Learning the Hard Lessons About Sex and Porn

Regretfully for the last 10 years, I watched plenty of porn which aided in my frequent and fervent masturbation each day. It gave all sorts of bizarre inclination and fetishes. Porn showed me how the bodies banged, loud wails, and how many holes could be stuffed at the same time, but not much else.

Easy access on any device, a quick jerk and release, and I was back to my video games, reading, or anything else I felt like at that moment.  Time was being used efficiently.  After watching some gangbang for the zillionth time, I clearly knew more about getting laid. All was well.  Was I lacking anything?

What was lacking is that I still didn’t know how to approach, talk, or much less make the moves on girls so any of that glorious fun looking sex would come my way.  Touching and stroking would apparently moisten things up if I got to that part where my fingers and lips were welcomed, but I wasn’t sure about the rest.  We saw the penetration, but not how a guy actually got a girl to desire that with him.

Your wife is right there, but this video…

When I finally bust from my virgin cage and began to actually have sex with in-the-flesh girls, I ran into moments where I couldn’t get or stay hard.  Instead of being as ravenous and filled with testosterone like King Kong, I would suddenly be unable to perform – something devastating for both parties involved.  Imagine the excitement of knowing you were gonna get some and the confidence blow when you go limp.

What was happening?

A recent phenomena in secular and Christian circles encourages teenagers and college students to wait till their late 20s to 30s to get married.  One must wait till they are financially stable, out of debt, and raking in the big bucks after finally establishing their career – which will never happen for most of us until we hit our late 30s if we are lucky.

During that time you better abstain from the sex, avoid that porn, and stop thinking about how you really want to be enjoying all that meaningless sex your friends are having while you wear your own kind of chastity belt having kissed dating goodbye.  You avoid that porn as much as possible, but the addiction begins – one that’s affecting many Christian men (and women).  In fact something like a third of visitors to porn sites are now women.

I was a product of this – though my dad encouraged me to get married to alleviate my desires.  Of course, I was picky, selfish, immature, and irresponsible.  I wasn’t looking for a wife just yet, but a “best friend”  and someone who wanted to mate frequently.

Supplementing my technical “virginity” with porn, I held on to that sacred virginity as long as possible so I could claim some moral high-ground. Eventually I said to hell with it and went on my journey of debauchery. I didn’t reject my faith, but I certainly wasn’t going to go to church and bother with guilt.

Perhaps I was lucky to experience the “player burnout” rather quickly and realize that I wanted to find a wife with which to raise a family – and have plenty of sex with of course – and devote my time less to pursuit and more to worthwhile activities.

 

Game And Beyond

I had to learn game. Friends gave me advice.  The internet gave me stories.  Podcasts, videos, forum boards, and all those misogynist sexist bastards shared the details of what women wanted and turned them on, rather then what they said they wanted.

Embracing my inner confident asshole, I never looked back. My conquests came through, and my confidence rose to levels of those lucky nerds who gets the girl in those vapid and misleading movies. In my nerdy days, those romantic happy endings were in a galaxy far far away of which I lacked access

Those problems I mentioned earlier however didn’t evaporate.  Lurking like a nagging and unscabbed wound, they poked at me.

I recall Davis Aurini mentioned on a stream how men with girlfriends or wives would often jerk off to porn instead of having sex with them. Their natural attraction toward the feminine body which should have given them rock hard boners was being subdued and withered.

These words stuck me, because what he described was exactly what I was doing – even when I hit my “prime”.  I supplemented actual sex with porn, often preferring the porn to any “real” girl. It was easy, took less effort, and was warping my mind and ability to be aroused by a REAL woman.

Guaranteed release, no effort.

When I met my wife, we had intense sexual attraction. Our secretive and risky adventures to have sex would give way for daily and comfortable sweat sessions once we got married. This has never stopped – yes we still have sex every day.

What also never stopped until recently was me using porn on the side.  While me and my wife had watched some together to get ideas, I would often watch it when she wasn’t around.  During her back to back pregnancies, it made her feel worse and worse as her body confidence took massive hits due to the natural weight gain of pregnancy.

In fact, at points I couldn’t get hard without watching porn before I had sex with her. As you can imagine, it made her feel like crap.  Furthermore, I was often only able to oblige her to sex twice a day because my drive had decreased from jerking off to porn during the other parts of the day.

Yes, you did read that right. Sex only twice a day on average instead of more because my wife’s sex drive is that high.  That’s how much she is attracted to me, loves me, and wants me.  I was letting her down.  Her great body that should have been driving me crazy was being ignored for people who meant nothing to me on the web.

Porn even made me lazy.  I wouldn’t do any at home workouts and my “desk job” managed to pack on an additional 30 pounds making me officially overweight for my height.  Still through all of this, my wife strongly desires me.

I’m lucky gentleman.  Yea my game is good as are my looks, but how many men can say the same in a similar situation? My wife is just that loyal and into me.

I could have very well permanently sabotaged my relationship and marriage to get that momentary high from watching and jerking to porn.

My wife deserves more. She deserves all the sex she can get from me, regardless if I’m feeling horny or not.  Porn only lowered my libido. It’s a dangerous drug that’s hard to give up.  Even still, I sometimes feel permanently altered from its affect when me and my wife go at it.

It’s a lesson I will teach my two sons. I encourage all of you to do the same and be careful – even using it as a stimulus for you and your wives.  Avoid it.  Your wife or girlfriend has a body that you should ravish.  Study hers and do exactly that.

Sometimes the old wisdom from those prudish puritan conservatives and I daresay insane raving feminists who disprove of porn for opposite reasons can be correct.  Plenty of studies tell us about the ill effects of porn on men and even on women who have developed addictions.  You just don’t take those effects seriously until it happens to you.

Playing Pretend Men With The Perfect Persona

So many internet tough guys out there tell us how it should be done, how we will change the world, and what Utopias we can envision in a pleasant future.  This assumes we’ve gotten over our addiction to schadenfreude to begin our monk like meditation.  It’s an addiction worse than heroin for anyone with a smart phone, twitter, and too much time on their jealousy soaked hands.  Eventually it breeds a toxicity that you feel yourself drowning in.

Matt Forney and Aurini made this point in a recent stream and they are absolutely right about the detox that we all so desperately need to start.

The problem is that’s it’s everywhere.  Zombies with an addiction to digital flesh from internet controversy, gossip, and virtue signaling every which way to settling for rants, mudslinging, meme trolling, and the occasional cat video.  Everyone rants about problems, but the thinkers coming up with solutions are left in the web traffic stat dust. Yet again, those who are doing the legwork won’t be likely appreciated until they pass from this mortal coil.    Rather we prefer staying in our choir rooms as it preaches to itself for the umpteenth time.

That flesh the zombies consume is fed by a source the Luddites never could foresee – the very internet itself.  The web is every sci-fi writer’s greatest fantasy; a shockingly easily wielded tool capable of great good but also terrible evil.  No, that’s not even enough of an attempted literary description to give you that vivid picture that should haunt your smart phone attached fingers.

Will we take a break?

Toxicity from it spews everywhere.  It’s hard to avoid.  Gutters are our everyday walk. We love to see the outspoken fall, but we cry deep tears when it happens to us.  Most of what we stand for is often based on telling others what trash they are.  While our opposition may be trash, it tires us out. We know there must be more.

Yet it’s brought on by ourselves.  We are soaking ourselves in this toxic insanity.   People are burnt out.    Politics has just turned people even more jaded liches of themselves, but is burning people out.  Take that hint and take a break.  You can step away and it will all still be there when you get back.

Be careful, life might leave you behind.

Our addiction to information overload is fueled by a desire to always be in the moment and NEVER miss out.  By the way our culture looks these days, it’s stronger than sex.    What flurry of information we pick to fill our heads with says alot about us.  We dont just allow, but get high off constant distraction.  As Neil postman predicted, we are amusing ourselves to death.   The addiction almost killed Andrew Sullivan.

That distraction is better than taking action.  We can yell from our arm chairs with the latest bit of constant 24/7 gossip and stupid feminists to laugh at, instead of doing anything to create that famed shire culture we frolic about.  Laci Green said this and a Jezebel article said that! Who cares. Does this gossip like debunking of progressive nonsense actually do anything? Schadenfreude is amusing, but isn’t there more?

What Are We Doing?

Creation requires effort, risk, and a departure from swiping on tinder and trying to game girls with low self esteem at bars.  Any kind of rebuilding or simply building anew of a culture and worldview that wont’ shatter at the foundations means our goals have to be about solutions rather than the rants and criticism that are so easy to vegetate on.

So why are we here in our corners of the manosphere and alt whatever?

We are here to help men who want to be helped to lead better and more enjoyable lives.” – Lizard Of Oz

If this is truly our goal, we are in serious danger of losing our way.

Even on our much revered forum of the manosphere, so much of the talk revolves around laughing about the pain of progressive SJWs, fat feminists who are LITERALLY slowly eating themselves to death, and women who too late realized that their corporate jobs didn’t care about them when they considered having a family.  Instead…“HAHA! Stupid bitch deserved it!”   Poetic justice I guess. On to the next one.  Is this really our high?

Hell I recall an article by feminist Julie Bindel who was worried that feminism was in danger of becoming toxic  – a point it’s far past – because of how vicious it’s twitter army had gotten.  That toxicity – though from an entirely flawed and vicious worldview can be seen in our own pastures as we lob grenades into their trenches.

Sure it feels good, but in the end, what are we doing to help men become better?  To get out of their predicaments? To help rebuild the shattered teenager getting out of highschool whose feminized teachers ensure he will be a virgin into his 30s and end up stuck in that “anger” phase, even if does find the red pill?

We need to detach from the venom before it’s all that’s left of us.

At the core we forget the human element of all of this and that you can catch far more flies with honey than with vinegar, even if that vinegar burn is as entertaining as Mister Metokur’s takedowns.  Case in point is a Kid Strangelove post on Matt Forney’s site:

So invite you, my dear reader, to make a commitment with me. Let’s all be good guys. Let’s try to spread as much care and joy to other people as we can. Let’s be good, positive human beings. Because it is through this goodness that our message can spread and become more accepted. It is through this goodness that our message, our stories, our lessons, will have a new audience. It is through this goodness that we help our fellow man.”

Our addiction ends up being to the vinegar. It’s sad.

We have to detach ourselves from the digital monster, before we become it.  In fact, this is a fate that is being seen across the spectrum.   I’ve made an effort over time to do just that. Every day, I’ll just take in the scenes around me, the flush of chattering voices, smiles, roars, and the attempt of people to just get through their day.

What I’ve realized makes me somewhat ashamed.

Broken people. Everywhere.  It’s just that the online addicts have it the worst. Even when they venture into that sunlight, their thoughts are consumed digital anticipation.  Their friendships based around ideologies that could deliver betrayals worse than Judas.

It’s no way to live.

At some point, I just want to help them.  I know these people in real life. Their online pitchforks gleam in the blood red moonlight, yet when you see the downtrodden looks in their faces after a tedious job they hate has gut punched them yet another day.  Longing for something as real as the feeling of sand sifting between your fingers.

At some point, I long for healing.

Hopefully sooner, rather than later.  Look at where we are at in history and you’ll notice we are in a downturn in the cycle. This open nastiness and toxicity we see is just merely part of the beginning stage.  It will get much worse. Hopefully some of our “enemies” realize that when shit in the fans, they are just as human as we are.

Now I as well as the rest of you are sick of being attacked day in and day out by liberal types, hit pieces from the media, and virtue signalers who throw us under the bus rather the risk the “wrong” associations.   Thing is there are tons of them out there.  You can’t really do much to swim back up against the current.

What you can do however is reserve your own grenades for those who attack your friends, family, and the men you choose to stand with.  Always stand by them through the darkest of times and reserve your attacks for those who come for their livelihoods.   However, for the rest of those around us, enjoy each day as it comes.