Author’s Note: This article will be updated, edited consistently, and possibly republished as I focus my thoughts and ideas as time goes on. I’m not an intellectual nor an amazing writer. I’m just some guy trying to flush out what plagues our modern existence. Thoughtful genuine critique is welcome. This long post is divided into two parts with the second focusing on ideas to forge a new mythos and identity.
Something is wrong with modern society. We can feel it in our bones. It chills us like a sinister X- Files conspiracy in which our souls and spirit have been stolen away. We can smell the rot abounding and growing in their absence and we know its more than just the curse of a bizarre post-modernism that’s permeated our modern lives.
The post-Cold War framework we evaluated, measured, and determined our identities no longer holds weight. Useless is the “left vs right” and “liberal vs conservative” paradigms that culture, politics, and even daily life were seen through. It’s been rendered obsolete by our new digital age and a “new” set of problems festering for decades behind the scenes that have finally surfaced.
Almost everyone regardless of their political affiliations can see that the world around is falling apart. We are reaping the seeds we’ve sown in the past all the way from the French Enlightenment to the Post-Christian West as our substituted gods have started to crumble.
Editors Note: I use quotes and italics for “white” and various suffixes of it because it’s hard to know who is “white” and how that’s determined anymore. (Mixed? Italians? White Hispanics who have too much conquistador in them? Arabs? North Africa? What?)
Unbearable “Whiteness” overtook these divers as they rescued Thai children who had been stuck in a cave. Pay no attention to the fact that these kids are safe, but rather to their rescuers who were clearly not burdened enough by their… “whiteness”. What deplorables! In fact we should encourage this behavior, but more on that later.
It must be quite the burden. “Whiteness” here. “Whiteness” there. “Whiteness” everywhere! What can be done to deal with horrid state of institutional systematic “whiteness” dear advocates of love, harmony, justice? Sometimes I fear that the burden may be too much to overcome.
The term itself isn’t just speaking truth to power. Lucrative it has become. Over the last few years more and more woke people – often “white” themselves – drop it as an odd badge of honor. It’s now permeated out of the backwater holes and into the mainstream.
Forney with Aurini had a recent stream on Candice Owens and her rise to prominence via “grifting” in Conservative circles. I will say that I don’t hold quite the antipathy toward Owens as others do and I specifically appreciate her role in helping to confirm what many of us already knew about Zoey Quinn – that she was harassing herself and making a virtue signaling false flag racket with it.
It however brings up an overall trend that’s been happening in the last few years and what I’m going to label as “Dissident Appropriation”. We saw it with the anti-feminists on YouTube, the Skeptic “community”, various members of the Red Pill communities, and in the Dissident Right in general.
What did we see?
Even in the Dissident Right as well as other associated spheres, you’ll notice there’s a crop of people – often anonymous or semi anonymous – trying to create a name for themselves. It happened with the manosphere and now it’s happening throughout the Dissident Right at large.
People coming in to make a quick buck and trying to create a product – not a bad thing necessarily – but with little actual ORIGINAL thoughts and ideas. They just rehashed what had been circling in the various spheres from the abstract and intellectual writings of reactionaries to the Red Pill shock jock larger-than-life style bloggers.
Color me confused that in today’s modern world of global communication, we appear to still be in those fraught times where the Chinese don’t want you getting too cushy with any members of the Mongol horde and contact might get you viewed as spy and saboteur. Don’t even go near their horses.
What alarmed me in particular this time was that to some gun control advocates, anyone who didn’t denounce the NRA as a terrorist organization or opposed gun control was personally responsible for the shooting and was of course a vile, despicable, human being who supports kids being murdered.
That’s a pretty easy strawman to beat in public for an applauding mob. But wait, are’t these the same people who are interested in diversity? Not when it comes to worldview and politics apparently. In fact dissenters need to be isolated, dehumanized, and possibly targeted. If you can cost them friends and family as well as various public shamings, all the better right?
Welcome to conversation in the 21st century on the internet which is now spilling over into people’s actual real lives. Rid yourself of dialogue and arm yourself with a cell phone and your targets contact information and workplace details that can be submitted to a two minute hate twitter mob.
Have the wrong opinions and be at the wrong rallies and you can be beaten by AntiFa to the applause of self-professed very tolerant people. They aren’t humans after all, they are apparently fascists and violence against them is justified. (You don’t want to end up like AntiFa.)
Perhaps we are much more divided in terms of worldview and culture in America then we ever have been, but since when did dissenting views equal incompatibility with even spending time or associating with someone? When did it start to approach being okay with violence toward them?
Recently I was having a conversation with a family member – one that I very much respect -who was surprised at how I could become “friends” with someone in the Dissident Right who my family member considered to have rather reprehensible views. (Granted, most of my family members would consider him to have said reprehensible views.)
He was particular surprised by me using the word friend. Why would you become friends with someone with views and speech seen as inexcusable or unacceptable? (While I don’t agree with this friend on everything, he is still a friend.)
Well regardless of where you are on the political spectrum, it’s a damn good question.
How I Became a Deplorable With Detestable Views
Picking my friends, associates, or villainous enemies to be denounced on twitter based on what they think or hide in perspective closets has always simply been a matter of how and where I meet people.
Hookah lounges. Bars. Concerts. Churches. Raucous Parties. Parties I will not mention. Internet Forums. Gaming Circles. Gaming Servers. Family functions. Work. My Old Campus.
Years ago before Trump was a thing, I used to play an online browser game called Astro Empires. While I’ve retained a friend from that game, one other “friend” – a rather progressive one – on Facebook told me he couldn’t be friends with me anymore because my views were detestable. We even really enjoyed soccer too! (At that time I was first stumbling across the Manosphere.)
When I reflected upon that moment, the recent conversation I had between me and my family member prompted that EUREKA moment in my puny bigoted backwards brain; plenty of people today view life style, worldview, political, or even cultural differences and disagreements as the whole of a person.
If their views are too far out there or “offensive”, their friendship is something that’s found to be shocking. I find this notion troubling as to what it implies; you are what you secretly dare to ponder upon in the late night hours when you entertain crimethink thoughts about the nature of man, society, and any other specifically touchy controversial subjects where voicing opinions on what you actually think could get you fired from your job because guilt by association.
Talking to people, associating with them, or even communicating or working with them on mutually agreed ideas – even if you differ with them on everything else is certainly not allowed.
What happened to Quinn Norton, which while it certainly didn’t happen to me reminds me of myself. She got fired hours after being hired by the New York Times for talking with the wrong people. Quinn dared to “associate” with Weev or the greatest deviant villain alive on the internet today, Andrew Aurenheimer founder of the Daily Stormer. Whoops.
Obviously Quinn is the opposite of a Nazi, but the fact that she had communicated with him on just ONE idea they shared the same opinion on and that she felt was important produced some sort of alternate internet depiction of her as a Nazi.
I was called a Nazi because of my friendship with the infamous neo-Nazi known on the internet as weev—his given name is Andrew Auernheimer; he helps run the anti-Semitic website The Daily Stormer. In my pacifism, I can’t reject a friendship, even when a friend has taken such a horrifying path. I am not the judge of who is capable of improving as a person.
This philosophy also requires me to confront him about his terrible beliefs and their terrible consequences. I have been doing this since before his brief time as a cause célèbre in 2012—I believe it’d be hypocritical for me to turn away from this obligation. weev is just one of many terrible people I’ve cared for in my life.
I don’t support what my terrible friend believes or does. But I strongly advocate for people with a good sense of themselves and their values to engage with their terrible friends, coworkers, and relatives, to lovingly confront them for as long as it takes, and it would be wrong to not do so myself. I had what I now see as the advantage of coming from a family of terrible people.
This taught me that not everyone worthy of love is worthy of emulation. It also taught me that being given terrible ideas is not a destiny, and that intervention can change lives.
One article that covered her reaction to her Twitter scalping had this particular gem of a comment posted:
“There’s a big difference between being friends with people in private and changing their minds personally, one-by-one, and being friends with people publicly and normalizing their BS. If friendship with the Nazi is so important to her, let them be friends. But if it’s part of her public persona, that makes it part of NYT’s public persona, that makes a big cultural voice voting for white supremacy – welcome to 2018. Everyone can see everything, everyone can hear everything.”
Right there in this tripe of slime comment is everything that is wrong with social media, the internet, and our outrage culture in general. I’m picking on this comment in particular because this is EXACTLY the kind of attitude I see reflected by so many saintly twitter and social media stake burners when they light their torches.
Being friends with bad people – or those deemed to be by our new cultural overlords – is the same thing as “normalizing” their views. Pious peasants don’t associate with heretic harbingers or they risk becoming them or promoting them.
Even if you are friends with a Troll, Sauron, Nazi or worse -a Communist considering their body count in the 20th century – talking, eating, communicating, gaming, participating in gay orgies, or shooting the shit with them isn’t going to “Normalize” anything.
We aren’t our political or worldview beliefs. We are Jack, Jon, Joan, and June who are living life in the 21st century in the digital age afflicted by social media Popes who think that too many “radical” blog posts or social media rants are the absolute embodiment of what someone is 24/7.
Can’t the friend police ever take a damned break? Don’t they have lives? Is this really what they want to reflect upon gloriously when on their death beds?
I always viewed having various friends and associates like a 9-5 job where after you got done talking about what you thought – no matter how heinous it was deemed to be, you then went on with your life. You kept drinking beer, smoking stogies, and telling stories late into the night with them.
In fact, I would imagine myself as a professor or his neighbor. I could have a daily talk with some uber male feminist ally like Michael Kimmel, have very different conclusions, and go back to grabbing a beer with him later while throwing darts.
The disagreements, while fundamental to our worldview differences and how we choose to life life and spend time would fade while we live our normal lives. One would leave work, go home, unwind, and enjoy time with family and friends. Another would go to the bar, play softball or volleyball, or watch the newest Game Of Thrones episode together.
That right there. Normal life.
Journey Of Self Discovery
When you form your worldview and outlook on life, it happens over time – often in a kind of butterfly and domino effect of situations, events, friends, and where you spend your time. It’s a journey, just maybe not as adventurous and epic as something out of Lord Of The Rings.
I’m far from a modern day Jesus, but I have and do associate with plenty of sinners, reprobates, and people who are today’s version of heretics.
Lately there’s been a wave of miserly curmudgeons who want to dictate who you can and can’t hang with. If you deviate, you are labeled some sort of ist /ism or more frequently a fascist or Nazi lover.
It’s not like I went out trying to make friends with hardcore druggies, dangerous online deviants, violent biker types, or Molotov cocktail wielding AntiFa activists. Rather I simply kept looking for the truth and I was going to wherever it led.
I wanted to find out who I was. Being drawn to controversy, mischievous and dirty humor, abstract in-the-clouds freedom of speech ideals, gaming, history, rebellion, cigars and smoking, etc all played apart in the paths I would choose at the forks in the road.
In fact, it was similar creating a character class with attributes in an RPG. I was forging an identity as there were flaws in my current thinking and approach at the time that left me feeling like I was wasting away in the wind while others clearly were not.
What led me even more into the devious, deviant, and every “ist” and “ism” under the sun circles is the simple fact that they were as hostile as I was to control over freedom of association.
Not once did the mean miserly misogynists sexist racists in the manosphere writhe in constant shouting, shaming, and denunciation of myself for being friends with feminists, social justice advocates, Black Israelites, “liberals”, Trump haters, ect.
Neither did those in the #GamerGate, the Dissident Right, and even in horrible dangerous despicable your-soul-may-perish-for-eternity places like the Roosh V forum.
In fact, not once did some White Nationalist or Supremacists types I talked to flip shit over the fact I talked to Jews, had Jewish friends, and didn’t loathe them. Even in the case of me being mixed race, my family being mixed race of various sorts, and plenty of friends and associates being every kind of ethnicity, race, culture, factions and members of various “groups” did this occur.
After a while, I realized where the real “bigots” were coming from and who was surprisingly far more “tolerant” despite having all sorts of views I didn’t agree with. At the end of the day, I didn’t have to be fully 100% on board with Nazis jackbooting in Harlem with a Hivemind to agree with them that feminism is bad thing.
Look what happens to people like Laci Green who are still ardent feminists and social justice advocates who dared to ask questions and not be completely in lockstep. They of course get all the nasty labels deliberately designed to rid them of their humanity, making them acceptable targets.
After all, if someone isn’t human and their views have no place in “acceptable” society, then there are no rules that limit what you can do to them. The insane exaggerated hyperbole and straw-men they are tarred with is therefore not only “acceptable” but apparently some sort of cosmic justice.
Dissenters must be squashed. For some in uber progressive circles where they spiritually and mentally self-mutilate themselves for not being better allies, they reach a breaking point. The term “Peak Trans” comes to mind. Now they not actually suddenly jump to the right politically, but they end up realizing that they can’t survive in a hive mind which allows for no free thinking.
Social media just exacerbates this problem of free thinking. Express views where you question a popular and accepted narrative? People lose their minds and you become a Nazi, ist, or ism. People will take screenshots of denouncing you and “defriending” you.
One is either a hero or a villain – no in between. If you associate with them in anyway or dare to be friends with them, then via guilt by association, you also become a hero or villain.
Pearce Tefft proclaimed that “Peter Tefft, my son, is not welcome at our family gatherings any longer. I pray my prodigal son will renounce his hateful beliefs and return home. Then and only then will I lay out the feast.”
To quote the guy from 300 who get’s kicked into that bottomless pit, “This is madness.”
I have two sons, and regardless if they became die-hard SJWs who loathed every view I espoused, they’d be welcome in my house. I’m not pouring years of time, smelly diapers, long nights, and the joys of watching them crawl, walk, and start talking down some drain filter because of what they might believe.
In fact the mere thought of it really bothers me. I can see not marrying or dating someone because of it, but your very own flesh and blood?
However, this isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s one of human nature. Plenty of family members, villagers, tribesmen, etc. have disowned each other to the point of the sword because of differences in belief.
However that was then, this is now. Right?
Supposedly the Enlightenment and Age of Reason were supposed to put us past this, but they haven’t. I’m not going to bother to go into the reasons for that, but I will say that social media obviously fuels this polarization and dichotomy of us vs them.
For some people, they aren’t just content to “de-friend” and dehumanize you, they also believe you need to lose your job, be unable to pay your mortgage, and ensure you are out on the streets. Your family who you support financially? They don’t give a shit.
I’ve been an advocate of fighting fire with fire – specifically those people who threaten to or go after people’s jobs. However, with finances being tight for myself and with me being the sole provider for my wife and two sons, it’s hard for me to imagine attempting similar retribution to someone, even if they were the aggressors in trying to get me or people with whom I hold similar views with fired.
At some point, we have to draw the line as to how far one should go in a polite and civilized society – while it still barely remains one.
To all you activists out there, regardless of your stripe and creed, how far are you willing to go?
Seriously, consider that so many ardent screaming activists are often far removed from the situations and people they express outrage about. Do those who scream about gun control the loudest with the biggest platforms live in Baltimore in the ghetto? Often they don’t.
Those same people are then shocked when they exit their bubble and briefly enter another where very different views are held. You’d think they’d embrace that diversity, but often they just point, shriek, and scream “HERETIC!” Often, that’s where the mutual conversation ends and the pitchforks and torches begin.
Is this really how any of us want to live? Where we can’t separate someone from their politics or opinions? I certainly don’t, but I fear far too many do.
Many progressive have obsessed over race to the point its turned them into bitter people who can’t take time off to enjoy life. For others they’ve become self-loathing “allies” too busy worrying about their privilege to realize there’s more lessons to be learned from history than just “oppression.”
So take a hint from the self-inflicted pain these people put them through and DONT DO THE SAME.
One things many of us on the Dissident Right should be aware of is history and how demographics across the world have adapted and changed through conquest, migration, colonization, and various other methods. They all overlap in various circles and variables.
Humans are tribal. We always have been and likely always will. Race, ethnicity, cities, families, regions, tribes, etc all represent various “circles” that overlap.
Think of the Google+ circle overlap of friends, acquaintances, etc. The internet, ease of travel, and technology have changed our “identities. Because you can travel 100 miles with a car in mere hours, you and a host of other people can show up at a metal concert, all look somewhat similar, mosh and partake in an event that builds an identity for all those there.
Yes, “Us vs them” is a natural human instinct and its effect up until the last 300 years can’t be understated when used to distract the populace from their real overseers. It doesn’t however mean everything should be “us”, whoever that might be, vs some other group. Not every aspect of life is not a zero sum game.
Now I’ll admit, I may have a bias. I don’t even know if I’m bi-racial. The Turks burned all of our damned records in the genocide, but considering how many different times Armenia was conquered and how many different Empires and other groups have gone through it, I probably have a whole host of Middle Eastern, Russian, and maybe even Asian blood in me. (I’m going to take an ancestry test). My European half is various mix of ethnicity.
I don’t live in Chicago, but even in the part of Illinois I live, I know ALOT of mixed, bi-racial people, not just including both sides of my family and my wives. It’s not deliberate persay, it just happened – probably because the Lake County area generates ALOT of jobs, just as nearby Kenosha County in Wisconsin is starting too. People move to where the jobs are. (Cook County is dead to me.)
Stop seeing the extremes and loud voices from external groups as the complete representation. Most black people don’t care about Black Lives Matter, social justice, or intersectional nonsense. Sure, they might have some agreement with the overall thrust behind BLM, but they’d much rather just go about living life than obsessing over the white man.
Again you will have the malcontent trust fund types who have too much time on their hands and a luxury of funds to major in African studies, but most black people dont. They aren’t wasting their time studying about “oppression”. They are working, trying to survive like everyone else, and enjoy the time they have.
Most Hispanics don’t care about La Raza. The most disagreeable position they might have with you is immigration, and even then, it’s not uniform. They don’t hate “whites” anymore than any other group. Sure, they have they radicals, but if you aren’t at a college campus in a VERY urban city, they won’t care.
Interracial sex and in some cases marriage is inevitable. Hell, in 50 years, it will be harder to tell who is mixing with who. Just because it’s been weaponized by progressive race obsessed miserable fanatics doesn’t mean it’s somehow wrong, bad, or negative.
What’s inevitable about it? Simply history shows that groups will intermingle given migration, conquest, or in today’s day the ability to simply pack up and move. Sure, there are some rather nasty statistics that have been mentioned ad nauseum already that we shouldn’t overlook. (Particularly that most black men regardless of the race of the women they have children with often don’t just refrain from marrying the mother, but often leave her as well. Granted I have a strong sympathy for black men – not because of racism/opression, but that’s for another time.)
Those of us in the “manosphere” should be very familiar with the numerous reasons why black and white men in particular might choose to date and marry outside of their race and I can’t fault them for it either.
While the DailyStormCucks are obsessing about white purity and how it looks via ghetto trash representatives and the occasional armchair philosphers, they keep overlooking that what it means to be “white” has changed drastically in the last 100 years alone.
Zimmerman was a “White Hispanic”. Italians, Greek, and various Balkanites weren’t white 100 years ago. Just two hundred years ago the Irish were looked at as mongrels. We can’t even tell if people from North Africa are White, Arab, or “African” or some mixture of all or how different they are from each other in the two thousand years of constant warfare between each other, invasions, conquests, and migrations.
Even Hispanics originating from Hispania – that’s Spain and Northwest Africa – are part white and whatever else after mixing with the local natives – another example of “interracial” inevitability. Look at other parts of the world.
How many people from Asia and the Middle East have Mongolian, Seljuk Turk, or Mughal in them? How many people alone are descended from Genghis Khan today? How many people in Western Europe, Russia, etc have Scandinavian Viking in them? Yes, the Japanese and Han Chinese might be their own exceptions.
Racial purity isn’t necessarily good or bad, but it’s unlikely somewhere like the US where you’ve had various waves of immigration. Yes, people do stick to their own groups, but plenty will look for love elsewhere and where it’s most easily available. (Not to exclude opportunity, work, education, etc.)
Acknowledging racial, ethnic, gender, etc differences is important. Ignoring them doesn’t make any of it go away. James Damore was fired for daring to talk about it.
If we don’t, we will never be able to improve our lot, or those around us. Dave Rubin did an interview with Stefan Molyneux on the subject, and while I’m not sure I place the same stake in “IQ” tests that he does, it’s worth watching to see how it affects how we live. (Criticism from a left-leaning source here.)
Acknowledging racial and ethnic differences doesn’t mean we need to sterilize “low IQ” people or thrust some crazy eugenic influence into law like the early social progressives tried to do with their social Darwinism.
It simply means that we need to address what we know. Now there’s plenty of insanity in this category with lots of supposed “pseudo-science” being clung around, but regardless the more we talk about it, the better it can be vetted.
There’s this idea that high IQ people have no flaws and are always ideal to a countries prosperity and success. Sure, they are important, but their penchant to do evil with their brilliance is also a possibility. Low IQ types may resort to crime, but many don’t and won’t.
Africa might have some of the lower IQ averages, but it’s more of an indication of constant and complete population displacement and a lack of exposure and well traveled trade routes that facilitate the exchange of knowledge and eventual academic undertaking.
Give some place like Uganda relative peace, 500 years of generations being exposed to a consistent 8th grade level education, majority of the populace being literate and watch what happens. Europe, the Middle East, or Asia didn’t magically build universities, hospitals, ect in 100 years.
It’s going to take time for the 3rd world to get to a 2nd world level. Unfortunately for Africa, the corruption that is so innate to MANY of the cultures of African countries – and the governments there -will test to see if it’s possible. Perhaps the worldview shift taking place in parts of Africa – the rise of Christianity – will start to have an effect on the corrupt culture.
Don’t forget the kind of effect Christianity had on the culture and peoples of the Germanic tribes, Gauls, Franks, Danes, and even the Vikings. Look at what Sweden became – or virtually all of Europe for that matter. It didn’t happen overnight.
Ideas have consequences, regardless of the culture they are from. If there’s anything history tells us, it’s that certain ideas – often many of those in the Anglosphere, some in Asia, and others in Europe and the Americas can uplift a society.
The Middleast is stuck where it is for a reason, despite dominance up to the mid 17th century. An industrial revolution and the ideas necessary for it never took old. The same can be said for most of Africa.
With the introduction of the internet and incredible easy accessible means to learn, share, and obtain information, that may change. However, it will take at least several generations for those changes to start to take root and have results.
You can’t have a cohesive stable functional identity based on race. You can have one based on commonalities, but race doesn’t quite fit the bill here. Brazilians don’t have much in common with the Venezuelans, the Poles with the English, the Japanese with the Vietnamese, the Nigerians with the Somali, etc.
Even similar ethnicities like the Belgian Walloons and Flemmings don’t have much in common, despite sharing the same country. Old ties die hard.
A “white” ethnostate is not just a stupid idea – considering what alt right whites like Spencer and ultra liberal whites like Michael Moore have in common, but an impractical one. It’s just as dumb as any other racial ethnostate. The modern world and means of travel make it an impossible one.
Also the constant melding of people over time means one wont know who is necessarily white, black, brown, asian ect over time if the Hispanics – who are partially white just from their spanish roots – are already demonstrating. The “mutt” of various European blood which intermixed will soon happen here on an even bi-racial scale here.
Sure, you might be able to form an identity based on who you are comfortable living next to, but spend some time in urban, rural, and everywhere in between and you’ll find out how different the world is.
Yes, we are tribal. I feel loyalty to men in the manosphere, as well as some of those in the dissident right, but my familial obligations and loyalty come first – even more so than I thought.
Right there is where you form your identity. Family isn’t necessarily biological and blood related – it’s the close friends, often in similar circles, you make over your lifetime that become like blood. This is where we must start.
“In this climate, I can well imagine that people are scared to death to show the slightest romantic interest in anybody in the workplace, for fear that they’ll be accused of “sexual assault.” How are people supposed to meet each other for normal human courtship, then? I ask this as the father of two sons and a daughter. I don’t want these kids to grow into adults who sexually harass or who are sexually harassed. But I also worry about false accusations that could ruin them professionally and personally. If you aren’t worried about this too, you aren’t paying attention.”
(Yes, I do actually enjoy reading Rod and I think the Benedict Option is a worthy alternative.)
While the left has been annihilating any of the Christian moral foundations to American law and culture, they haven’t come up with any coherent worldview to indoctrinate the populace and the “identity” based alternatives they offer have caused a backlash from people who don’t want to turn the other cheek.
In fact, they don’t even care about being Christian. It’s a nominal thing for them just like it is for those Muslims who were born into it, but prefer life in the West with booze, drugs, and fast sex. They have no “faith” to hold them back to the moral high ground.
Indeed, a wake-up call for those who were convinced that the less “religious” people became, the more “progressive” and educated they would become. I suppose Trump’s election are making a few on the left quite woke.
Now remember, when prudish backward bigoted Christians pointed out the Pandora’s box that would be unleashed with unbridled and encouraged sexual degeneracy, they were dismissed, ridiculed, and of course labeled.
Now that the box is open and the Titans are wreaking havoc without restraint. Women, like men, were encouraged by feminists to engage in sexual deviancy and meaningless hook-ups in a culture and system that still retained the foundations and some men influenced by the Christian moral framework.
That’s gone. Tinder is here, and everyone is meat.
Those of us who don’t lie to ourselves know that men and women respond to sex differently and that women regret one night-stand far more than men. Obviously sex being more emotional for women and physical for men is misogyny.
Well, now the cultural identity left is forced to scramble to rectify the new imbalances created when they opened Pandora’s box. That includes the “Dear Colleague” letter on Title IX, an ungodly obsession with “sexual assault”, the constant attacks on “toxic masculinity”, demonizing of any male spaces, and an overall attempt to make men pay – in anyway possible – for pumping and dumping.
It has already turned the dating scene for many men – and women – into a nightmare. High insane unreasonable standards are thrust into normalcy. Blue collar men are thrown out of pool right away and single mothers and divorced women in their late 30s to early 40s are treated as potential booty calls at most.
The Depressing World Our Children Will Inherit
I try to avoid a pessimistic mindset when it comes to the future, but in this situation and circumstance the current reality seems to be growing worse. Me and my wife have two young infant sons.
What will the dating world look like for them when they go out and try to find a woman worthy of marriage? (Which means definitely not in the workplace anymore.)
As their Father, I will impart into them all of the “Red Pill” knowledge and wisdom I’ve accrued – admittedly not that much compared to better men out there. However, I fear they will be punished for their realistic attitudes, noble intentions, and their eventual ascent into manhood.
Rod makes a good point as to the kind of world our kids are going to enter when it comes to trying to find a spouse. I too am wondering just how far this insanity is going to go – on top of the increased hatred of men that my sons are certain to experience in a bleak future.
If they go through a similar “prodigal son” phase as I did, will it cost them everything? Will I have to tell them to video record their encounters just in case they have bad judgement?
If “affirmative” consent is being seriously considered – which it has via implementation as law in places like California, what will that mean when my sons engage in actual flirting, mannerisms, and “game” that makes women actually want to talk to them, date them, etc? Will asking a girl out immediately equate to “sexual harassment”?
Before I met my wife, I would go to bars with friends. I recall one time where a semi-drunk girl came up to me and started grinding on my body a bit as I was standing with my back turned to her. She also kissed my neck. She gave me that “Ewww” vibe.
I didn’t see her as attractive and I wasn’t looking for an easy bang/getting laid that night – more of a guys night out – so I nicely and gently pushed her away and went to the other side of the bar. I wasn’t harsh about it, but it took a bit of effort to claw her off me so to speak.
I didn’t give her permission. I certainly wasn’t “inviting” it with my demeanor and behavior at the time. Was it sexual harassment or even sexual assault? If you accept the feminist concept of it, then you bet your ass it is. Should I post #MeToo and try to find out who this girl is shame her, get her fired from her job, etc? Apparently so.
Rod links to a series of tweets by Cathy Young who makes some astute points on what we are unleashing:
On the other end, I’ve done similar things. I’m a firm believer in physical touch and slow escalation when mingling out in public – granted touching ones arm, shoulder, etc. If a girl didn’t like it, they usually moved away from me or in the very rare case would tell me not to touch them. That was the end of it.
So it comes down to that “permission” concept. The sexual revolution and it’s current sense of how any kind of sexual anything goes doesn’t seem to reconcile with how sex and human interaction works. Yet the irrational idea of “affirmative consent” is making its way out of colleges and into law.
It used to be a given that if you were with someone, even married to them, usually you didn’t need “permission” to initiate affection with them. Now this is under scrutiny, if not direct assault.
My wife doesn’t get “affirmative consent” from me when she wakes me up in the middle of the night when she’s feeling a sudden burst of passion. Sometimes I go with it, sometimes I end up pushing her off – both often in a semi sleep state which she tells me about in the morning. (In my defense, I have a high sex drive, but wifes is even higher.)
By the logic coming from these people on “sexual harassment/assault” every couple must be doing it to each other every day. Sometimes I’m tired and I don’t feel like having sex, but I oblige my wife who desires the release. Again feminists will find it border line rapey – diminishing the true horror the concept should incur within us.
We let this sexual “freedom” out of the bottle, but we never did examine those implicit parameters which guided it prior. We assumed the nature of the beast would be enjoyed in the same way it was before. Now people are finding out everything has to be “set in stone” to the point of killing how humans sexuality and romance actually occurs.
Now we are in for a turbulent unpredictable future – something that doesn’t bode well for allowing a society to remain stable.
Charlottesville has been all over the news for the last few days and it’s big. It’s been on almost every Facebook feed expanding to people who aren’t even very political. A common theme emerges. The Alt-Right = Nazis. All those Nazi Larpers in the background with their swastikas, armbands, seig heils, and all of that nonsense have tainted what the alt-right could have been; what it should have been – an alternative to Neocon weak conservatism.
At this point, the Nazis and the Hitler “lulz” trolls can have the label. Perhaps critics were right all along and Spencer’s supposed claim to the label ensured it was doomed from the start. Perhaps that’s all it was: a bunch of race obsessed, jew hating basement dwellers who were literally consumed by hate. (I tire of the Jew hating – oh and by the way – I found out I’m part Jewish!)
We’ve been trying to highlight for ages how vicious and dangerous AntiFa is. While they haven’t killed anyone and it’s probably a matter of time, some demented mentally unstable nazi wannabe did. He deliberately murdered a woman with his car in ISIS fashion. That’s all people see, and it’s all they will see – even though there is more to the story.
They wont see the vicious AntiFa violence there. They won’t see how the VPD not only stood down, but deliberately herded the “UniteTheRight” protesters into the path of AntiFa. Sure enough, the police would vanish and leave the two groups to fight it out Gangs Of New York style. This alone implicates that the authorities in heavily urban democratic cities are essentially cooperating with AntiFa. Shocker. I am Jacks complete lack of surprise.
Instead of seeing any of this, people see what was obvious – actual Nazis throwing up salutes, chanting “blood and soil”, and the works. How can any sane person look past actual Nazi flags and not associate who ever else was there with being a Nazi. Instead of kicking them out, you let them in.
We on the dissident right wanted so badly for the Alt-Right to become something – such as an actual alternative.. Now it’s done. Finished. Left to what appears to be actual damn Nazis. You wonder how foolish, stupid, and ignorant of history these people have to be.
When I looked at the Alt-Right, I thought the Nazi Larpers were a small minority, just like the AntiFa are with the progressives. Obviously they would be purged just like Conservatives of the 1950s purged the John Birch Society
I was wrong.
Obviously Nazis must be denounced, even though the left isn’t going to denounce AntiFa – who have communist sympathies and ideology. (An ideology thats killed 10s of millions.)
I enjoyed their trolling, the hilarious memes, and even chuckled at those terrible jokes that triggered the easily offended progressives to the point of Hillary herself reading them to a national audience.
They were the new 1950s conservatives and and all of us in the Dissident Right sphere were the rebellion fighting against a cruel evil empire. “It was the left’s turn for their sacred cows to be violated!”, we all told ourselves. We were the new anti-establishment. But that’s all we were.
What The Hell Have We Been Doing?
Rebels. With barely an articulate cause, because the “normies” weren’t worthy of wasting time for the glorious explanation from the budding Hitlerites. That’s what the 1488 Larpers insisted in their glorious socialism. We all thought they were just in it for the “lulz”. Instead they eventually believed their lulz. It became part of their identity.
Wasn’t building white identity supposed to be about building one that isn’t based purely on opposition and hate? How about redeeming the very concept from the popular mainstream slurs and showing it as something that isn’t about “supremacy” and superiority, but about simply being proud of your ancestors, heritage, and legacies they have built?
Instead they memed and kept whining about how their aren’t enough white babies, all the while refusing to bother to even take the first steps to attempt to create a family and make more of them! Apparently the inability to do that was the fault of “minorities”, Jews, and mixed mongrels like myself.
Yes, we all have been saying that demographics is destiny – both on the left or right. It is. We in the Dissident Right and the normies at large must outbreed the left who keeps murdering their babies in the womb. Encourage the feminists to keep doing it.
Yet you ignored core strategy and the public schools indoctrinating the kids we do have. Instead of throwing your weight behind men like Vox Day – someone who I disagree with on various matters -who are creating alternate platforms, you rallied to Spencer, Anglin, and other malcontents who were outright disasters for the Alt-Right every time.
You ripped on the men who actually tried to create families by marrying women from overseas for their horrid race mixing while you jerked off in your damn basements. You stomped on Christendom and called for a return to paganism, ignoring the fact Christianity is what built European identity and made it great. Well, you can have your weird cultish occult symbols, your rabid blinding hate, and blaming of everyone else for your drug epidemics.. That’s surely and identity that we need.
Their irony turned into sincerity as Common Filth pointed out. It was with a horrid shock that we realized they actually believed all these things. They really did loathe blacks, jews, and minorities to the point of revulsion. The hate had consumed them, their glorious Nazi identity and white identity based almost completely on opposition to others who were to be blamed.
Kind good hard-working immigrants don’t exist in their world. Mixed people are somehow tainted. Diversity regardless any valid reason is always terrible. Hispanics are all criminals. All black males are criminals. My personal experience working and being around all these “minorities” are all apparently anomalies. Yeah, okay.
Let’s get real here. I have mixed race family, and I’m not just talking about my moms side and our Armenian halves. My half-white/half-black cousins are twice the people than any of these Nazis and supposed White Nationalists are. If push comes to shove, their well-being is my priority.
How’s that for punching right? How does it feel after you shits have been punching right every damn day about how we didn’t blame the jews enough or were too cuckish?
Instead of pushing truth, beauty, goodness, and the Christian roots which made Western civilization, we ignored the Nazis as best we could. It’s now to our detriment. They were never the alt-right. But with one protest that accomplished nothing, they took the label and burned it like the KKK did a cross.
Dickey Spencer claims victory while Baked Alaska may never see again and Heather is now dead. Antifa or not, she’s dead. Alex Fields who hit her, scared or not, will be raped in prison. Lives have been lost and ruined for Spencer to have his “leadership” moment.
Forget the label. He can have it as well as some “peaceful” ethnostate he’s wants to work toward while somehow “peacefully” removing “non-whites” from their homes who have been living there for generations. That’s not evil at all.
We Should Have Been Bold
It should be OBVIOUS that any movement that doesn’t purge Nazis is a non-starter. No sane person will have anything to do with it, let alone should. Instead of that purge, interlopers in the Alt-right and even some in the Dissident Right decided that somehow “Nazis” were on the right. Somehow, someway those in the Alt-right actually believed the leftists propaganda of the last 50 years that “Nazis” are somehow right-wing.
You know, despite all the totalitarian and authoritarian positions that are held by many leftists today. Jonah Goldberg made this point abundant in “Liberal Fascism“, but they couldn’t be bothered with it because he’s a jew. We aren’t punching right.
The Alt-Reichtards were never “right” to begin with. Just because AntiFa is their enemy didn’t mean they were our ally. This was constantly lost on people. The enemy of your enemy is not always your friend, as so many people in history have realized by the end of a sharp spear.
What many of us in the Dissent Right failed to realize – myself included – was that many on the alt-right, particularly the White Nationalists, didn’t have any actual “identity” besides opposition to SJWs, BLM, radical feminists, and “anti-racist” progressives, etc.
Yes, we all didn’t like how “white” had become a pejorative and that white people shouldnt be ashamed or need to check their privilege. This came from mixed race people like myself. That should have been the sign.
“Put another way, if being pro-white is only going to mean anti-black or anti-Jew or anti-Asian, then it is never going to be a useful identity group. It’s just going to be the nullification of other identity groups. That’s not a movement with a future, because it’s definition lies outside its control. It’s why feminism is curdling into a home for barren spinsters. It’s just a list of grievances. In order to avoid that fate, white identity is going to have to be a positive identity that defines itself, independent of the rest of the world.”
This is what the movement has turned into. Constant blaming of Jews, Blacks, and every other group under the sun. Those racial purists couldn’t even realize that not only do historical demographics constantly change – like they always have, but that it’s changing right now. George Zimmerman was labeled a “White Hispanic.”
Articles are being published by crazed feminists about how lighter POC need to check their privilege or else they risk becoming white. It probably won’t be long until mixed race individuals are thrown into the category. (Remember that the Irish, Italians, Greeks, etc weren’t considered white until the 20th century.)
Despite this, they decided it had to be the core tenant. Insanity. Then the White Nationalists among us decided that Nazis were somehow acceptable, even though the Nazis historically didn’t mind killing and trying to subjugate the Greeks, French, Slavs, and Russians. They weren’t even about bloody white supremacy!
Western European identity has been dying. Instead of figuring out why, blame was placed solely on blacks, jews, and all those other marginalized groups instead of where it should be: the heretical French Enlightement and the secularists that destroyed the foundations and burned the roots of what made Europe great.
Seriously, ask yourself? What is actually left preserving in Europe. A new identity will be born, but it won’t be one that can’t exist without other groups around to blame to fuel it’s existence. Christendom which built Europe is already being rebuilt in Africa and South America.
While you’ve been raving and ranting about their IQs, Christianity has been transforming the area. There are already more Anglicans in Africa, than in the rest of the world. The next pope will be African. But no, you couldn’t get past the racial element.
Yes, we were with you for limiting immigration, securing the borders, diminishing the destruction wrought by globalists elites, bankers, and self serving corporations. We were with you in the fight to stop the feminist annihilation of the relationship between the genders and the nonsensical victim crying of social justice. We were with you to fight back against political correctness.
We even tolerated Spencer’s vicious attacks and disdain of Christianity while ignoring the insanity of a “white ethnostate” in the US. We sympathized with the vicious attacks wrought upon people branded “white” on a daily basis by progressives. I will teach my sons (75%) white to be proud of their heritage, who they, and to never apologize for any actions of their ancestors. I will however teach them the difference between Nazis and pride in who they are – something you couldn’t do.
But you had to let the Nazis larp with you. Well, enjoy your label. The people going out there to punch Nazis certainly will. The label is toxic because you let it become so.
Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians? – Adolf Hitler
In 1911 The Turks passed a national gun registration law with no apparent malicious intentions beyond increasing public safety – an argument we’ve heard before. When the Armenian genocide began in 1915, these gun registration lists were used to disarm the Armenian and other Christian populations. When they came to slaughter us, we were helpless.
“Turkish Army battalions cordoned off entire towns and villages and did gun sweeps. Once disarmed, the official state violence visited against the Armenians ratcheted up to murderous levels. Typically, on town-wide sweeps, all of the men and boys were taken away by the Turkish soldiers, never to be seen or heard from again.”
We have no Auschwitz. No memorial exists for us. Mention of the genocide is illegal and can get you shot in Turkey who deny it took place. They back Armenia’s enemies throughout the region, ensuring it’s isolation is complete. Iran is neutral without any intention of backup. We remain a diaspora of survivors scattered through the world.
Even those of us who remain in our homelands of thousands of years that were conquered by the Ottoman and Seljuk Turks and now make up modern Turkey are at risk of losing everything again. Our Muslim neighbors will desire to finish their conquest. It will never stop haunting us.
A few years ago, Turkey’s president, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, threatened to “deport” the remaining Armenian citizens in Turkey. Last year, he called “allegations” that he had Armenian blood “ugly,” insisting he was a “purebred Turk.”
With a mere scoop of your hand you can find our remains, bones, and skulls in the Der Zor desert. For Armenians who make the journey, it’s a painful one. To this day, most of us can’t trace our family histories. The Turks destroyed our churches where we kept our records of marriages and family tree – usually the first step when you want to remove the history of a people from the earth.
“My heart is like shattered homes and broken pillars thrown asunder . . . Wild birds will nest in our ruins . . . Let me throw myself into the water and be food for the fish’s babies . . . White waves lap upon the black sea about us and do not mix . . . In this melancholic, bewildered state, what can my darkened heart do?”– Lyrics translated by Armen Babamian from “Homeless” (Andouni), composed by Gomidas Vartabed in honor of Armenians broken and exiled by the Genocide
IF you want to remember and learn from the Armenian Genocide, make sure you are never fooled into supporting gun control, no matter the excuse. You might be a protected class today, but tomorrow could hold you a criminal. There was no one to come to our aid during the genocide. Reports and coverage were suppressed as much as possible by The Young Turks, thus most of our destruction had already been completed by the end of World War One. It wouldn’t just be us.
It happened to the Greeks, the Assyrians, the Copts, and countless others in the Middle East and Anatolia. Islam became a unifying factor in those who wished for our genocide. Promises of virgins for those who killed Armenians in the name of Allah were given. A headline from 1915 shouted the following, “The caliphate wages jihad against Christians. Victims are beheaded, crucified, and burned alive. Christian girls are sold into slavery. Centuries-old monuments are destroyed by jihadis.”
Of all the peoples of Christendom, our suffering and slaughter may be the worst, though the Greeks, Copts, Assyrians, Syrian Orthodox, Chaldeans, Lebanese, and other peoples of the middle east and northern Mesopotamia have suffered over the centuries under Islamic rule. Of course we haven’t forgotten how the people of Balkans fared under their Ottoman rulers. Even the local Muslims of the area lent their hand to murdering the Christians around them:
The degree of extermination and the brutality of the massacres indicate extreme pent-up hatred on the popular level. Christians, the so-called gawur [also giaour or ghiaour] infidels, were killed in almost all sorts of situations. They were collected at the local town hall, walking in the streets, fleeing on the roads, at harvest, in the villages, in the caves and tunnels, in the caravanserais [an inn with a central courtyard], in the prisons, under torture, on the river rafts, on road repair gangs, on the way to be put on trial. There was no specific and technological way of carrying out the murders like the Nazis’ extermination camps. A common feature was those killed were unarmed, tied up, or otherwise defenseless.
All possible methods of killing were used: shooting, stabbing, stoning, crushing, throat cutting, throwing off of roofs, drowning, decapitation. Witnesses talk of seeing collections of ears and noses and of brigands boasting of their collections of female body parts. The perpetrators not only killed but humiliated the victims…In several instances, decapitated heads of well-known Christians, such as Hanne Safar of Midyat and Ibrahim the Syriac priest of Sa’irt were used as footballs…In Derike, the Syriac Catholic priest Ibrahim Qrom had his beard torn off and was then forced to crawl on all fours with a tormentor on his back, while others kicked him, stabbed him, and finally cut him to pieces.
Virtually every deportation caravan and village massacre was accompanied by serial mass rape of the women. Young girls were abducted as sex slaves and children as household servants. Even when they were not killed outright, the women were often stripped of their clothes. The homes of Christians were broken into, plundered, furniture smashed, windows, and doors removed, set on fire. Sometimes a survivor had little to return home to.
The number of perpetrators of the local massacres was staggering. Apparently the local officials….or the local politicians…had no difficulty in motivating the populace for extermination. The officials established death squads from middle-aged Muslim men. National Assembly deputies…agitated among the Kurdish tribes and even managed to get notorious outlaws…to cooperate in return for loot, adventure, and a promise of amnesty. On a few occasions, Muslim women were present, for instance…at the public humiliation of Christian dignitaries, but mostly the perpetrators were males. There were literally thousands of perpetrators, most of them locals.
Most people never learn from history, if they know it at all. Countless times governments, conquerors, and masters have taken away the weapons of a people. What usually followed was slaughter, massacres, and genocide with little resistance. Still the buzzword sleazy calls for “reasonable common sense gun control” rain down from incel politicians, CEOs, and elites with armed bodyguards who are clearly more important the rest of us.
If only they knew how it felt to be disarmed and defenseless. If it were their entire families being subjected to genocide, surely they wouldn’t make the usual excuses for gun control we hear from Elizabeth Warren, Al Franken, and many other progressive US politicians.
“It couldn’t happen here!” Many a people have heard that before.
An attempt to tell this story was finally brought to the big screen this April via a movie called, “The Promise“. Of course detractors rose to 1 star the movie on a massive scale. Upon the initial three screenings, 70k+ reviews – impossible when you consider the limitations of seating – were posted on IMDB. The Turks still are gunning for us even online.
“All I know is that we were in about a 900-seat house with a real ovation at the end, and then you see almost 100,000 people who claim the movie isn’t any good,”
How many more fucking people have to be slaughtered after being disarmed till we take the lesson to heart? I am forced to consider those who support radical gun control measures – regardless of reason or excuse – with the same potential level of threat that the Turks behind the 1915 genocide wrought upon us.
My Armenian ancestors who were disarmed, disposed, and then sent into deserts to die when they weren’t slaughtered enmasse in their villages and on the way to death are yet again forgotten. In fact, their slaughter is still a point of great contention and denial to the Turks and Azerbaijanis who stole our land, subjugated, and conquered us many times over just the last 500 years. (Note, Azerbaijan was even a country until 1918.)
The US is still afraid to press the issue as it won’t risk losing Turkey as a Nato ally. Yet again, our Armenian people catch the bad end of geographic diplomacy, not to mention an actual border war still being fought with Azerbaijan over land that has been ours for a thousand years. Again, we are isolated with no assured backup.
“Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, Turkey’s president, publicly vowed on Sunday to support Azerbaijan “to the end”. Turkey has no diplomatic relations with Armenia, a rift dating back to the mass killings of Armenians by Turks towards the close of the Ottoman period. Erdoğan is also at daggers drawn with Russia over its support for the Syrian regime and Turkey’s shooting down last autumn of a Russian combat plane but he is unlikely to intervene militarily.”
Still, we are resourceful people determined to survive. My great grandfather Tarpinian made his way to the US. He began a family when he saw a picture of my great grandmother in an orphanage where she had been saved from rape and death by the Turks. Upon seeing this picture he sent her letters and eventually a wedding dress. They would be married with few possessions, but love and a determination to survive and live for those had been killed in the genocide.
My great grandmother actually came over illegally. She entered the US via Buffalo, New York from Canada. Four generations later, our family is all over the states and we are assimilated Americans who love our heritage and people, but are loyal to this country which gave us hope, safety, and a reason to live.
I am a 4th generation descendant. Half-Armenian and a mix of other European heritage. If there’s anything I’ve learned from the history of both sides of my family, its that government can not be trusted to necessarily protect us, let alone slaughter us. You never know when your enemy will take the reigns of power.
While the old government may have been neutral, if you have been disarmed of your rights and your weapons, you are at a great risk. Never again. I will repeat it; I am forced to consider those who support radical gun control measures with the same potential level of threat that the 1915 genocide wrought upon us.
Supporters of gun control mean well. History however never does when it comes to the victims. Don’t let yourself even become a potential victim. Learn from our genocide. At the very least, targeted groups in the future will stand a chance of defending themselves and their family. Just look at what insurgents have done in Iraq and Afghanistan have done with Ak-47s.
Every man will experience his own “Benedict Arnold” moment. While it might not take place in a revolutionary war to determine the fate of nation being born, it will still leave a blackened stained touch in your memory.
What motivates betrayal? Often it’s money, greed, jealousy, and the desire to attain power. To do that you have to step on people to move up the ladder of power. Certainly, I was stepped on like a scared housewife stomps on an ugly bug while squeaking out a brief, “Eeek!!!!”
My own betrayal moment caught me off guard. None of the above seemed like the motivator for the betrayal. What could the reason have been? It felt as cold, sharp, and damaging as an Ozark ice storm. Even now, the though of “WTF, why?” keeps running through my mind. Often, I prefer for my dirty laundry to stay in the bin, but in this case I will have to reveal my boxers.
I’m a blabber, a conversationalist, and an open book. Some people love this about me, others loathe it, but few have ever managed to use it against me in a way that cuts deep.
Thing is, I don’t know how much was deliberate and honest-to-god opining on me and how much was cruel intentioned barbs designed to hurt my relationship with my in-laws and my wife. Timing was absolutely horrible as I’m just starting to build a better relationship with my in-laws who weren’t huge on me.
My old boss who I was my absolute unfiltered self around, a man I thought I could trust and actually have “real-talk” with, and someone who I respected – even though he let me go, delivered whatever his own brand of personal vengeance was against me managed to tell the “truth” about me in the worst possible ways.
No grudges did I hold against him when he let me go, in fact I even kept in good contact with him. However, he indeed held grudges against me which I was unaware of until he told my in-laws about them instead of myself.
Normally, this would be a landmine that would be overcome after one detonation, but he will be in a “life” group with my in-laws for the foreseeable future. Essentially, I will have someone who can’t be trusted in an environment where trust is supposed to be of the essence. Circle of trust indeed.
I’m used to detractors that I barely know, online critics, and people whose personalities clash with my own and they can all get bent. Nothing is what I expect from them. This though felt like I had been cheated on – which I haven’t, it was just that I trusted him that much. It hurts.
Imagine someone misrepresents your character as much as possible and, sprinkles in a few lies to really get the pot stirred, and plants all sorts of possibilities in your pregnant wife’s head who already is going through raging pregnancy hormones and trust issues from her past.
In this case, her parents were the recipients of Benedict Arnold and the details were passed to her and then she passed them to me. Chain of information indeed. My wife wasn’t supposed to be told, and neither was I.
Perhaps my old boss thought what he was saying was true, or my in-laws drew some exaggerated conclusions that were then passed to my wife. That would be a comforting thought. Honestly, I thought he would always be honest with any grievances against myself and come talk to me about it.
I actually thought that I was with someone who I didn’t have to filter myself and everything from “locker-room talk” to how men actually talk on the job site when you work in the trades. This is what bugs me so much. That connection I thought I had with someone wasn’t actually there – maybe I forced myself into believing it was, considering I was earnestly looking for a fellow man I could trust in an area where I don’t know anyone.
The Sword Thrusts of Betrayal
Likely it is not the case. Two lies in particular left me shocked. (1) That he paid me 20$ and hour when he paid me 13$. (2) That me and the other guy he had hired were going out after we were dropped off from work to the bar and blowing money. Odd, considering me and this other guy didn’t like each other.
The truth that was manipulated against me in fascinating way too. Apparently one such truth was how I constantly wanted to go out after work with my boss to the bar and grab a drink.
Absolutely, this was true. I wanted to bond with my boss as I believed he was someone I could be my genuine self-around. One of the best ways you can do this is to indeed grab a drink and sit down.
In his defense however, he could never really do this as he was trying to be back at home by 6 to be with his family. I can understand this and perhaps he believes me to be some kind of deviant who would rather be out drinking then helping out his pregnant wife at home – or at least that how it sounded when I was told about it.
Another “truth” was about how I misled him about my skillset, even though I told him what I knew from the start. Now both me and him were hoping I’d absorb some skills faster, but I alas I did not. Still, he felt like I lied to him, so my guess is he is doing the same back to me.
One that really got to me was about how I was lazy. When he first hired me, he was desperate for people just to show up who were trustworthy. He complained about how people would flake constantly – which they did. I arranged for him to pick me up in the mornings – which took a toll on him timewise nonetheless – to go the jobsite with him 40+ miles away.
When I was there, I worked in 90+ degree humidity outside on scaffolding. Now he was generous and bought me and our co-worker lunch everyday as well as provided us with water to keep us hydrated. To be sure he wasn’t a slave driver, and he shouldn’t sound like such.
At several points I did complain about a lack of boards to stand on when we started going four stories up. I brought up the idea of safety-harnesses, but he mentioned that it would just get in the way and make us even less safe.
I have no idea if that’s really true or not, but wow right? Also note that he went up there with us in those precarious positions trying to get work done, so definitely he put himself on the line as well.
Now, I’m not exaggerating how open I was with him. I even talked about me and my wife’s sex lives – a mistake in hindsight – and how it helped us as a couple. This was kindly relayed to her parents that all I cared about is sex and apparently how I’m not to be trusted. In particular, this blew me away.
Wisdom, Resolve, and the Long-Game
A hard lesson to learn from betrayal is that your natural state – open and honest – can be very dangerous to you and your family life. Even after this, I find the idea of talking less, being more deliberate about the company I am genuine with, and concluding that many more snakes exist in the grass then I admit to be a tough pill to swallow.
Recently, I saw him at my in-laws “Life group” meeting they hold at their house. Determined for my wife’s sake, I played nice. It was then that I heard a story involving my old bosses’ wife and some terrible things they had been through.
Wondering whether this had something to do with the backstab held my anger in check. Because of that, I’m taking the long view. Honestly, I still desire vengeance or at least some kind of vindication from this betrayal. You never realize how powerful of a motivator justice can be until you start to strongly desire it.
Given the chance I wonder, would he come clean and apologize to me or pretend it didn’t happen and act as everything was jolly?
What if the chain-of-information provided to me was wrong or someone did indeed exaggerate and elaborate details? Patience is necessary when trying to smoke out what was really said. I shall indeed play the long-game.
Patriarch. Patriarchy. Such delicious terms that always cause a firestorm when you throw them around. Granted they mean as much as the word “fascist” does these days, but they are still great words to make a point with.
I’m not a Patriarch. I don’t think anything even remotely like it is possible in the World anymore – even despite it’s original failings. That said the word brings about some worthy triggering, so I intend to use it as much as possible.
Recently, my life has become like one of those sack races at a school party. My wife is in the sack with me – almost twice a day on average – and often we are trying to hop in different directions when it comes to our plans, ideas, and how we want to spend our time that day. Our marriage is yet young. As we seek to better communicate and understand the stubborn other, a new path in life opens.
As the experts hum repeatedly, much of marriage is all about communication. Usually, you don’t start off to well in that department. The specific verbal and non-verbal manner of that communication is a different skill all in itself – one that is often unpolished.
Through the communication we stumble through now, I’ve learned something important. Your priorities will shift so much in your life – especially with an infant that much of what you did and who you were before marriage wont be the same.
If you want to be that great family patriarch of old, most of your available time in a day must be spent nurturing your family – specifically your wife in the early years and your children. Just as anything substantial in life requires much time and investment, your family is no exception. (Infants are quite the time investment when they won’t fall asleep at night and continue to cry.)
I’m now building my legacy, but that is a time and life investment that will consume my time in life. Less going out with friends to the bar. Less video game binges into the wee hours. Less wasting of time period. My hobbies now tend to include research about the best ways to get my son crawling early and my social activities tend to involve my wife. (Father and son hobbies will come as my son grows older.)
In a way, I’m being forced to be more productive and deliberate as to how I spend my time – an odd side effect of having a family that I had no clue about. It is however a welcome one, in that it forces some discipline upon you, something I’ve struggled to do over my life. Dragged by my heels to be better, so to speak.
Much of my generation is hedonistic in we view ourselves. Usually, it’s all about what makes me happy and satisfied now and anything that get’s in the way is a problem – or in the cases of some RP enthusiasts – supposed Beta behavior. What most players don’t realize is that when you get married, your wife needs your time. It can feel a bit strangling at times with a loss of space being your gut instinct, but new instincts will develop as your marriage goes on.
Essentially, if you want to build that next generation and a culture that will last your excess pleasures, desires, and frivolous hobbies will have to take a back seat. It becomes less about what makes you happy and more about what is necessary for the success of your family. I’m selfish and I’ll admit it, a hard RP to swallow is that what makes me happy isn’t necessarily going to make my wife happy or even my children. (Have another one on the way in that department.) Basically, we mature as men because we must.
Some men might take it as the nail in their coffins of their prior lives, but it simply means that a transition is taking place. What I’m realizing now is that if you want a family, a legacy, love, growing old together, and many of the usual romantic dreams, much of your bachelor self will shed it’s skin permanently. So in order to get your new skin, you have to shed the old.
I no longer have as much time for video games and my usual pleasures of flesh. Instead, I often limit them to an hour a day at most so I can focus on spending time with my wife – who needs my attention and help even more so being that I knocked her up again.
Remember, marriage is a different adventure and the “skills” needed are far different from the arsenal of most players. You will have to stop being a selfish bastard where everything is about you, while maintaining the self-confidence and fervor of an Olympian. Finding that key balance becomes as valuable as gold and a key component into becoming that patriarch.
In a young marriage, your wife is needy – as is mine – specifically when it comes to pregnancy. When you decide to have your first kid, pregnancy adds another element to that neediness. We hear alot about shit-tests but not alot about comfort tests.
I recall a conversation with my wife when she was in tears about how I didn’t comfort her, wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be okay when our son was in the NICU for 3 weeks after he was born. She wanted me to hold her in my arms and not let her go. I was supposed to be strong, but while I thought I was, I didn’t pass that strength on to her.
Logically I thought that she already knew she had my support – and I was coming to be with her everyday in the evening when I got off work. (Remember how powerful and dominant a woman’s emotions are, especially after birth.) However, I didn’t verbally communicate my thoughts on how she was feeling and how everything was going to be fine. I probably wasn’t physically affectionate enough either and obviously we couldn’t bond and come together through sex in the weeks after birth. (You really do have to be on your game and making it an intrinsic part of yourself.)
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Men… we often have to learn how to love – both in how we show and how we do it. Love is what girls so desperately need, just as respect is something men need when it comes to marriage.
Now do you lose who you are? Everything that makes you… you?
Your family becomes you.
I as a man and father, and my wife as a woman and a mother, are now putting our feet on the next step up the stairs of life. It’s all happening very fast as is the excitement about it. About 3 months ago, we moved down to Missouri. I won’t say where, but I do like what I see down here. Housing is cheap – though so are wages.
(Luckily, I’ve got a job in which I can make a good amount of money. It’s a sale job, and I will essentially have to internalize game in a sales oriented manner. )
Arguably, it’s probably one of the most important skills a man can learn that he can apply to many other aspects of life. I never realized its application that many had waxed eloquently about until training for my current job. (Also, a quick pro-tip I’ve learned: He who complains the most gets the most. Furthermore, me and my wife are going to be moving into an apartment, which is will be our first place on our own with each other.
I often want to help men who struggle with women out – as I see who I was in them. At the same time, I’m also realizing that men with families really do need other family men to come together to eat, drink, converse, and to sharpen each other’s lives. The conversation at the table really will differ then it did in our bachelor days. Behold, the next step in life.