Can Your Marriage Survive Pregnancy?

I had no choice. Get out of the apartment.  This is what female lawyers have advised when your wife is hitting you.  Usually my wife blocks off the door so I can’t leave, but this time I was quicker than her.

Running through the door and down the stairs, I called my mother-in law.  She called 911 for an ambulance. During the call she mentioned we had been physically fighting.  My wife had threatened suicide via pills, hit me in the face, and chucked her heavy purse at my face.  Just a bloody lip for me this time.

Moments after making the call, my wife sent me a text urging me to come quick. Something bad had happened.  Rushing back in, she was on the floor holding her stomach.  “What happened!?!?!” I asked her.

In haste to chase after me already being dizzy, she had run into the corner of a shelf. Yea, I know how that sounds, because when the cops showed up –  which they have to during “domestic dispute” calls, they asked her several times.    Often when women are abused, that is exactly what they would say.  “I fell down the stairs,”  or “I ran into the wall”, or “I hit my head on the bed post.” (I know a girl who alleged this.)

Except here she ran into a shelf.  Even though I was the victim here, it sure didn’t sound that way to onlookers.  Come several days later and some of my wife and mother in laws friends were asking her if she’s SURE she ran into a shelf.   Honestly, I would too.

Rumors will swell and I’m sure I’ll be portrayed as a very timid deer.  Oh well, me and my wife only have to last another 6 months here before we move back.  To be honest, it wears on me to always be the bad guy to people we know.  Online, I don’t care, but close to home it takes a heavy toll – especially considering I have no close friends or family around.


When You Really Do Love Someone

So many marriages are dysfunctional in some manner, rather then harmonious fairy tales. You see couples mingling happily at parties with each other, but what’s lurking under that surface?  Everyone pretends life is FANTASTIC!!  To outward eyes, they aren’t just at Disney World, they are it.

Take perfect me.   While I and my wife are constantly intimate, it hasn’t staved off issues from  her past – one’s I was fully aware of.   It’s led to us literally biting, slapping, and even hitting each other – but more on that later.

Safe to say, a lot of things haven’t gone according to expectations for us – especially our move to our current place.  She thought she would have a specific job.  We didn’t expect another pregnancy so soon.   With both of us working for a bit,  saving some money up was expected.   Most certainly, we never expected to lay a hand on each other.

Welcome to pregnancy.

What I described earlier was just another day of joyous and stress free pregnancy – almost finally at the end.  My wife’s been pregnant for essentially two years with back-to-back boys.  Can we last through this? Surely if this is the worst, it can only get better?

Those romantics among us hope it can.   The harsh truth is a much more difficult question.   So much bullshit is spouted about what it should be, but no one talks about the behind-the-scenes dysfunction that most marriage suffer.

Most people won’t admit to because of their pride, reputation and what other people will think.  I suppose in the digital and social media age where haters are always looking for ways to malign you, it makes sense if you want to exist quietly and living your life happily.

Marriage is a loaded term today filled with gloried ideals and bitter stories from those around us.  Some people hate it ranging from MGTOWS to angry rad feminists who consider it evil and part of Patriarchal oppression.  Cool.  I can’t tell you how many twilight zone divorce stories I’ve heard, and “forgiveness” and encouragement to get married urges don’t follow.  I understand why.

Truth is that when your marriage hits lows – even those weekly ones – people don’t talk about how low because they are afraid of the judgment . I’ll bite the bullet and share the dirty violent details.

Before I was married, I swore that I would leave any women who hit me, assaulted me, etc.   Pride aside,  take enough hits from someone and you will hit back in some manner.

That always being in the back of my mind and what happens in domestic situations when the cops get called,  abusers aren’t worth my time.   Then again when you really love a women – especially if she’s your wife, leaving her to fend for herself isn’t an option.

Rolling With The Punches

You think you know your wife, but not until pregnancy do you know what festers beneath.  Pregnant women attacking their husbands with feminine graceful fists is a staple of time, because so many men and women I know laugh about it when I tell them.

I just never knew about it till now.  Turns out a lot of women didn’t know this rage and capacity for violence was in them until they were pregnant.  When you start to read various forum boards and sites dedicated to “mommies” and dealing with pregnancy, it starts to appear:

“I know I am not alone because one of my best friend’s DH told me he has been physically attacked in every one of his wife’s 3 pregnancies, and she is not a violent girl at all.”

When a women becomes pregnant, so much about her changes.  Obviously she gets a bit hungrier – hangry – as a I call it, as well as grump, frustrated, sometimes even jealous.  Raging hormones escalate everything to the max level of what it could be.

While we’ve had sex practically everyday – which still isn’t enough for my wife’s increased “Take off your clothes now” drive, the negatives always linger.  We’ve had fights escalate over the smallest things to the point of where we are screaming at each other.

The question becomes, how much do you really LOVE your wife? What are you willing to forgive?  Can you swallow your pride?  Note, we are still going strong as I write this.  Also, this is not about being a victim.  It’s about how to address this problem.

Swallowing that pride becomes VERY difficult when things become physical.  Many a time my wife has hit me, got on top of me pinning me to the bed or couch, started choking me, digging her nails into me, and even going for crotch kicks and punches.  Normally, Id toss her off.  However, with the pregnancy I can’t do that.

When she blocks me from leaving the house my standing in front of the door and or physically holding me back from leaving, I can’t just shove her into a wall.  Other men have told me how it happened to them, but I didn’t know how it felt until it happened to me.  Neither did I know that feeling of helplessness that envelops you completely.  You bounce between feeling bad for her to feeling outraged with her.

There have been moments I wanted to shove her head through the wall, just as she has wanted to do to me and they scream in your mind to obey your inner animal urges when the fights are physical.

My wife isn’t stupid, and when she’s in a rage, she uses this to her advantage.  Essentially she can rain down hell and there’s nothing I can do.  Unfortunately there’s been a few times where  I could deal with it no more.

Before I go further, some things have to be mentioned.  My wife was raped freshman year of college.  I didn’t actually believe her at first because of the amount of false accusations out there and the very loose definitions applied to “sexual assault” and “rape” by feminist types.

I knew I would have to deal with it, but it pours the rage, frustration, and anger into her at times when she is already stressed and her hormones are raging.  My wife is phenomenal women.   She’s strong, loving, and loves me without a shadow of a doubt and would do anything for me.

This comes back to her, but when she is seeing red, the violence overtakes her, almost like a bloodlust.   All logic is gone.  She is consumed.  Often I’m lucky, she’ll only throw things all over and against the walls.  (That includes her glasses, which shockingly haven’t broken yet, and older phone that did break, and numerous other objects.)

Sometimes I’m afraid that some of my cherished possessions – namely my desktop computer – might become a casualty.   If her seeing red is complete, she has before dumped out my coffee and even some whiskey because she knew it would irk me – especially as I often cant afford to replace the whiskey, let alone my desktop computer.   A very keen new style of warfare I must say in “break his shit”.

She’s also no pushover with the exertion of force. The punches hurt. In middle-school and highschool she was a bully and she beat up boys and girls.   Also, she always got away with it and she would tell me how she used to cry and shed some tears when questioned about her role.  Worked wonders avoiding trouble for her part in the beatings.

She knows how to reign down wrath.  I’ve had cuts, deep scratches, bloody lips, and bruises and swelling on my face.  I consider myself lucky. One of my wife’s friends shoved her husband down the stairs in a pregnancy influenced rage.  Suffice to say their marriage has been very bumpy since.

Now when her rage is done, she’s that sweet innocent and crying girl who doesn’t know why she’s hitting me and what’s happening to her.  Pregnancy indeed.  At that point, all I can do is hold her tight and swallow justified anger.

Later on I’ll lightly chide her for it and she’ll do her little girl pose saying, “I’m an innocent angel.”    She certainly can be and just like that, it’s like it never happened.  But then it does happen. Again.

So what do you do?  I’m not calling the police, because I love my wife and my son needs his mother as does this baby soon to come.  Essentially, there is no immediate penalty right now for hitting me.

Valentine's day Walmart aisle.

The Facebook Posts You Don’t See

When we were living with my inlaws, I can recall one time where we were fighting and it got physical. She ended up on top of me choking me – she doesn’t remember her choking me during this fight.  I was so mad I started choking her back.  If she was going to choke me, I was going to choke her back and let her see how it felt.    Her parents ended up walking in and seeing this and well, nothing’s ever been the same in terms of “abuse”.

I’m not a big manly guy. I’m five foot seven,  have boyish looks, and a good amount of people thought I was gay- to give you a picture.  My wife has been in more fights then I have and she knows how to throw a punch.

Many men are raised to never hit a woman.  I don’t ascribe to that.  If a girl throws a punch at me, she receive one in kind.   However, this is my wife, not some girl I barely know.

Even still I can recall snapping.   One fight, she kept hitting me to the point I saw red. She hit my leg hard and I snapped back and hit her leg shouting, “How do like it” as both anger and tears flowed from her.   This exchange went back and forth.

The attacks usually flow from my wife when (1) I’m not listening enough (2) I don’t let her talk.  Usually that means she is hearing and seeing red from the pregnancy hormones and if I don’t say she’s correct in some way,  I’m not “listening” and I’m going to be eating a punch.

To make it worse, she doesn’t let me leave.  She makes sure to block the door off making me feel like a caged animal.  Honestly even after our fights are over, it still bugs me.  (One time I had to jump off our balcony to evade being hit and to get out of the apartment.)

One time I definitely ended up being the aggressor.  Another fight and the previous day I had suffered some punches.   That night we were arguing and she threw a set of keys across the room which I thought had been intended for me.

I saw red and immediately tackled her to the bed and grabbed her hair and pulled on it hard.  A second later I five starred her back.  In her eyes, for the first time, I could see fear. My wife was actually afraid of me and to top it off, she IS PREGNANT.

It made me recoil in horror.  “What was happening to me?  While she has asked this question many a time to me, now I was asking it of myself.    I had never done anything like this before to a girl.   I had snapped and I was blaming her for it.

Worse off it concerned and troubled me.  I had a momentary experience of what all these feminist types want to insist we “Red-Pilled types are – abusive monsters rather then men who love women for who they are.   Obviously, they don’t care about my wife’s role, but still it shocked me.

Learning and Loving

Fun fact: When I’ve mentioned to people that my pregnant wife hits me frequently, people laugh about it.  When customers call in to where I work and ask me how I’m doing, I’ll remark something like, “I’m surviving pregnancy” and about how I’m dodging punches.

They laugh about it as if it’s pretty normal to dodge punches from you wife.   Gauge this reaction and I’m betting that this happens to a lot of other men, but society consider it normal.  If so, why the constant huff and haw about domestic violence?

In many ways, we do give pregnant woman a hell of a pass, but I suppose it’s part of the price for birthing not just my children, but the next generation.   Again, I will note that the “violence” part only has occurred during pregnancy and it’s not like an early scene from “Enough” where Jennifer Lopez is getting pummeled by her manipulative husband when they think of domestic violence.    (1) Honestly consider what we imagine when hear of “violence” in relationships (2) consider how many other couples report the same issues. (My wife’s Faecbook mommy group apparently has some aggressive mommies.)

Now normally when my wife hits me, she’ll tell me its my fault because I didn’t let her talk.  Classic abuser behavior is blaming the victim for why the abuse is happening.   When I’ve let her know that I’m angry about her “physical abuse”, she will retort she’s mad about my “emotional abuse”.

Right there you have the excuse and catalyst and it makes perfect sense to her. Even though my wife knows she is violent sometimes, it’s still likely I would go to jail – even if I’m keeled over bleeding because of the way the system works. (The Duluth Model)

Despite all of this that I’ve mentioned, we are in good shape as a couple. Valentines day for us was extra special.  You now know we have our flaws.   I’m just here to let you know that those of you out there in this kind of situation aren’t alone.

Now I know my wife really does love and is loyal to me. One single call , I could be carted off regardless of how many times she had hit me.  It’s a terrible imbalance of power, but nothing can be done about it.  Life isn’t fair.   She would never do this, but she has the power so to speak that makes marriage such a risky proposition for men.

You can never fully know your wife before marriage, but you can know what kind of women she is.   Loyalty, loyalty – and sex – are probably the most important things a girl can give you.  It can and will make the difference when life starts to hit hard – literally.





The Exploitation Of The #FoxLake Shooting, Tragedy, And The Problems That Plague Our Town

#Fox Lake, Joes Family and friends mourning

It all started at the local DipStick that I get my regular oil changes from.  Everything seemed like a regular morning around 7:30 on my way to work.  Two hours later, my facebook feed blew up.  #FoxLake was trending on Twitter.

The small town of 10,000 where I lived was national news.

I thought it was perhaps another deadly accident that had killed three and left a huge black mark on the tree besides the road that didn’t budge an inch.   I then got a text from a friend and began to scour twitter and the Mchenry County Scanner FB page that people were posting every tidbit of information they knew.   Details began to emerge.

The suspicious suspects – which our town is constantly full of if you know anything about the people who live here – were actually very dangerous for once. (I’d estimate about half our town looks “suspicious” on a given day, which is why officers sometimes wisely employ their discretion. )  Murky details confirm that Lt. Joseph Gliniewicz spotted them, described them, and then gave chase.

Minutes later, he was dead.

Even worse – or better if you consider overall surveillance implications – there are no cameras in that area.  I can’t recall any cameras at the Dipstick, the old car dealership across the street, or the Fox Lake Animal Hospital.  The abandoned cement plant where drug deals and other nefarious activity takes place certainly doesn’t have any.

The suspects would run toward the heavily forested and hilly terrain that somewhat reminds me of scenes from Rambo: First Blood.

We have no way of knowing whether the suspects were actually armed – all of them – or if they managed to get ahold of Joe’s sidearm and murder him with it.  Regardless, this lack of clarity doesn’t matter when it comes to jumping on tragedies for political use.  No side or cause is immune to this jump, but often the wiser elements give it some time before they use it as a talking point on CNN.


#Fox Lake, Joes Family and friends mourning

Enter Shannon Watts

Joe’s death didn’t stop degenerates like Shannon Watts of “Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America” from pissing on our towns tragedy for her twisted political gun-control nonsense.  In fact, it encouraged her to trash those of us who do own firearms in the town – probably 75% of us terrible uneducated rednecks who don’t believe in “white privilege” – or better yet don’t have time in a quest to survive.

She clearly isn’t aware of the illegal purchases of an AK you can make in Waukegan or Zion for about 1500, let alone handguns.  Do I even need to mention Round Lake?

I don’t think she is aware of Illinois’ gun laws whatsoever.  Ideologues usually arent.

This isn’t even close to the first time she’s pulled this. It’s a consistent pattern with her.   This behavior has become the norm for virtually every ideologue with a dragon to slay.  The real victims – our community – be damned.   This is of course to be expected from urbanite “educated” liberal types who think they know whats better for us then we do.

She clearly isn’t aware of the criminal element that exists in Fox Lake that doesn’t care about legally purchasing guns let alone drugs.

Hey Shannon Watts, Fuck you.

Practice some of your tolerance and demand for diversity with observing history and those of us who have had our ancestors go through genocide because of gun-control.  As someone who is half-armenian and whose ancestors were subjected to the genocide, check your white middle-class liberal privilege.

Thanks to “gun-control”, the entire history of my Grandfather’s side of the family has been wiped out. I couldn’t even find out that much about his side because his mother was so distraught from the genocide, that she cried and broke down every-time he tried to ask her about it.

What do my dead ancestors know though?  Shannon Watts knows best.


The Results Of Gun Control and the Armenian Genocide
What happened to my ancestors.


What happens in Fox Lake these days?

Cars are broken into.  Garage doors are tagged. Attempted house break-ins are becoming normal.  Crack addicts live three houses down from me and end up completely naked except for a shirt in my driveway.  Bouncers are shot by thugs that come to Pugs from Waukegan.

In fact, years ago, I was almost beaten on Forest avenue by gangbangers armed with bats and knives who mistook me for someone else.  As I began to panic, I put down the hood on my sweater and to my relief,they got back in their car as I overheard, “Oh it’s not him.”

Fox Lake residents have had a mixed relationship with our PD and its differed quite a bit depending on our residents.   The more well-off avoid encounters with the police, but the section 8 and bad housing areas of the town certainly don’t.

I won’t name any specific names, as I can’t risk being targeted, but the power tripping abuse from some of the cops in the department is so bad, that our Chief of Police was finally forced to step down for some of the incidents he continually swept under the rug.     Perhaps the trustees of this town and the municipal policies they have been pushing to fund Grant Highschool share part of the blame.

Despite how much damn money is poured into the highschool alone, they always need more. It is literally a financial blackhole and the blatant evaporation of money is treated as excusable because “our students!”   Several molesting and drug distributing teachers later, the slogan is still employed.   This doesn’t even include the other stories I’ve heard from students.

Multitude of State, Federal Police and Agencies
The Vigil Begins

Rather then actually tackle these problems, the police here do what they do best – generate revenue.  A cop hides down the hill from me waiting in a private citizens driveway where he anticipates the inevitable physics of speed to pick up in order to nab speeders.

They hand out “public intoxication” tickets in a town defined by its insane amount of bars to residents and those of neighboring towns who instead of getting a DUI have the good sense to walk home.  Yes, lets punish those people who have absorbed the lessons of Illinois, “Don’t drive drunk” commercials, because that makes perfect sense.

Remembering G.I. Joe

Joe was one of the good guys on the force.  Upon news of his death, shockwaves went through our residents.

He actually cared about the community, and this is precisely why his death has been so mourned.  I realized this after chatting him with twice.  My brother from my second family Caleb experienced his good and gentle nature through his two years in the Explorer program that Joe ran.

He was for all purposes, our Andy of Mayberry.

Fundamentally Joe understood that the police are supposed to protect their communities rather then harass them; a lesson some of the younger officers on the FLPD force have yet to learn in their attempts to “prove” themselves.  It’s why so many people showed up at the vigil to remember him and rally around his family and friends.

Now, despite the racist bullshit spewed by the #BlackLivesMatter movement, there are good cops out there, and we need to not only support them, but rally around them and their families when tragedies like this occur.

Let me make this clear; not even the worst cops deserved to be murdered in cold blood.  To go even further, no one deserves that.

Not all the cops on the PD are bad.  Unfortunately, the blue code of silence has prevented the good cops there from addressing some of the uniformed thugs out to make a name for themselves.

The rule of law must be respected, and I say that as a very anti-authoritarian thinker.   Yes, I understand how pissed people are the cops, as I am one of them.  I’ve said some rather insane things about how to deal with the cops before – including predicting tragedies like this to happen frequently,  but in hindsight it’s a bit of a shock when it happens to cops you know – particularly the good ones, and not the abusive gestapo type frequently portrayed on Copblock.

More media coverage #FoxLake then this community has ever seen.
Camera Crews and Media Setup

It is absolutely VITAL that the relationship founded on trust between civilians and the police is restored.

This however will not happen until bad cops are held accountable for their actions, police unions are weakened, external independent investigations of complaints become normal, and the blue code of silence is reformed by giving police officers and environment in which they won’t fear alienation and a lack of backup from their fellow officers for calling out and addressing the actions of the bad officers in their department.

Good cops do exist. Plenty of them are out there.  My aunt is one of them.

If you shoot at her,  you can rest assured that I and the rest of my family will find you and hold you accountable by any means possible.

Now if I’m completely honest, I don’t necessarily respect the police. I respect individual officers who have earned my respect and/or trust.  I hope to expand this to more of the police force as time goes on, but it’s tough when you never know if you can trust the blue or not.

Remember, it was illegal with threat of a felony up until just two years ago to even record cops without their consent – and when it was finally made legal, the police unions and Fraternal Order of Police protested vehemently.

In fact, they are still trying to push similar bills though to make it illegal once again, despite it being struck down by the Illinois Supreme Court.  This of course designed to prevent accountability, even if they have to back officers who lie about the “eavesdropping law”  and deliberately mislead the public in order to discourage them from recording officers.

They are the real enemy, and should be treated as such.

For the true liberal types out there, “Minority rights” and police accountability can’t exist when Police Unions have the power they do to erase all accountability.  Either choose your token minorities or choose your police unions.  You can’t have both. 

Don’t forget about the municipalities either who will turn a blind eye, if not outright encourage and mandate the bad behavior we see from the police.  Often there is a mayor and a board of trustees behind the push for greater tickets.  This is often forgotten in the attention placed on departments who police for profit.   That push is coming from the corrupt towns, counties, and numerous government bureaucrats who have realized that if they can’t increase taxes anymore, they can easily make that revenue by harassing, abusing, and slowly destroying the poor of their communities.

It this kind of behavior which will make shootings of government officials and police a norm.  I’m not encouraging it, I’m merely predicting that it will become much more frequent until changes happen.


Lake County’s Mordor: Round Lake and the Orcs

Modern day orcs come in all shapes and sizes, but the local overweight jack-booted orcs wear black uniforms and wield powers and weapons that would make Sauron jealous. That taser can come out for anything.  Now, these particular orcs won’t behead you and feast on your flesh, but they will try to catch you and make you pay yet another soul-sucking financial toll tax.   Oh, and just another reason to add to why Illinois sucks.  There is no such thing as paying your fair share. They always want more.  (Okay, there are two good cops in that department that I have met, I just despise the blue code of silence they are still apart of.) 

Welcome to Round Lake – Mordor – as I call it.  Be afraid. Be very afraid. The main valley of death is on Rollins road.  It starts at Fairfield and goes all the way to Rt. 83.   On Rollins between Cedar Lake Rd. and Lotus is where you are most likely to be mugged of at least a 4th of your paycheck.   Even if you drive exactly the speed limit, cower in fear if a cop pulls behind you.  The orc is looking for anything to make you pay that additional toll.

My advice: Make an immediate right into the next convenience location. If they pull behind you, park and turn off your car.   If the lights flash and they ask why you have pulled over – a.k.a suspicious behavior – tell them you are in fear for your life and wallet with orcs behind you.  This isn’t Mayberry, and you can bet your ass they have no interest in protecting you, but in serving you fines for something.

On weekends, the Orcs are most vigilant on the prowl.  Beaters, cars overflowing with bumperstickers, and minority and/or young drivers and passengers are usually on the hit list.  If you don’t speak English – which probably about 10% of the population in Round Lake does not – you are about to lose even more money.

Sidenote – The good in Round Lake:  One of the few reasons I enjoy anything about Round Lake is because of the hispanic population. Besides my admiration and enjoyment of the culture, the food, the people, and language (Which I’m learning.) it is the only damn place nearby where I can go to watch the Champions League with people who will enjoy it as much as I do.   Side story from a cop: Unfortunately the cops still go after their places of dwelling. Apparently you can’t own roosters on your own property and the cops will exterminate them upon discovery. 

Mordor is home to a nearby Lake County courthouse a.k.a. the dark tower.  Trashy and morally bankrupt municipalities desperate for cash like Mordor have realized that tickets that mandate a traffic court appearance are a fantastic way to generate even more revenue. No shit right?  It’s easy to blame the cops – which you bet your ass I will – without also assigning blame to greedy broke havens like Round Lake.

Your traffic ticket fine might be only 35$, but the 200$+ in court fees for things your tax dollars are already supposed to be financing is just more money for the area to burn before it throws into the blackhole of bonuses, pay raises, ect for the desperately poor public service sector of Illinois.  I am seriously tempted to pay the next traffic ticket I get entirely in nickels. Oh, but the poor clerks! Nope they are employed by these legalized looters and can suffer like the rest of us normal civilians.

My fellow hobbits and oppressed people’s of Mordor; survive. It is the greatest feat you can accomplish.  Also, don’t attempt to explain anything if spotted by a harassing orc. You don’t want to get some BS charge of “disturbing the peace” or “obstruction of justice.”  Seriously, even if you were minding your own business, not moving, staring into the sky, there is some obscure law they can nail you with.

My best friend lives in Round Lake, and I have to go through whenever I go to work and/or school, so I must evade and survive. I encourage others to do the same.  Be smart, and remain free. Most of us who live paycheck to paycheck can’t afford a ticket and a court appearance, but that won’t stop the orcs and the politicians whose pockets their unions grease.

The solution? Besides protesting outside the police station and probably being tased, tear-gassed, and curbed stomped, record every encounter. These orcs break the law themselves on a daily basis. We only have to catch them multiple times on video to make something stick though.

Live long and prosper.