoiding another, “haha bitch” type comment that burns as well as points out what feminism has wrought.

Instead maybe just try a semi-neutral heart felt internet hug.  Will another comment debunking feminism change their mind and undo years of influence under a feminist worldview? No.

Here’s a question I would put plainly to them without snark: “What do you really want?”  You’ll find most women do want to fall in love. Romance. Be swept off their feed by a studly chad.   The truth hurts, but it can be presented with chocolates rather then a spear to the stomach.  Honey for the flies instead of vinegar.

I find that when I’ve talked to feminists face-to-face, as well as women in general that are very discouraged with their dating prospect, an honest genuine heaping of advice can get past the normal “blockers” and at least onto the plate as food for thought.  When a critique is done with kindness, the openness can be shocking.  (Plus it helps that they know you have no romantic interest in them – in my case being married and all.)

The Effects of Misery

When women are miserable in particular, it deeply affects them and those around them. Perhaps they deserve it – especially the slut walkers – but do we look past what they deserve for a moment?

Being constantly in a state of war is exhausting – especially when the enemy is a never ending source of social media and blog posts that are filled with venom.  Some rad fems may deserve to be burned by the fire they spew, but is mercy ever an option? I’d like to believe so. That Nietzsche quote about gazing into the monster seems to apply here.

Perhaps I’m mellowing a bit, but at a certain point I’d like to see relations between men and women improve wihout some sort of Mad Max like collapse of society – even if those in question aren’t worthy.    The author in question might have better luck at a Friday Night Magic tournament where she is surrounded by lots of men and almost no women – so why not point it out?

We know many women who wish they were approached by men they would find attractive.  For many it won’t happen.  However, we can at least make suggestions to help them make the best of their chances and interactions without malice dripping from our fangs.     (Especially if we know them.)

Who knows, maybe finding a guy they fall in love with might bring them out of their stupor.  It has for many a woman. Maybe she and they can be one of them – certainly a good thing for culture and society.

Tanzila Ahmed Doesn’t Date The White Devil

Tanzila Ahmed: A noble advocate of letting white men know what devils there are.

“Mooooom!” I exclaimed, exasperated. “I would never marry a white guy! I would marry anything but white. Person of color, only.”

“Ehhh!” Mom responded, frustrated. “Why not? He could convert!”

“It’s like being with the colonizer. Or an oppressor. I can’t do that.”

– Tanzila Ahmed: Oppressed Bangladesh girl overwhelmed in a world of evil white supremacy.

You may be asking yourself, who the hell is Tanzila Ahmed?  Before we begin, you need to check your privilege, you sick oppressive male and probably white shitlord devils.

Since I’m half/white and half/middle-eastern, I’ll only proceed to check it half-way.  Oh wait, genocide and slavery cards erases it all together.  The beauty of identity politics.

Now we can proceed.

How Social Justice Destroyed A Woman’s Love Life

Let’s get some context on Tanzila Ahmed so we can get a good idea of who she is and the noble ideas she stands for.

Tanzila Ahmed: A noble advocate of letting white men know what devils there are.

So what happened to her?

Well, she was fresh-faced, eager, and full of life.  And then she fell.  Her face to the foe, which took no mercy, would be that of the terrible white devil first boyfiend which would make her dating life irrecoverable.

Yes, it’s a shocking and harrowing tale.

She has one hell of a harrowing tale to tell all you oppressors out there.  It just so happens that she is one of the writers for “Love, InshAllah” a site that offers “fresh perspectives on love” that are so damn fresh, they may no longer represent any actual Islamic doctrine on love, marriage, and all that freaky frisky banter between the genders.  Yes, just the two genders.

In a fantastic and brilliant column filled with a rich and thorough analysis of the Quran, Ahmed – a Bangladesh immigrant – pens a wise and must-read treatise on why she doesn’t date white men simply entitled, “Why I Don’t White Men.” though she is willing to make one exception:

Why does Ahmed “strongly disprove of the white devil men? Her foray into social justice and activism would build a foundation so strong and impervious to empathy and compassion that all barriers and annoyances had to be removed – even the romance of love.  Prepare for an inferiority-complex so strong and ingrained, that it makes the Kardashian sister’s feud about who is more famous look like a Dr. Seus story.

This complex and it’s horrifying results wouldn’t just be limited to her, but her fellow revolutionary compatriots would affirm their romantic breakdowns in all too saddening detail.   Behold one of the comments that in particular caught my privileged shitlord eye; a comment by Hong Gwi-Seok (Peggy) who loved her white husband with all of her heart:

“i hear you. thank you for the beautiful, insightful, honest writing. i am korean american and was married to a white man for 26 years (stayed to raise our 3 kids). as i evolved in my racial identity, he could not come along. he took every criticism of white supremacy personally, so that i felt like i could not speak from my heart to him. he had too much privilege over me, so that i felt second class in my own home. having been there, done that, i am now choosing to be joyfully unpartnered, no money but in the midst of radical community, doing my life’s work.”

Yea, fuck my marriage so I can be joyfully un-partnered because “white privilege” and “white supremacy” are crushing my evolving racial identity.    Her partners refusal to bend over and take it in the ass everyday for the cause of social justice permanently destroyed their passion.

I am still flabbergasted by that comment and just how much social justice ideology could destroy a marriage. Perhaps, we should be less worried about “toxic masculinity” and more worried about toxic racial identity. 

Ahmed would prove to be a rather rebellious ardent and pious Muslim who would actually date men who weren’t Muslim – a sin worthy of family expulsion if you know about the penalties of dating a non-Muslim.

Childhood And The White Oppressors

Ahmed would begin her slow descent into a curious inner narcissism. It would begin in school, in which she was always the girl in the way of the other girls that the guys really wanted to talk to.  She didn’t take this well.  It of course wasn’t her fault, but rather of everyone else.

“The thing was, as a child of immigrants in the 80s, the good Bangladeshi Muslim boys in my age range were few and far between. The crushes I developed were the same crushes that all the girls in my grade school developed: on blond, blue-eyed, athletic, popular boys.”

Note, one should definitely ignore the racial demographics of the highschool and how it IS NOT in Bangladesh concerning “cute boys”.   It wasn’t that she developed her own taste for what was attractive in a boy based on the actual boys in the school, but rather it was environmental influence of those boy-stealing white girls who always seem to prevail – hooting, hollering, and reveling in their white privilege.

Those terrible white cis straight girls.  What oppressors.

“By the time I was in high school, this taste was fully developed. Of course, I never acted on my crush – dating was haram, and my parents would never allow it. But what did it matter anyway? As a brown girl, I wasn’t attractive to these boys either. They were drawn to the tall, blonde cheerleaders. I was always the sidekick to the pretty girls – the geeky, nerdy, student government, asexual, “other” Muslim brown girl. I was the girl that guys would talk to so that they could get closer to my pretty best friends.”

This terrible and traumatizing experience would destroy her self-esteem instilling in her a subconscious desire for revenge and disdain for the white man and his cultural supremacy… in the US… where he makes up 70% of the population, but I digress.

As she displays later and throughout the post, this embrace of social justice would eventually jeopardize her last and final relationship with the white devil, as she just couldn’t be true to herself.  She would describe some of the “problems” with her first oppressive straight white male boyfiend.

“During those years, I was also learning about what it means to be a person of color and how white supremacy plays out in the U.S. In the petri dish of our relationship, I noticed how his white privilege compared to my lack thereof. I had overwhelming student loans, made much less money then him,”

Yes, because “white supremacy” is having less student loans then someone else.  Reverse it, and then let that shit sink in.

“Our relationship came to an explosive end near election day, 2004. I promised myself that I would never actively date a white man again. I needed to get on solid ground on what it meant to be a Desi, an American, and a racial justice activist. I hated the feeling of constantly being reminded of how little power I had as a woman of color. It felt hypocritical to my political beliefs to be dating white.”

Yes, one of the best reasons to break up a relationship is because you need to find yourself as an activist on a quest for power. More power.  That last sentence is a real beauty.

“Most importantly, my career was about training and educating people on social justice issues. The last thing I wanted to do was come home to a space where I had to continue to educate. I wanted to be in a relationship where I could be my full self, no explanation or education needed. He embodied privilege: white privilege, class privilege, gender privilege, education privilege. How could I be in a relationship with a person who constantly reminded me of how much I was lacking?”

Re-read those last two sentences one more time.

Her boyfiend at the time had committed the cardinal original sin of social justice – he was born with white privilege.  Of course it was too much of a strain to “educate” the white devil on his white privilege devilry, because his innate privilege was just too much.

Sit back and take that in.


Fuck that.  His social, class, gender, and education privileges render him as a person to not only be irrelevant, but scum of the white-washed earth.

“When you are dating as a woman of color, it’s a struggle. But when you are “poor” and dating, the struggles are nuanced and different. Passing becomes of the utmost importance. Pretending to have privilege is paramount.”

I always wonder to myself why dating as a “woman of color” is any more difficult then the destroyed dating market the rest of the population is dealing with.   But, I’ll take her word for it, less I be a misogynistic sexist male shitlord – because when women tell you something, you should always believe them, even if it makes no actual sense.

Wait, let’s check that privilege again.


Assumptions About Objects On The Spreadsheet

Okay resume and observe this four paragraph description in which Ahmed makes about the sheer insane amount of different class and cultural filters she ran these men through:

“You wonder what your significant other will say when they see the peeling paint on the walls of your parents’ house, or the roof that needs repair. How what you thought was a middle class home will be perceived as less than when viewed by privileged eyes. How they’ll see your immigrant parents as less intelligent because of their thick accents. How will they even communicate? Will he remember not to touch you or kiss you while they are watching?

You wonder if you pass enough. You weren’t raised to understand the importance of brands and labels, but as an adult have had to learn enough so that you can have conversations about his car, or her purse, or their baby stroller. You wonder if your first date outfit says attractive or exudes cheap. When he orders food for you, you pretend that you know what you are eating, that chewy calamari or slimy oysters. You tout your master’s degree, but you are careful to not talk about how you carry the weight of your school debt because you learned early on that not everyone carries debt the way you do. You avoid conversations about how you had to work as a teen or how your parents borrow money from you. You hope, after looking at the menu, that this is one of the dates where he picks up the bill.

You choose your words carefully. Never say the words that gave away your improper pedigree, avoid the words you never learned to say. Google big words before saying them just to make sure you are using them correctly. Be carefully vague. Say your Mom works “at the airport” instead of as a cashier in the airport parking lot. Say Dad was an engineer and is now semi-retired. There’s no need for them to hear your family’s survival stories. Talk about how your parents own their house, but don’t talk about how it was almost taken away, or how you the roof leaks now and there’s no money to fix it. When they ask, “Why don’t you put it on your credit card?” pretend you don’t have credit cards for ethical reasons, not because you wouldn’t be approved for one.

You are careful to highlight the “exotic” nature of being brown – how you eat fancy “Indian” dishes, when really you ate at home because it was the cheapest. How you do yoga at home, but fail to mention that it’s because Indophile yogis in Silverlake studios annoy you. Nod when they note the Third World poverty of your motherland. Pretend to know enough about South Asian foreign policy so you don’t look stupid when they mention something they learned in their private school education. Talk about the non-violence movement and smile when they say Gandhi is inspiring. Don’t talk about family vacations as a child – because your only family vacations involved seeing extended family in Bangladesh. Suppress your look of envy when you hear their stories about sleep-away camps, cruise ship family vacations, or family dinners at fancy restaurants.”

Wow. No wonder dating is so damn hard for her. She assumes the absolute worst about all perspective romantic possibilities and turns every encounter into a sitcom where every situation is cringe worthy and awkward.   It’s not about her character as a person, but about the clothes she has and the important degree she doesn’t know if she mention or not.

I don’t know about you, but based on those four paragraphs, I can feel the connection and sparks of romance in the air.

It almost seems like she is talking about “objects” in a spreadsheet that are being run through a complex dating algorithm on OKCupid.    Take the movie the “Notebook”, insert two robots with deficient programming, and reverse the entire plot of the movie and her qualms start to make more sense.

What missing in this miring complexity of cultural, racial, economic, and every other fucking possible factor of diversity?

Love. Romance. Passion. The stuff of every romance movie of the last 5 decades.

All the stuff that makes our stomachs flutter and our ladies giggle.  Suffice to say, but I thought most actual living human beings in most Western countries date for love and don’t give a shit about your motherland, your weird cultural dishes, or how much money you or your family has.

“So you give up on dating. Because when it comes down to surviving and finding love, you can’t figure out how to do both sanely at the same time. You’d rather survive alone. And you wonder, how long you can pass until people discover you are a poser. Or if you’ll spend the rest of your life simply passing.”

She now has nothing left – except for her books, cats, and racial community classes.

“Tanzila Ahmed is an activist, storyteller, and politico based in Los Angeles. She can be heard and read monthly on the #GoodMuslimBadMuslim podcast and Radical Love column respectively.”

Well, fancy that.

I don’t know about you, but she definitely appears to be very fulfilled with her life and to be loving every moment of it. That’s how I want to be – an ideologue with a romance so strong, that education privilege can doom it to the dustbin of tumblr relationship advice gone terribly wrong.

You know, I’m not surprised that all the actual eligible Bangladesh men aren’t falling over each other in an attempt to grab this beautiful snowflake and carry her off to the magical lands of passionate love.   Also the fact that she seems to be about as much of a practicing Muslim as I am an ardent Buddhist is certainly scoring some major brownie points in her romantic favor.

For her sake and that of others, perhaps it’s best that Ahmed doesn’t date anyone – for a very long time. Or perhaps it’s just one big ploy to get those devil hunters out there and after her because those shriveling ovaries aren’t getting anymore fertile now that she’s in her 30s:

Hell, at least when I hooked up for the only time with a Muslim girl, our differences didn’t matter as much as the passion of the moment and my dazzling eyes that she couldn’t look away from did.  (Okay being half Armenian, good looking, and very knowledgeable about Muslim culture and history did help.)

Weight Loss and Caring About Your Friends

How much do you care about your friends?
How much do you care about your friends?

A friend of mine has been struggling in the dating market – to put it simply.  She wants a guy that is attracted to her, and she wants to share in that same reciprocity.   We will call her Liz.  A Facebook status about it went up.

(Disclosure: Liz had a crush on me for a long time.  Her weight was the main reason I didn’t share the same feelings.  You can’t force attraction. ) 

Now Liz isn’t exactly the most attractive girl, and the fact that she is overweight doesn’t make it any easier for her to improve this.   Most of her friends posted things like, “Oh you are sooooo pretty,” and “Guys will and/or should like you for your personality.”

I decided to be more honest, though I made sure to cushion it, “It wouldn’t hurt to lose some weight.”

Sensible advice right? Weight loss is one of the most effective ways to make yourself more attractive, assuming you are overweight.  Your 20s are a time when you should be making the most out of your looks – regardless of how limited they may be.   It is when you are at your physical prime.


Getting to a normal healthy weight?

Damnable fat shaming, body hate social media heresy.

One response involved something like, “Those people are shallow anyway, they should like you for who you are, and they wouldn’t be worth it if they don’t like you now.”

That’s flattering and to some extent is true, but it doesn’t nullify the fact that the potential dating pool of nice guys who may be interested in Liz for her personality and who she is are far and few between.   Then then throw in the percentage of “those”  nice guys who Liz is actually attracted to and the prospects are rather grim.

It is in fact a comfortable lie, but it ignores a fundamental truth; People are shallow. I’m shallow. Even those people who are not are very unlikely to give her a chance to reveal her inner beauty.

Instead of telling Liz the truth like real friends would, they continue to lie and tell her things she knows isn’t true.

As Andrew from TheRulesRevisited pointed out, in regards to a guy and his girlfriend,

“When you do these things, you are letting your girlfriend wallow in her mediocrity. If you tell your friend that she looks good when she doesn’t, she isn’t going to make an effort to look better next time”

You can boost her ego, but that won’t help her situation get any better. It also won’t promote REAL confidence.

Liz’s situation isn’t unique. It’s far more common then we realize and it means that there is a large group of people all seeking romance, but doing it with what is essentially a paper bag on their heads when compared to the more in shape parts of the population.

Basically there is an abundance of overweight people who don’t want fellow overweight people, but the slimmer more attractive folks they see in TV shows and film.   We all want a mate of the opposite sex who is more attractive then us.  (Excluding the 5% or lower of “other” sexual attractions.)

Don’t believe me?

A Large Nation-Wide Problem


Obesity and curse of being overweight have struck our society hard. Romance – or at least the possibility of finding it – is made even more difficult for a rather large percentage of the population:

  • Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are obese: 35.1% (2011-2012)
  • Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are overweight, including obesity: 69.0% (2011-2012)

Let’s not pull punches.  Being overweight and obesity has killed members on my dad’s side of the family because of things like heart disease, diabetes, and sleep apnea.   Thing is they already know about this and about how bad it is, but it’s so hard for them to lose the weight and there is a rather scary reason for it.

If we are perfectly honest, if you were overweight as a kid, it’s much harder to lose weight as an adult than it would be if you at a normal weight as a kid.

“The number of fat cells a person has is determined by late adolescence; although overweight and obese children can lose weight, they do not lose the extra fat”

What can we do with inconvenient truth?   Well, I could encourage her to “accept her body” and hope things get better.  Natural confidence right?  It won’t change the situation and it isn’t going to magically attract any “good-looking guys” to her,  but it should make her feel happy and proud about her body.

According to the body and fat acceptance crowd at Identities.Mic it will.

“The intersectional issues of size, health and weight loss are far more complicated than we’ve been led to believe, and this lack of understanding has led to weight-based discrimination becoming a serious problem across the world. Widespread anti-fat prejudice typically stems from misconceptions about health, weight and body positivity, and negatively affects millions of people every day.

People are allowed to make their own decisions regarding their own bodies, but we need to start treating people of all sizes with respect.”

Somehow, I don’t see how this is going to help these overweight people find the storybook romance they so desperately seek instead of the in-game WOW partner we are encouraging them to quest with.  Nor will it deal with the vicious health problems that will occur once you hit your 30s and later.  Note some damage is irreversible, and when that becomes the kind of body power/acceptance doesn’t seem very “feminist” to me.

Now, your life doesn’t exactly stop when you are overweight – nor should it,  but will you actually get the romance and love life you desire from the people you are attracted to?  The crew at RandolphRiot definitely seem to think so.

“Fat Fashion is all about women feeling comfortable in their own bodies no matter how big they are! This form of feminism is helping women feel empowered by their own bodies no matter how small or big the woman might be, and I believe that is an amazing accomplishment. This gives me hope!”

Hope.  It’s a big deal – for anyone. In fact without it, people have loss the will to live.  It can motivate you, but is the self-backlash worse if you realize the hope is false and/or misplaced?

“…Do you think this form of feminism can lead to the elimination of the perfect body image?”


Because people are visual creatures, and because some kind of “preferrable” standard will always exist.   We can eliminate all the current media driven standards on beauty and any words used to describe them, but culture will simply form new ones.    Why?

People are shallow.

I’m shallow.

However, most people aren’t going to wade through the unattractive waters to see if anything desirable lies beneath. Liz won’t be given the chance.  Perhaps those guys who don’t give her the chance aren’t worth it, but the guys who will?   Chances are, she isn’t going to be attracted to any of them.   I’ve seen it happen many times already.   Is there still a chance for the magical and mystical quest that is Romance?  Some fat-acceptance advocates on Psychology Today seem to think so:

“Love, sex and romance did not stop for close to a hundred million people! Let’s face it—we live in a culture that shames fat. An entire diet industry is built around that shame

We also live in a culture that shame cigarette smokers, but I suppose that doesn’t count. Well, is it shameful to encourage people to be healthier?

“The message that is being delivered in great big heaping doses is pretty simple: if you lose the weight—you will find love, romance and sex. Thin equals happy and entitlement. Fat equals broken and not worthy. What they don’t tell you is that there are plenty of unhappy thin people too. Thin is simply not the magic bullet”

She actually is right, but it will greatly increase your chances. People might actually give you a second look on Tinder before they swipe.  They might be more likely to help you out in the store – happens to me alot.  Guys might actually look directly at you for a while before looking at your friends next to you.

Is this mean?

At this point in the social justice epidemic, I can’t be bothered to care anymore if I want to continue merely drawing breath; thanks Tumblr and feminist fat acceptance screeds.   However, boosting their self-esteem by lying to them isn’t going to land them any more success in the dating market.   It doesn’t mean that they should give up and stop trying, but things could be much easier.

In case you don’t know, I’m actually a hopeless romantic.

Deep down, I want everyone to find someone to live that idea Notebook life with – that includes social justice warriors and ardent radical feminists.  I want them to experience love, romance, and that good old life that I myself desire.

Something else the manosphere has got wrong is its reaction to the fat acceptance movement and this whole “fat shaming” theory that is raging in the feminist blogosphere.   I’m not shocked that overweight obese feminists want to abort beauty standards, “cultural norms” of what is attractive, and the ideal body weight.  You would too if the men you were interested in were getting snagged by more attractive and fitter competition.

However, Fat Shaming” isn’t the answer.    If I’m brutally honest, I found ROK’s #fatshamingweek to be hysterical with some of their tweets.  Yes, I still find dark morbid jokes that deal with obesity to be funny.  (All or nothing when it comes to my take on comedy and what the limits are.)


As Mike has later realized, this does nothing to actually help, besides generating outrage, which it did very successfully.  None of that however is going to convince people to lose weight.  They already know they are overweight, and they know it is affecting them.    The hope you can provide support to the people you value in continuing to help them lose weight, exercise, and even diet.

What Can You Do?

If you really care about someone, you present them the cold harsh truth, but you are supportive in how you do it.  You are essentially giving a friendly critique, rather then a trolling criticism designed to make them feel more shitty.

Here’s a personal story that relates to my family:

My dad who was about 5 foot 7 inches and weighed over 360 pounds struggled to be able to do any exercise.   He started to rapidly gain weight when he hit about 23 and the weight just kept adding up.   Around 48, he started experiencing nausea, dizziness, feeling light-headed, and he was drinking an excess of water as he felt constantly thirsty.  He was was exhausted and never felt rested; his sleep apnea made this even worse.

A similar weight, lack of exercise, and bad diet had killed my dad’s father at only 54.  I was worried about his weight and so were my mom’s parents in particular.

What woke my dad up was finding out that he had the signs of type two diabetes.   From this point, he did everything he could to try to improve and change his diet.  He started to eat only whole foods, and avoided processed foods.  When he ate meat, it was grass-fed.  He would switch to actual raw milk.

Upon reading “Forks Over Knives” and doing a lot of his own research, he would become a Vegan for dietary reasons.  Fast forward just about two years and my dad has lost over 120 pounds.  He reversed the type 2 diabetes, has lower blood pressure than me, and has no signs of heart disease.

Just over a year into his Veganism, he started to be able to finally exercise, play floor hockey, and feel refreshed and full of energy.   (Note, I’m not a Vegan.)

That support is key.   Once you hit a certain threshold, it becomes VERY difficult to lose weight, like it was for my dad.  Often people’s jobs actively hinder exercise and our American time centered culture usually entails to many people frequently eating terribly on the run.

Often, I see many people in the fat acceptance movement promote the same kinds of lifestyles that killed my Grandpa so early as something to be embraced. It is isn’t and it rather angers and disturbs me that the movement is lying to people in the way it is.

However, that won’t blind me from the fact that it really is hard to lose weight, my dad being the anecdotal evidence.   My dad’s life didn’t come to a stop just because of his weight issues, but they were a profound barrier and hindrance to him living well, active, and actually enjoying each day.

People in the Fat Acceptance/Body Acceptance movement will stand by it, but sometimes it’s critics – myself included – overlook the efforts they put in to trying to live healthy lifestyle, being active, exercising,  losing weight, and trying to get healthier. (Diet may be the easiest approach at first.)  Instead of trashing them, we should be encouraging them.

Take for example a somewhat better known fat acceptance advocate by the name of Ragen Chastain who runs the advocacy site, “Dances With Fat”.   While we may facetiously chuckle at the title, Ragen is on the frontlines fighting the fat fight – but doing at least some of it in a healthy way.   She teaches a dance class, does some dancing herself, as well as from what I can tell some form of exercising.

Dancing is very good exercise.

She of course is a social justice advocate, member of the “fatosphere”, an ardent feminist, and she brings awareness to tumblrisms like, “Thin privilege,” in her fight against “cultural beauty norms”.  It perturbs and saddens me.  She lists more about her ideas:

As a plus-sized professional athlete, I practice Health at Every Size and as a human being I am an unwavering advocate for Size Acceptance – the civil rights truth that every body deserves respect and that the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are inalienable, not contingent on size, health, or dis/ability.

Wait what?

The civil rights truth that everyone deserves respect…  Well,  with ideological opponents, you often have to agree to disagree.

She also promotes health at every size.   What exactly is that?  Well according to her it is:


  1. Accepting and respecting the diversity of body shapes and sizes

  2. Recognizing that health and well-being are multi-dimensional and that they include physical, social, spiritual, occupational, emotional, and intellectual aspects

  3. Promoting all aspects of health and well-being for people of all sizes

  4. Promoting eating in a manner which balances individual nutritional needs, hunger, satiety, appetite, and pleasure

  5. Promoting individually appropriate, enjoyable, life-enhancing physical activity, rather than exercise that is focused on a goal of weight loss

Well there is plenty there that I and others would point out is wrong, but instead let’s focus on what she said that she get’s right which I’ve underlined and bolded.   At least she is trying to do better and get others who struggle with weight to engage in things like, “Life-enhancing activity.”    In fact, she does actually have some decent diet and activity ideas worth checking out.

(She actually finished a 26 mile marathon in Seattle about two years ago.  For her size and weight, that’s pretty damn impressive. I haven’t even attempted a marathon that long.) 

Good for her.

Hopefully, she lives a well-fulfilled life and enjoys every moment of it to the max.  I do however suspect that if she lost some weight, her beauty wouldn’t be as obscured.  Like it or not, people are more respectful, are friendlier, and more partial to those they regard as beautiful.

Insisting that everyone is “beautiful” at every size isn’t going to magically make it so.     Reducing the word so that it means essentially nothing won’t change that either.   It will just be replaced by words like, “preference”.

That is the point.  

If you want to widen your net to include more attractive dating partners, you will have to make an effort to do the same.   This may be shallow, but it’s something that will never change – regardless of how many times social justice warriors insist that it just merely another cultural norm that must be eliminated.

Encourage your friends to widen their nets by losing weight.  Yes, you can be happy and still be overweight, but you could be so much more.

Speak up.  


Don’t be afraid.


Tell the truth.


Support them. 


Problems in the Manosphere

The Emerging Problem

It deeply pains me to admit this, but the “manosphere” and some who have taken “The Red Pill”  (TRP) have allowed their pain and anger to distract them from self-improvement and to mistakenly and irresponsibly blame women for their pain.

In fact, it has become home to some men who might actually hate women – in particular the “Men Going Their Own Way”  (MGTOW) portion of it who I actually deeply sympathize with.  (Disclosure: I’m not a feminist.)

The thing is, most men aren’t meant to be bachelors.  Despite what most MGTOWs will tell you, men and women need each other.  We were designed to be together. It’s good and its healthy, regardless of how much modern day feminism has poisoned the waters between the two genders.

Yes, there actually are some misogynists who are TRP – some of these MGTOWs.  Like any ideology that has come about as a backlash because of the insanity that 3rd wave feminism has become, it has members who have become just as hate-filled as the feminist movement it despises.    Aaron Clarey a.k.a Captain Capitalism has made a video saying some things that really needed to be said about this emerging problem.  There may be some backlash, but the truth and objective critiques meant to help others hurt.


Even though I’m only about 6 months in TRP, I understand that the whole point of the TRP is to acknowledge one’s own personal responsibility, rather then defer it to the opposite sex with excuses like, “All Women Are Like That” (AWALT) when rejection occurs – particularly approach rejection and rejection from women overall.   (I will admit,  I don’t experience approach rejection all that often.)

MGTOW is supposedly specifically about improving yourself, becoming self-disciplined, and becoming someone that not only women want to be around, but other men as well by not putting “pussy” on a pedestal – you know what white knights and manginas actually do.   Instead, it more and more is becoming a circle-jerk where we talk about how much they hate how  “terrible” women are.

Newsflash:  Only just over 15% of women identify as feminists, and most of those aren’t the radicals who we hear the most about online.

Some of these MGTOWs, as Clarey points out, haven’t been successful with women because they aren’t willing to put in the effort which is shocking considering I know some older ugly fat dudes who still get laid.   What is the entire point of TRP and of the MGTOWs with in it? Simple.  Take personal responsibility for yourself instead of blaming others – that includes women. This is makes TRP like a beacon of light in the midst of darkness because we live in a culture where EVERYTHING is someone else’s fault. Yes, many women have been unfortunately influenced by modern day feminism and it has helped to warp their attitudes toward men.

Now some of us Red Pillers have even developed our own kinds of shaming languages which we then sling at anyone who is willing to impartially observe on the sidelines. We then continue to blame women, and when we experience rejection, we spew a bunch of vitriol about “AWALT” and the like.

The Manosphere, and the The Red Pill in general is about improving yourself and embracing reality, not blaming women for every problem under the sun.  Women aren’t the enemy.   They are our mothers, our sisters, our wives, and our daughters.  Regardless of what is said, men and women will always need each other.  It’s a fact of history and of life.

Say anything remotely good about women and you are some sort of mangina white knighting feminist.  If we keep abusing these words like feminists have done with words like misogyny and rape, soon they won’t mean anything.

This is shocking to think, but some men – myself included- really like women. I dare say it’s because of our biology! Hell, some of us actually like the “traditional” idea of finding a girl, getting married, and growing into old age together and being happy doing it.   I grow tired of seeing people in TRP community whose pain I can identify with throw these blanket assumptions of absolute fact upon all women.

Growing Pains


Someone needed to say this in the manosphere and it hasn’t been just Clarey.  About two weeks ago “Blair Naso” at the so affectionately labeled “misogyny central” site Return Of Kings  wrote a brilliant piece, Most Men Do Not Deserve A Marriageable Woman pointing out this exact problem and blame game we have allowed ourselves to get suckered into.  He points out in the article  (1) how we have allowed ourselves to blame everyone else – women in particular for our problems – when it comes to having “bad” experiences with them and finding them and (2) how we have developed a sense of entitlement because we exist.  When I use the word “entitlement”, I’m not using it in the awful feminist sense where approaching a girl lands you that label, but in an honest objective compassionate sense.

And of course you can claim that all women today are whores, but that is not true either. There are many women who still have a sense of dignity and only give away their sex selectively, since that is what women naturally want to do. True, there are not many virgins outside of the freshmen at Christian colleges in the southern states, but that does not mean that every woman allows herself to be the town bicycle.

While marriage is often a risky proposition for men in our time because of no-fault divorce laws, let’s at least attempt to be honest.; not every women wants to screw you over, divorce you in the future, take your kids, make you pay child support and alimony, and force you to live in a depreciating existence in a terrible apartment for the rest of your life.  Yes, it has happened, but this is the result of settling down with the wrong women – something TRP should help one avoid.

Neither are all women – or dare I say all feminists – deliberate and fully aware irrational feminazis.   Instead of complaining about only slutty women are, stop going to those places as Blair points out.

Maybe the reason you think every single Western girl is a tramp is because you keep searching for girls on ladies night in bars. Go volunteer for a boring non-profit that makes for a bad photo shoot, and you will be more likely to find the wife you are looking for.

A shocking idea. Perhaps –  just perhaps – more traditionally minded girls who do want to settle down will employ their time with worthy causes.   One element of TRP that somewhat bothers me is the constant encouraging of men to sleep with “sluts” as they ride the carousel till they hit the “wall” in their later 30s.  Why do we encourage this kind of behavior – or better yet enthusiastically and opportunistically make use of it – while deriding these so called sluts? It’s almost as if we want women to be “slutty” so that  we can excuse, dismiss, and insist that there is an apparent lack of worthy and honorable women to commit to so that we can pretend that said slutty women are our only alternative and is the “reality” of the situation.

You rant about how lustful women are, but how much better are you yourself? All you care about is increasing your notch count no matter what the consequences. You sleep with fat girls, you sleep with career-obsessed women, you sleep with androgynous women, and then you wonder why there are so many of them around.

Blair goes on to make an important point that even feminists don’t like:

Contrary to popular myth, feminism did not invent the slut. Men even have always had a way to get their rocks off before settling down. For example, the samba in Brazil provided a context to meet easy women long before the 1960s.

These “marriageable” women might be rejecting us for more worthy prospects because we have been settling for the “sluts” and their parents have been smart enough to teach them that you don’t want a man whose life revolves around the idea of “non-commitment” and “pumping-and-dumping”.

We can lament about all the problems of the modern day dating market, but it doesn’t change the fact that if we don’t put some effort into our appearance, game, and overall life,  we can’t demand girls pay attention to us vs the better men out there.

There is a time and a place for it, but if we want to remain in said time and place our entire lives, can we really moan, groan, and rage that we aren’t attracting said marriageable women?  Self-Improvement takes time, effort, and discipline.

Furthermore, do you have any real marketable skills? You say you want a stay-at-home wife, but what have you accomplished to provide that? Laziness is also a sin in most world religions, so instead of living in an apartment with your Call of Duty buddies “because the economy is just that bad,” spend a year in vocational school and learn a trade.

Well that stings. I’ll be honest. I don’t really have many worthy skills.  I’m often lazy and I waste my time.  At this time, I’m content to live on very little and to enjoying the small cheap parts of life.  This however isn’t necessarily going to attract women who are looking for a “provider” of sorts.

While it’s hard to become a stable provider these days, one can still be responsible with their time and devote as much as possible of it to self-improvement and obtaining marketable job skills.  (I’m really trying to limit my video game time.)  I’m lucky I’m attractive, because it isn’t the money or the fame that has helped me get laid.

Making The Best Of Our Situation

In TRP and among most MGTOW, we acknowledged that there is certainly a phrase of anger about the realities of today’s dating situation, the destruction of families, and the hardships of divorced men who have been taken to the cleaners by their now Ex-wives.  We can understand why they don’t trust women. Even those of us who haven’t been married have experienced rejection of some kind.   That phrase isn’t suppose to last your entire life.

Pain can’t be used as an excuse to let ourselves become angry and distant.   Let’s not lie to ourselves; we also can become “spinsters” in our old age that no one wants to be with. Pain is a part of life, but wallowing it in it, refusing to make an effort to escape it, and blaming everyone else for it is what third-wave feminists do.  That is something we can’t allow ourselves to become if we wish to actually enjoy life.  Don’t become like them.

Everyday, I see a lot of people in pain. I’ve met men who have been divorced or lost loved ones and I can see it in their eyes.  I can also see these people making excuses for avoiding any real effort to take steps to become happy.  I understand their reasons, and while valid, it doesn’t make their situation any better or cause them to feel any better.

If I am truly a compassionate person, I won’t simply nod my head and avoid any real attempt to aid them in escaping their depression and pain. At some point, you must make that initial attempt to get out of it.  As Mike at Danger & Play puts it, “It doesn’t matter how you start. All that matters is that you start.”  In circumstances like this where the pain is very real, his motto, “Fuck it, I’m going in,” is an important mindset to adopt.

So when I see the main vehicle of “coping” with life’s problems becoming a “fuck women” fest,  I’ll point out that this permanent like state-of-anger and rage does nothing to improve ours and their plight with women. I and others must point this out, because we actually care about our fellow men. Don’t let this “criticism” become mistakenly dismissed because we are not vicious feminists with cyber-lynch mobs wielding axes to attack the already downtrodden with.   We actually do care.