Lake County’s Mordor: Round Lake and the Orcs

Modern day orcs come in all shapes and sizes, but the local overweight jack-booted orcs wear black uniforms and wield powers and weapons that would make Sauron jealous. That taser can come out for anything.  Now, these particular orcs won’t behead you and feast on your flesh, but they will try to catch you and make you pay yet another soul-sucking financial toll tax.   Oh, and just another reason to add to why Illinois sucks.  There is no such thing as paying your fair share. They always want more.  (Okay, there are two good cops in that department that I have met, I just despise the blue code of silence they are still apart of.) 

Welcome to Round Lake – Mordor – as I call it.  Be afraid. Be very afraid. The main valley of death is on Rollins road.  It starts at Fairfield and goes all the way to Rt. 83.   On Rollins between Cedar Lake Rd. and Lotus is where you are most likely to be mugged of at least a 4th of your paycheck.   Even if you drive exactly the speed limit, cower in fear if a cop pulls behind you.  The orc is looking for anything to make you pay that additional toll.

My advice: Make an immediate right into the next convenience location. If they pull behind you, park and turn off your car.   If the lights flash and they ask why you have pulled over – a.k.a suspicious behavior – tell them you are in fear for your life and wallet with orcs behind you.  This isn’t Mayberry, and you can bet your ass they have no interest in protecting you, but in serving you fines for something.

On weekends, the Orcs are most vigilant on the prowl.  Beaters, cars overflowing with bumperstickers, and minority and/or young drivers and passengers are usually on the hit list.  If you don’t speak English – which probably about 10% of the population in Round Lake does not – you are about to lose even more money.

Sidenote – The good in Round Lake:  One of the few reasons I enjoy anything about Round Lake is because of the hispanic population. Besides my admiration and enjoyment of the culture, the food, the people, and language (Which I’m learning.) it is the only damn place nearby where I can go to watch the Champions League with people who will enjoy it as much as I do.   Side story from a cop: Unfortunately the cops still go after their places of dwelling. Apparently you can’t own roosters on your own property and the cops will exterminate them upon discovery. 

Mordor is home to a nearby Lake County courthouse a.k.a. the dark tower.  Trashy and morally bankrupt municipalities desperate for cash like Mordor have realized that tickets that mandate a traffic court appearance are a fantastic way to generate even more revenue. No shit right?  It’s easy to blame the cops – which you bet your ass I will – without also assigning blame to greedy broke havens like Round Lake.

Your traffic ticket fine might be only 35$, but the 200$+ in court fees for things your tax dollars are already supposed to be financing is just more money for the area to burn before it throws into the blackhole of bonuses, pay raises, ect for the desperately poor public service sector of Illinois.  I am seriously tempted to pay the next traffic ticket I get entirely in nickels. Oh, but the poor clerks! Nope they are employed by these legalized looters and can suffer like the rest of us normal civilians.

My fellow hobbits and oppressed people’s of Mordor; survive. It is the greatest feat you can accomplish.  Also, don’t attempt to explain anything if spotted by a harassing orc. You don’t want to get some BS charge of “disturbing the peace” or “obstruction of justice.”  Seriously, even if you were minding your own business, not moving, staring into the sky, there is some obscure law they can nail you with.

My best friend lives in Round Lake, and I have to go through whenever I go to work and/or school, so I must evade and survive. I encourage others to do the same.  Be smart, and remain free. Most of us who live paycheck to paycheck can’t afford a ticket and a court appearance, but that won’t stop the orcs and the politicians whose pockets their unions grease.

The solution? Besides protesting outside the police station and probably being tased, tear-gassed, and curbed stomped, record every encounter. These orcs break the law themselves on a daily basis. We only have to catch them multiple times on video to make something stick though.

Live long and prosper.