THE PAIN!!!! It’s hurts so damn bad.
Severe tooth pain makes you want to perform unsupervised amputations. Crying and screaming while rolling around in your bed now seem more probable. You don’t even care about the same – so much so that you are that close to using that pair of pliers. To hell with all the blood you will need to clean off your baisch floor.
Because of bad habits as a kid, and did I have a lot of bad ones – like rarely taking care of my teeth, let alone brushing them, my mouth is filled with various cavities and now two broken teeth just waiting to act up. I have a few teeth extracted and it looks like more will follow.
Thursday night was bad, but I snuggled up under my blankets, and slept off the pain. Friday night I was not shown such mercy and no amount of Ibuprofen was going to make that pain go away. I was going to need something stronger. More on that in a second.
Cavities and broken teeth don’t make you go, “Oh that’s beautiful!”. Good people recoil in shock and horror at such nastiness. You now know why I never show my teeth when I smile. Seriously, I don’t show my teeth unless I’m drunk and I’m not aware that my pearly yellows are exposed to shocked onlookers.
A previous dentist actually thought I was doing drugs because of the amount of cavities. I can remember her saying, “Cmon, what is it? Meth?” Nope, just rarely brushed teeth that stand to make you a considerable fortune. No, I’m not a meth head, tobacco chewing addict from the Appalachians and I don’t intend to give that impression off smiling with a toothless grin.
Why can’t getting dental work done – that expensive stuff like root canals, crowns, etc have a similar approach you’d find at a hospital. There, even if you can’t pay and have no insurance, they still treat you. Sure you’re medical bills will be insane and your credit will be screwed for life, but that flashy smile will land you a gig showing others their teeth just aren’t white enough.
Like most millennials, I should blame my bigoted ist and ism parents who don’t check their privilege enough – specifically my mom. Well, it’s not her fault. She tried and I just got lazy. Maybe I wasn’t disciplined enough for my bad hygiene, but hindsight is hindsight.
Over the last 3 days the pain I mentioned has been excruciating. I couldn’t even sleep at a point. I now understand why people commit suicide – something I have no intention of doing. The pain can be that terrible.
Currently, I have a cracked tooth as well as an impacted and decaying wisdom tooth that causes terrible pain for the left side of my mouth. I’m rough and tough and wait these things out, but Saturday it was too much. I went to the ER, got a referral for a dentist, and got some Percocets which I’m currently on right now.
Tuesday came around and I got that extraction. Now I’m on hydrocodone to manage the pain of it. The older wizened dentist extracted my wisdom tooth in about 3 minutes after he shot my mouth full of lidocaine or whatever it is.
Honestly with my teeth having been killing me these last few days, I’m still lucky. How’s that?
My mom is staying with us for about two months to help us out with our two sons. Them being 10 and 1/2months apart is the primary reason. I’m lucky I didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night to do a feeding for our 6 week old son Nehemiah with my teeth in such pain I can barely stand.
My sons should never feel this pain. I won’t let them. From a young age I’ll make sure they are brushing thoroughly so they never have a mouth as ramshod with cavities as their old man.
For years I’ve pushed off my dental issues – usually due to a lack of money or dental insurance to pay for it, but I didn’t bother to use mouthwash daily and be brushing constantly to stave off even worse dental wrath.
Don’t be like me kids. Watch those horrific cavity videos and recoil in fear and horror at those google images. IT can happen to you! Except you won’t get pregnant and die. Lessons must be learned.
1. Discipline from a young age forms good habits
2. Don’t relent. Your kids will thank you when their teeth aren’t killing them every night.
– Tales from a cavity survivor in pain.
“Anti-Semite!” – Walter Sobchak after smashing a Nihilist with a bowling ball.
Who is PewDiePie and why should old gisers like yourself desire to waste time to find out? Good question greybeards.
First some context: My younger cousins don’t know who most actors are, but they are familiar with and follow many a YouTuber. They even watched the YouTube awards show. Ask many in generation Z and you’ll notice they spend a lot of time on there – far more than they do watching anything on cable or TV.
Everything from videos on how to change your brakes and WorldStar fight compilations to commentary, reaction videos, and educational material. It’s all there – a STAGGERING amount. YouTube averages a billion views a day on it’s platform.
This includes all those terrible offensive videos ranging from crimethink to “inappropriate pranks”, skeptics gone wild, and “questionable content” that hasn’t been screened by the people used to controlling what your kids want through Apple Jacks cereal commercials on Cartoon Network.
It’s gone from the evolution of dance and cute cat videos to popular game commentators and personalities making “unacceptable” jokes and voicing their views on immigration and demographic subjects. Places like the WSJ, WP, NYT, ect don’t like this because they can’t compete with an uncensored YouTube personality.
It is precisely WHY PewDiePie MATTERS.
PewDiePie is the biggest YouTuber in the world, and he’s made 10s of millions of high pitched noises, childish banter, and LetsPlays. Kids love him. He speaks their language – something which is VERY IMPORTANT, and we will touch on later.
This horrible anti-semite’s channel has evolved to a slightly darker sense of humor, pranking, and poking fun at groups that you can’t criticize normally.
His audience however is still young – elementary/highschool age on average – and keeps growing. For all intensive purposes he was untouchable because of big he is. Perhaps that fact is why he was pegged for demotion with a classic coup de grace of “Anti Semitism“. His audience knows hes not an anti-Semite, but their parents who are the real targets will be worried about the label nonetheless.
Normally, bad jewish jokes told drunkenly at parties might land you some hard stares if told poorly, but that’s it. Pew though is influencing the minds of vulnerable children – who need to be indoctrinated by easily controlled sources of regular media. YouTube is obviously not that.
Now several weeks back, PewDiePie became touchable. He crossed the Rubicon of. Despite being edgy saying nigger a bunch of times in the past, no one cared until he hired two Indian dudes off Fiverr to hold up a “Death to all Jews” sign on video sign to prove people will do ANYTHING for five dollars.
Not only was he right, people were fuming because of it, the irony and humor lost on their Puritan asses. This lot included people with clout.
They struck him down like David did Goliath. Mainstream press outlets sizzled with rage. Disney freaked. Outrage was spewed by critics no one has heard of before. Or at least they thought they did.
YouTube cancelled premium relations with him. Media outlets screamed about his terrible influence on the impressionable young. Nazism was apparently on the rise!
Discerning eyes should notice that his supposed anti-Semitism – which is laughable if you’ve watched PewDiePie – is merely an excuse to go after him with what his detractors think would stick to him best. This wasn’t his first sin against the new polite rules of elite global society. It was the sin however which convinced them Pew’s influence needed to be scaled-back as he couldn’t be controlled.
I’m not mincing words here. Pew has more subscribers than most of the major TV and media networks do on YouTube do combined. The age of his audience is highly desired by the predatory networks and their big bucks advertisers who are desperate to convince these kids they need more nerf guns, Ipads, and junk food bellies to ensure big pharma can sell them weight loss drugs in their obese futures.
This is why they hate PewDiePie. pic.twitter.com/5D6XCQyHiG
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) February 28, 2017
Suffice to say, powerful influential semites everywhere weren’t impressed – specifically the one’s behind the curtain we hear alot of conspiracy theories about. I’m not big on Jew bashing, but some questions should be raised. PewDiePie was forced to apologize in a video, but he came back swinging labeling it a media hit job.
1. Perhaps mainstream outlets view his HUGE alternative platform as a threat, so they were just looking for the right time – in the case of the WSJ.
What’s happened to him recently is an all out assassination in which he rightfully blames the media. Predictably, they haven’t been happy about it or his accusations that they are after because he’s bigger than most of the outlets doing the smears. Right here is one of the first real fights between “Alternative” media and that of the established outlets
2. Was getting too bold in pranks. Many of his detractors were worried about his videos and “jokes” being a gateway to the great white boogeymen shitposters that populate the underwebs. Sweet gullible kids would somehow be lured into supporting “White Supremacy” a.k.a. anything that doesn’t view white people as the devil and cause of all evil via his jokes cushioned by his loveable aloof personality.
3. “Jew jokes” are now far edgier than in the past. Since the election of Trump, nonstop blathering has occurred about the rise of anti-Semitism, while ignoring any of the Islamic refugees in Europe who aren’t fond of the jews. Somehow, they even missed out on Trump’s inner circle of jewish staff, insisting upon ghost of anti-semitic vapors from Trump supporters. More on that later.
PewDiePie Pushes The Overton Window
Despite being abandoned by Disney, and demoted by YouTube, PewDiePie is one of the few who is absolutely self-sustainable with a fan base so massive. His modest lifestyle means those tens of millions he’s made will last his entire laugh. He can say anything he wants, and not worry about financial guerrilla warfare at his doorsteps.
I think he realizes this. Pushing boundaries is what PewDiePie started to do as he grew older toward the last few years. Anyone familiar with chan and online trolling cultures realizes that the “lulz” is what it’s all about – especially for his largely Generation Z fans. Still his stuff wasn’t nearly as aggressive as that of the chans, reddit, or even Breitbart and much of the recent alternative media.
While the Nazi Larpers from TheRightStuff have been dwelling on advancing their goyim memes and alerting us to the dangers of the juden, the rest of the internet hasn’t been too concerned with the Jews.
Sure a few here and there on the chans might be concerned about Jewish world domination, but what’s with the sudden alert to it? Even before Trump, Jewish jokes were a favorite at parties – even by Jews.
Europe has experienced it’s fair share of “death to the jews” from recent peace loving refugees, but here in the states? For Pew, it was the bridge too far – specifically for the big wigs. Why is this a no-go-zone all of a sudden?
I’m not much for Jewish conspiracy theories, but its fact – or likely a hate fact now – that Jewish people are FAR overrepresented in media, banking, etc. So far, I haven’t heard of calls to reduce their number in accordance to percentage of population by the diversity police who keep telling us they aren’t enough black disabled trans lesbians on the boards of Fortune 500 companies.
In fact, it’s been the opposite. Jews are still succeeding greatly and the social justice crybullies haven’t been able to bully them into self-loathing for said success and their group identity. Then again, Jews are still apparently part of the “minority/marginalized/women/everyone else” vs straight white males.
Only way they might be kicked out is if the left is forced to chose between anti-Semitism or islamaphobia. If anything, I think it’s something to emulate – their success and tight group bonds that is. Their media influence is great enough to put even mild critiques in that “Don’t touch zone.”
PewDiePie opened up the flood gates because of his platform reach when he violated that zone. Persian-American youtuber JonTron who isn’t a political activist has become the next Tuber with influence to say things he’s not supposed to.
Note, Jon almost exclusively talks about movies and games he finds interesting. (Lovable teddybear YouTuber Boogie was attacked merely for defending Jon and taking a neutral stance. ) Consider the amount of vitriol he’s receiving for the rare times he says anything political or even controversial in nature. That’s where we are at today.
He decided to go on a stream with Sargon Of Akkad where ironically they talked about how those on the far left have a habit of branding people with opinions they don’t like as Nazis. Subsequently after this, he was branded a Nazi on twitter.
A particular tweet even threatens to kill him for joking about being a Nazi as the events of the past few months have established that it’s okay to attack people who’ve been accused of being Nazis. That pretty much includes everyone who SJW types deem to be systematic oppressors with privilege.
your generous donation of a PLANE TICKET and GARFIELD GLOVES will make it possible for me, paige decobray, to PUNCH jontron in the FACE
— slime pit paige (@witchgoblin) January 28, 2017
His mugging by political reality has been fascinating to watch. At least he is shrugging off charges of “white supremacy”, because clearly Persian Iranians have a place on Stormfront, though they did enjoy his willingness to discuss the topic.
Other YouTubers who aren’t normally political in their channel content have been dipping their toes in sharing rather conversational thoughts. What’s happened if they’ve been targeted by those who are utterly polarized in their worldviews.
If you aren’t sharing the accepted social justice montra while speaking about culture and politics, apparently you are against them. Even the comedy types like Philip DeFranco are now being accused of the ists and isms for his testy and boundary pushing comedy and commentary. Surely the shouts of “Nazi” can’t be far behind.
Final Thought: If everyone is a Nazi, who will really be one? The stakes to burn the heretics on are getting scarcer, as well as the those who shriek in condemnation at the word, “Heresy!”
“Friendship is like standing on wet cement. The longer you stay, the harder it’s to leave, and you can never go without leaving your footprints behind.” – Unknown
Beginning Your Quest
“Stand By Me” is what crosses my shitlord mind when I think about the ultimate meaning of the word “friend”. Hopefully something of similar aspiration and brilliance crosses your mind as you agonize late into the night about your lack of instagram followers, likes, and retweets.
The 1986 classic is a tale of boys who bond while on the adventure of their lives – to find a dead body first. A dead body was the goal of their quest, but the story of their lives is related by how they got there. Their story, retold by our venerable writer, is what we all desire deep down at our frothy cores.
Even more important, it makes their quest worthy of completion, instead of merely just beginning. Think about the movie Sandlot and Scotty’s quest to make friends. Their adventure expands and culminates in getting that baseball back. Scotty didn’t know it yet, but the neighborhood kids became his family and the quest he began with became something grand – and a classic in American cinema.
Every man needs his quest. He might not know it yet, but ever man at his core has a quest in mind for his life. Myth, legend, history, and memorable fiction is filed with the larger-than-life stories of Achilles, Caesar, Genghis, Harry Dresden, and Huck Finn for a reason.
Real friends” make that quest worth undertaking, as well as make the quest into what we never imagined. Experiences and encounters with friends shape the stories to be told to our grandchildren. Chunk was essential to the group in the Goonies just as Huck Finn was impossible without Tom Sawyer.
They also shape what our quests become and give you those “life is worth living” feelings that everyone want of us wants. You may start off in the Shire, but the way to Mordor is packed with many different stops.
Before I go any further, let me shout something at the rest of you, “STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL THINK!” When you don’t shift with the wind and popular opinion and consensus to “fit in”, the friends you will attract will be a of a high caliber and more likely to be TRUE actual friends.
Friends should be thicker than water. Crazy stunts on your bikes, nerding out laughing and gaming on xbox late into the night, and enjoying a pickup game of baseball created a bond that you didn’t easily forget.
I still haven’t forgotten me and my best friend Tim bingewatching anime late into the night while slamming mountain dew. A decade later, we had switched to bud light. Conversations late into the night about plans for the future were the norm. (Think “Second-Hand Lions“)
Yea, I know, “Nerrrddssssss!”
Friendship was a bond between people that extended beyond the normal worries of life. Bonds weren’t necessarily established because you both held up similar signs at a protest, but because you had been through thick and thin together.
You legitimately had not just commonality, but a sense of enjoyment and purpose in the company of someone you considered a friend. Speak friend, and enter. (We all need our Sam, Frodo, and Gandalf in Moria.)
In these dark times, we force the term “friend” to also mean comrade, ally, etc. Obviously, you can be a friend, but not necessarily an ally willing to hopscotch onto those landmines. Well, this used to be the case.
That distinction matters because everyone assumes that you have the same exact views as your friend – or that you should. Become the hivemind. You are identical symbiotic cells according to Facebook feeds.
The current political sphere entails that while you may be a gay Asian lesbian who voted Trump, you are still apparently a Nazi who hates humanity. You are either in the camp getting gassed, or you are the one’s laughing maniacally as you usher the Zyklon B into the shower vents.
Either a deplorable Nazi bastard, or a trans black disabled two-spirit. This thinking has done wonders for those shallow people whose lives depend on political schadenfreude for purpose.
Believe it or not; Trump being the devil or the messiah, the ethics of trannies in the girls bathroom, and whether God exists are great conversations while in a drunken stupor that won’t be uploaded to Facebook. When amongst friends, disagreement/agreement shouldn’t matter.
Agreement and disagreement aren’t what drives your friendship. If they do, you have many like minded acquaintances, but likely no real friends who will stand by you. A rather unsettling thought. So what does a friend look like?
Do you know someone with the history, proximity, life-goals, to some extent common-cause, and shared experiences/ stories that you want to tell your grandchildren? How about that feeling of purpose, fulfillment, and sense of belonging?
Did you think to yourself, “I’d love to grow old with this guy?” Were they always at your back in the thick of life with you? Did they stand by you in times of strife when everyone trashed you? Was there couch always available when you needed it and their ear open when life had you bent over? If so, that’s a real friend – and they don’t make em like they used to.
Go back to the year 1000 and gaze upon a man who was excommunicated. Modern self -loathing Christendom hate aside, the heretic was often avoided by the community and usually dead to his family. At that time, it was essentially a death sentence.
Despite our scorn of those bigoted terrible Christians as we beat on our enlightened snobby chests about how awesome we are ,we’ve actually brought that same mentality back. This time it only dooms you to bad jobs, little opportunity, and scorn from your elite educated betters who’ve studied long and hard for their liberal arts degree.
If you are one of the lucky converts, you’ll be seen as a sinner who needs an extended time of penance in the mines of ally activism to repent for your sins of privilege. You filthy white devil you. Prostrate and repent – but make sure to donate. Forgiveness isn’t cheap.
What the hell happened?
The culture wars in their meme and social media glory have fooled people into a shallow sense of friendship. Sure, you both may like Bernie Sanders, spam his memes on Faceberg, support #BlackLivesMatter, and denounce bigotry in the movies, but will Joe have your back when push comes to shove?
Will they stand by you? Surely he knows you are a good person at heart, just misunderstood in the shouts for your burning at the stake – but will he voice it in fear for his own hide? You better damn hope so Solo.
The casualties of heresy aren’t necessarily just the one’s you see on the front page of Drudge, but on your social feed as they defriend and block all trespassers of wrongthink. Surely they can’t be seen to have such deplorable friends. After all, what would people think?
Peer pressure makes for likes on Facebook, but will any of those people drive out of their way to pick you up in the middle of nowhere? Will your “friend” have time for you when you actually need it? True friends are indeed rare.
Will he denounce you to the other virtue signal despondent deviants desperate for Faecbook likes and acceptance because you didn’t support #BlackLivesMatter loud enough, check your privilege, or didn’t prostrate yourself low enough for that offensive joke?
Stand By Me
Rest assured that if I call you a friend, I’ll always have your back when the storms rage. It’s exactly why I’ll never denounce men like Forney, Roosh, Aurini, Quintus, etc no matter how many people recoil in horror because they deem their perspectives deplorable. Guilt by association is nonsense and anyone who appeals to it should be disregarded.
Even more so for the close friends I’ve known for the better part of my life. When told that it makes me look like I share their reprehensible heresies, my response is simple and emphatic:“I don’t care.”
Be honest with yourself; the shrieking wolves of Twitter will always assume that friendship equates to a cult like hive mind of absolute agreement. Their goal is isolation of their targets. When they’ve finished, they will still come for you next.
Consider closely who you want to be in this short life. You are never guaranteed tomorrow. Sure, plan for the future, but exactly what future? In fact what would your friends and family say around your gravestone? Deep down, we want a future filled with people, family, and FRIENDS, which make it worth living.
Even if I don’t agree with someone or their supposed racist, sexist, misogynist bigoted uttering – of which I am accused of frequently – they are still my friend no matter what they have or will say.
That’s what true friends do. Your friendship transcends the frequent winds of “change” on the “right side of history.” The right damn side of history is by their side, and they by you.
History won’t fondly remember the con artists who appeal to the moral authority of the majority to scold those who aren’t on the “right side of history” – if it remembers them at all. Face it, history won’t remember virtually any of us, but good friends make our short lives worth getting up in the morning to go to that job we hate to feed our families.
My best friend may be very liberal, but he’s welcome in my home at any point, and I in his. The trust we’ve built over the last 20 years can’t be shaken. Our kids will play together, and our wives worthy of defending regardless the reason.
A word of warning to those who think long-term friends can be replaced: Those who throw their friends away – especially over politics – will be treated with contempt by their newfound like-minded revolutionary comrades, because none of us at heart will ever be truly radical enough.
“Betrayal” no matter how you want to dress it up is not invisible to new bedfellows. Trust will never be built, and thus loyalty will never follow, as they assume you will do the same to them at some point. So goes the common cause.
No matter how much faithful zeal you may have for social justice you will tire, even just slightly of being beaten for your privilege while living paycheck to paycheck – cis straight white males in particular. It is then you will be chastised and exorcised for your lack of allyship.
Meanwhile your best hope is that the friends and family you shunned know well the parable of the prodigal son. You will know them to be true friends and family when they welcome you back with open arms and no demands to get on your knees and beg for sweet forgiveness.
That is what marks a true friend. Value them above all else.
Recently I stumbled across an older article entitled “Are Men Still Hunting?”. The author while an SJW feminist laments that men aren’t the aggressors anymore when it comes to approaching women. (She follows up here.) I saw some comments and added a cordial one of my own.
What stood out were comments strewn about how women were reaping what they’ve sown because of feminism and great pleasure was expressed about it. Okay that’s true as well as bits about how approaching can be easily construed as sexual harassment these days.
An overall glance of said comments prompted a realization; many of us are too busy reveling in womens laments and pain to care about doing anything to help. All we have is schadenfreude – and it appears to be a serious addiction. That’s only a few steps away from being a miser who loves miserly company.
Not surprisingly, it was the MGTOWS who here enjoying her lamentations the most. While one phase of the Red Pill is a justifiable anger and bitterness phase, I’m starting to notice a slew of men who don’t come out of it. Ever.
Instead of any meaningful self improvement and actually finding a girl they enjoy, their primary driving factor for happiness is the misery of women – feminists in particular. They are addicted to schadenfreude. This wasn’t quite the Red Pill you thought you swallowed.
Take for example a post I dug up off the MGTOW boards in which “MikeTOW” admits he enjoys when women are haunted by their bad decisions:
“Maybe this makes me a sicko, but I get pleasure when women put themselves into predicaments.
My favorite is when a woman turns down every good man who pursues her only to throw herself at the man who is blatantly a scumbag. Then when the scumbag man mistreats her, she whines and cries about how “there are no good men out there” and “all men are jerks”. Instead of learning from her mistake, she blames men and then REPEATS THE CYCLE!
Back in my mangina days I would try to console those women and reassure these women that there are certainly good men out there. These days I don’t care. And in fact, I find it amusing.”
Okay, yea I get it. I loathe tumblr feminism as well and do my fair share of blasting self-entitled harpies on RVF boards. And yes, I do admit sometimes getting satisfaction seeing the worst offenders reap all of the venom they’ve sown – especially male feminist white knights. The anger? I understand feeling it the lies we were told as well as the women who rejected us for Chads and now are facing the consequences.
However, don’t you ever feel a sense of sadness for them? While they’ve bought into and advocate for an ideology which will make them miserable – and those around them, I often desire to apply actual burn ointment to their 1st degree roasted souls.
Obviously, the differeing worldviews make most online dialogue with them pointless, fruitless, and not worthy of your time. In spite of this when you come across posts like hers, try avoiding another, “haha bitch” type comment that burns as well as points out what feminism has wrought.
Instead maybe just try a semi-neutral heart felt internet hug. Will another comment debunking feminism change their mind and undo years of influence under a feminist worldview? No.
Here’s a question I would put plainly to them without snark: “What do you really want?” You’ll find most women do want to fall in love. Romance. Be swept off their feed by a studly chad. The truth hurts, but it can be presented with chocolates rather then a spear to the stomach. Honey for the flies instead of vinegar.
I find that when I’ve talked to feminists face-to-face, as well as women in general that are very discouraged with their dating prospect, an honest genuine heaping of advice can get past the normal “blockers” and at least onto the plate as food for thought. When a critique is done with kindness, the openness can be shocking. (Plus it helps that they know you have no romantic interest in them – in my case being married and all.)
The Effects of Misery
When women are miserable in particular, it deeply affects them and those around them. Perhaps they deserve it – especially the slut walkers – but do we look past what they deserve for a moment?
Being constantly in a state of war is exhausting – especially when the enemy is a never ending source of social media and blog posts that are filled with venom. Some rad fems may deserve to be burned by the fire they spew, but is mercy ever an option? I’d like to believe so. That Nietzsche quote about gazing into the monster seems to apply here.
Perhaps I’m mellowing a bit, but at a certain point I’d like to see relations between men and women improve wihout some sort of Mad Max like collapse of society – even if those in question aren’t worthy. The author in question might have better luck at a Friday Night Magic tournament where she is surrounded by lots of men and almost no women – so why not point it out?
We know many women who wish they were approached by men they would find attractive. For many it won’t happen. However, we can at least make suggestions to help them make the best of their chances and interactions without malice dripping from our fangs. (Especially if we know them.)
Who knows, maybe finding a guy they fall in love with might bring them out of their stupor. It has for many a woman. Maybe she and they can be one of them – certainly a good thing for culture and society.
“But Muh Constitution!!!”
For the last two decades, we saw an increase in executive orders that covered everything from immigration policy to what amounts to military interventions in places like Libya without congressional approval. Hundreds of drone strikes later on Pakistani elementary schools, the screaming shrieks over Trump’s slew of orders are laughable because we know the critics don’t hold themselves to said constitution and all of it’s problematic founders.
On a side note, what have all the previous presidents been doing? Trump in his ripe old age is on the rhoids of presidential power with the speed he’s gone about attempting to fulfill his promises during the campaign. Anyway, back to the subject at hand.
What media and higher academia taught us just this last decade – specifically in this election cycle – is that stomping on the constitution, shredding it, and then burning it while pissing on the ashes is not only acceptable, but a necessity. Praise be to those admirable activists purging us of our intersectional systematic sins of “ist”, “ism”, and “phobia” by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
Do as I say, not as I do and that “doing” will take place regardless of any constitutional protections, restrictions, and rights. So why the absolute hypocrisy from our modern day leftist saintly paragons of righteousness?
Examine the logic at the core from our intolerant friends who justify their intolerance because the ends justify the means. This is beautifully displayed in all of it’s logic by Mr. Tucker Fitzgerald in a Medium defending “Intolerant Liberals” in their lack of academic diversity and embracing of double standards.
“The progressive liberal agenda isn’t about being nice. It’s about confronting evil, violence, trauma, and death. It’s about acknowledging the ways systemic power, systemic oppression, systemic evil, work in our world around us. I’m not fighting for diversity. I’m not fighting for tolerance. I’m fighting to overturn horrific systems of dehumanizing oppression.”
So I and many other sinful shitlord deviants who haven’t checked our privilege enough have taken our crimes to heart. This logic goes down to the very core. Double Standards for behavior, action, and everything else under the sun is okay because some animals – radical leftists apparently – have more rights then others.
“When liberals storm the cities’ streets to protest, rally, and yes, riot, in response to a Trump election, conservatives cry foul. They cry double-standard. Liberals expect conservatives to accept election results they don’t like; why won’t the liberals accept election results that didn’t go in their favor? Why won’t the liberals be relativists, like we want them to be, and treat all outcomes as equally valid?
Because all political decisions aren’t equally right. Aren’t equally moral. Aren’t equally recognizing of human dignity and justice and freedom. Because liberals recognize that there are wrong and right decisions, because they parse good and evil, contrary to what my church taught me about them.
Because democracy isn’t the only value we hold. We don’t accept the 51% enslaving the 49% by popular vote. We believe in human rights. We believe in the Bill of Rights. Because we balance the will of the people with the sanctity of each individual life. And no, your right to not sell flowers doesn’t outweigh someone else’s right to get married. Because not all rights are equal.”
Has the bitter realization of today’s actual political climate taken hold yet? Not only are people like Fitzgerald not playing by the rules, but they expect you to hold those rules as sacred as Muslims do the Koran.
Double standards? They are above pesky standards and rules, but you aren’t and they will scream on the highest peaks about your immoral actions, words, and oppressive executive orders feigning belief in the red, white, and blue while burning during their street riots.
We now know how the game is played. There are no rules now. Common sense is Dead, and I’m not just referring to Thomas Paine. Embracing executive orders as just another means to fight back and level the playing field is now part of our playbook. The left has forced us to forget about a moral high ground they don’t even bother to hold. You are now a target.
Once you’ve seen the face of the devil, you have no choice but to utilize his own tactics to make politics equal again. Meanwhile, we won’t care about the unconstitutional measures used by Trump to Make America Great Again because we know Fitzgerald didn’t during the eight years of “Hope And Change”. Now we are going to give you a revenge taste of Judicial activism.
Berkley’s recent peaceful riot should have awakened our bitter visualizations of the future of “debate” via the flagpole of masked AntiFa and BlacBloc protests of “white supremacy”. If we don’t fight back, we will face an enemy that won’t be afraid of legal repercussions. Sally Zelikovsky at The American Thinker makes this point in a very sobering article,”The Blood Libels Of The Left”
“Here is the cold hard truth: with each riot and outrageous accusation, the left is emboldened. It doesn’t matter that their message is chaotic, their delivery cacophonous. It is irrelevant that WE think they look ridiculous. What matters to them is that they can manipulate the political scene today to achieve long-term goals ASAP. This is the culmination of decades of liberal efforts behind the scenes.
They are simply leveraging the online infrastructure they have constructed, the vast networks they have built among the schools, the culture, the media, ex-Presidents, and current politicians, and the unity they have cultivated. They have just been waiting for the right moment to pounce.
The election of a guy like Trump at a time when the fate of the Supreme Court hangs in the balance, when all political power in the states and federal government has shifted right, has provided them with that Arab Spring, Cuban Revolution, Bolshevik moment that gives them a collective thrill up their legs. “
Not only do we need to be prepared to defend our deplorable selves and our children, but we need to fight those wielding fire with fire and not care how our means are accomplished. Rest assured, neither do they – and that includes the very Berkeley staff as to what Academia thinks about “diversity” of thought. Don’t forget about the man in Seattle at the Milo riot there because the shooter thought the victim was a “white supremacist” . It can and has now gone that far. Yet again, “peaceful protestors“.
Even the blackest disabled man can be beaten by them if he holds ingrained said white supremacy in his heart – however the hell that works in concern to nonexistent diversity of opinion. All “minorities and marginalized groups” must think alike, or be treated – and beaten – like us fellow deplorables as anyone can become a Nazi these days. In fact, if you’ve ever been physically beaten at a college campus, thank a professor.
When you hear the faux moral pleadings, laugh in amusement while pointing out they never cared about morals in their quest to force immoral measures upon the rest of us…. all in the name of modern morality; equality, diversity, unity, etc. If they’ve endorsed punching “Nazis” as a moral thing to do, then I have no problem with them being punched in the face for any reason regardless of moral implications. I’m at that point.
As they became demons through their methods, they created demons in the rest of us. When the Moors poured into France, Charles Martel took up the sword at Tours to defend Christendom from the Islamic crusaders.
Against groups like AntiFa, the time to turn the other cheek is past as is to be a part in a new Foxe’s Book Of Martyrs. Summon your inner Charles Martel. Stand like Jean de la Valette on Malta and turn back the Turks. Pick up your sword and repel the enemies at our gates.
The next time I hear about minorities being oppressed, I’ll point out that not only am I a minority, but that they never cared about the oppression of the rest of us. Remember everyone on your Facebook feed that applauded punching “Nazis” when they say that Antifa don’t represent their protests because we are all “Nazis” now.
Bedtime Stories Unearthed From History For Adults
I’ve been unsure of just how to write this review of Quintus. He is a friend of mine and I hope I can relay accurately just how incredible his work is. I want people to be able to realize the grasp of what he’s been doing and it’s significance to us men today and our children in the future.
Inspiration for the subtitle of this post comes from me reading through his site and chapters from his book right before bed, enjoying a new piece of history that was previously unknown to me – similar to the late great Paul Harvey’s “The Rest Of The Story”. Enter his treasure trove of untold stories and you will know my comparison is not exaggerated.
“In times like these it helps to recall there have always been times like these.” – Paul Harvey
Chatting with him over the phone, through emails, and in conversations of various kind, I’ve realized that Quintus is exactly who he says he is. His lessons from both personal experience and from history are coming from someone sees past much of the political and culture war aspect that dominate much of the manosphere and anglospheres. He really is our very own Paul Harvey.
It’s with that comparison you realize just how much of a breath of fresh air Quintus is, especially in recent days when everyone on both sides is screaming about Trump, feminism, immigration, and white nationalism.
As NeoReaction (NRx) is the thinktank and shares overlap of many in our spheres, Quintus is our philosopher for those who don’t wish to learn the language of the NRx crowd of infiltration, as well someone who provides a different but important set of foundations and principles. His work seeks out an audience consisting of those who search for substance instead of viral entertaining prose about fleeting events.
True actual Renaissance men – are rare to encounter these days, let alone one’s who are public, articulate – yet readable by the us laymen, and can write with both a fiery passion and a fine tuned nose for taking the stories of history and presenting in a simple manner as to why they matter to us today.
Meet Quintus Curtius, the manosphere’s own historian, translator, philosopher, and writer – though he would describe himself as a “humanist”. Further credentials for you of an academic mind include being a former marine, current world traveler, publishing four books – including a phenomenal and readable translation of the two thousand year old classic”On Duties” by Cicero, and having taught himself Latin, Arabic, and Portuguese. Channing Tatum may have the looks, but Quintus has the brains that so many of the most esteemed scholars of today wish they possessed.
Quintus has his own site via Fortress Of The Mind, but he has been writing for Return Of Kings for 3 years with a weekly Monday column without fail – to give you an idea of his dedication, consistency and perseverance. Now when we think of that “most vile” website Return Of Kings, we think first about it’s viral articles.
Whether it was Tuthmosis talking about signs you know shes a slut or Forney’s 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date girls with tattoos or piercings, ROK’s truest and most important gems often go unnoticed.
That gem has been most of the articles Quintus writes for ROK and his own site. Fortune is finally and justly smiling on Quintus in recent days with a curious attack on his work was launched by Mark Zuckerberg’s very own sister. Of course, this is boosting his recognition and scope of his audience.
Oddly, but deliberately timed are her efforts. Quintus has a mission – and a very personal and heavy time investment – of equipping men with knowledge, wisdom, and purpose primarily through the classics, history, and biography. Notice the archive he is assembling at his site, the books he has written and the common themes throughout them and that its readable even by the layman.
On his site in the “About” section, you’ll notice that he says his goals are to educate, inspire, and to entertain and the different method he goes about achieving this. Of course we all know feminists are harpies, but more articles about slutty Western women aren’t going to help men become their best and reverse our cultural decline. Understanding this Quintus points out his educational mission:
Educate. My books deal heavily with themes from history, philosophy, and biography. I use these subjects as the trunk of the tree on which I can graft my own ideas and interpretations of these subjects. I do not belong to any political affiliation; rather, I see myself as a “humanist” in the Renaissance sense of this term. Several chapters of my books “Thirty Seven” and “Pantheon” deal specifically with this subject (i.e., the education of the young).The current educational curriculum in the United States (as well as in much of the West) has seriously neglected classical learning and humanistic knowledge for some time. This has resulted in the degradation of the training of character, morals, and masculine virtue. Women have also suffered from this neglect of the cultivation of virtue. A good portion of my readers are women, believe it or not. My goal is to bring this neglected or forgotten knowledge to a new audience who may have never had any exposure to it before. I have done this through my translations, books, and blog articles.
Quintus is serious in this endeavor. If you take the time, you’ll notice articles on everything ranging from proper speech delivery to ways to overcome failure to learn a new language. Don’t forget knowledge about men’s health and the necessity of variety in one’s fitness routines is covered. Can you see the classical influence yet? Even in his travels he brings back lessons to be shared.
Most of the people we know have neither time nor reason to further their own self-education. Netflix is too easy, gaming is too pleasant of a distraction, criticizing feminism and SJWs easy slap-on-the-back choir noise, and the 24/7 news cycle an addictive dopamine to convince ourselves we KNOW what’s actually going on. So why bother?
To this extent, Quintus provides inspiration to delve deeper. Stumbling upon a writers best work is how you get hooked, and I’m glad I did. While some of the more elite writers might scoff, awakening the desire to learn once again is how a cultural renaissance begins. Quintus demonstrates why inspiration is so important:
Inspire. Good writing inspires readers. Reading about great figures in history, literature, art, science, medicine, and any other field of endeavor can inspire readers to their own achievements. I have the ability to take incidents from history and to write about them in a way that focuses their relevance to contemporary affairs. I also have written extensively about my own personal experiences and views of life. Taken together, these subjects let readers know that they are not alone, and that others have shared their struggles and emerged triumphant.
Do you gentleman want to awaken some of that inspiration ? I’d highly recommend the survival story of anarartic explorer Douglas Mawson in which Quintus demonstrates the importance of why his survival story MATTERS and what we can take away from it.
Mawson would survive through shear willpower alone one of the most harrowing and vicious conditions I’ve read about. Here’s a quick summary: 310 miles from his main base in Antarctica him and his companion lost their sled-dog team and all of their food and resources which fell off an ice ledge. He would drag his companion through the bitter freezing subzero conditions with winds that regularly reached 200 mph toward.
His companion would die from the conditions, but Mawson would refuse to give up even with his flesh falling off his bones . Continuing toward a hut filled with supplies that was over a hundred miles away, he would LITERALLY will himself to survive, crawling and stumbling the last 26 miles to it. Let Quintus relay the eloquence of this incredible feat in his own words:
“As he approached Commonwealth Bay, Mawson made out a black speck in the distance. He approached it, walking, stumbling, and crawling, and he could eventually see that it was the hut. One of the remaining search party, a man named Frank Bickerton, chanced to see Mawson lurching about in the distance in the snow. He and several other men ran out to make contact with the desperate figure. They did not know who he was at first. The skin was falling off what remained of his flesh, most of his hair had fallen out, his hands and feet were barely functional, he was covered in frostbite and frozen sores, and he could hardly speak. Mawson collapsed in their arms, and his ordeal was over.”
It was this story – which he tells in vivid detail in his book Pantheon, which I’ve read and poured through multiple times. That leads us to another point actually – all of Quintus books should have notes taken on them during readings . Each time you come back to a particular essay, you can come away with new insight because his material is designed to be re-read and studied.
His approach to history is wide ranging, full of such depth, and dare I say; inclusive – and I don’t mean in the current sense of the buzzword. Many of his lessons from history include the best of the Arab classists, poets, and historians ranging from Ibn Khallikan to Ibn Khaldun. Quintus even delves into the work of Lu Hsun, Machiavelli, and Libanius.
This wide range also includes the importance of Brazilian explorers and photographers such as Candido Rondon and Sebastião Salgado as he find nuggets to share via Brazilian history. Again, one that stands out in particular concerning Brazil is their “Rubber Soldiers” and how through their efforts in the Amazon, the US was able to have access to rubber during World War Two. In my greatness, I’d never heard of them before. But that’s not all.
Quintus realizes that an entertaining writer is one who can bring men out of their slumber. Sometimes all we need is that small push to drive us toward finding a fire within ourselves. Laziness is often far more difficult to overcome, but that bit of entertainment in one’s self education can be the spark. Quintus points this out as the 3rd significant part of his mission:
Entertain. Everyone likes a good, engaging story. One cannot convey a message unless he is able to maintain the attention of the reader. I have designed my books in such a way that they can be opened at any place, and read with profit and entertainment at that place.My personal observation is that the youth (and adults) of today have lost touch with the values, mores, traditions, and glories of the past. It is my purpose to hunt down these forgotten treasures, dust them off, and bring them to a new generation of readers in a way that is unique, engaging, and entertaining. That is my purpose.
Did you know Michael Collins is more than just whiskey? How about the strange adventures of Antonio Marques da Sylva? The story behind the character assassination of baseball legend Ty Cobb? The dark death rituals behind the history of the Sardonic Laugh”? Ancient treatment for the Common Cold? The worst pistol of World War Two? That Slobodan Milosevic wasn’t a war criminal? I can’t help but remember Paul Harvey.
Quintus Curtius’ thorough examination of these men isn’t because of any faux appeal to “diversity” and political correctness, but because of the merit of their work. That is exceedingly rare these days when it comes to trying to find extraordinary and worthy snippets from world writers past and present that isn’t being pushed for some kind of social justice-esque motive.
Do you really desire more than just mere “self-improvement”, but an understanding of history, philosophy, and culture that will teach life lessons? Quintus is then VERY worthy of your time – much more so than many of the writers out there that dabble in justifiable outrage porn – that we all enjoy.
What he seeks to give us is the wisdom that so many men have only managed to acquire late in their life – and if you look at the stories he unearths from the past, you may indeed come to know not just the rest of the story like Paul Harvey, but why you should take inspiration and motivation from it. Take hold of the future for it lies before you. Don’t let your youth be wasted on the young. Invest your time in Quintus’s work and begin your quest.
Those dreaded useless words I hear uttered frequently by everyone ranging from my 14 year old cousin to my pot-head friends of yesteryear to my lovely lass wife. Yes, she doesn’t want to watch Netflix or some other movie for yet ANOTHER night, but finances are tight as I’m the only one working for the man right now.
We aren’t just bored. We go to bed expecting tomorrow to be exhausing, unfuffiling, and frustrating knowing nothing worthwhile will be accomplished. Stuck in a trance-like state, we’re going through the motions, even when lazy and lounging around. Yes, we are tired from caring for an infant, and my pregnant again wife is always exhausted, but still it’s not supposed to be like this.
An endurance in the fulfillment and contentment in what we’ve accomplished as a family – in a short time. Our phones and Netflix are just a distraction in our attempt to relax and ignore reality for the moment because it’s too painful. Idle hands really are the devils workshop. Of course there is some context.
I’m an asshole to myself and in my leadership role. Hunkering down each night in the living room to watch da Netflix and waste time informing myself via the news, twitter, and the blogosphere isn’t because I desperately desire it, but rather because money is tight and our infant son needs to be in his crib. It’s a convenient and even truthful excuse
Even with it being a valid excuse, I KNOW I need to get us off TV at night time and toward something productive so we aren’t “bored”. Between getting fat and gaining 20 damn pounds over these two pregnancies and working a sedentary call center gig, I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. Exercise, I need you.
Yes, I should be taking us on fun adventures with plenty of walking that you see in da movies, but can we really take a 9 month old infant out on a stroll at 10 PM in 20 degree weather regardless of how well bundled up he is?
Take into account the meth addicts that seem to be prowling the streets and parks and the possible excitement we might encounter goes against our parental instincts. When you become parents, you have to be far more responsible then you actually may want to be in your struggle against . The delayed maturity that men in particular deal with hits hard and fast – or at least it should when you become a father.
We remain hunkered inside our bunker, trying to get our minds off life watching movies, still bored, and my wife still stressed though her pregnancy. (A recipe ripe for producing arguments between couples.)
Ideally, I’d love to go out, grab some food, feel cool, splurge the cash, and not worry about spending money for once. Showing off our 9 month old son to everyone at that establishment makes us feel like we’ve done – or rather made someone worthy of plenty of gazing.
True story, as every time we take him out, women drool and gush over how cute he is. Yes, he is very cute.
However, when we go out, is it a useful investment of our time? Who are we hanging out with? Will sharing time with them build us up?
Going out makes us feel like we are taking a break from our mundane lives living in a place we shouldn’t even be. It’s why us millennial blow so much damn money on food when we should be saving it for that house that won’t be coming from a job that won’t we be getting because of our useless degrees. Forgetting about life for that moment really is key.
For my pregnant wife, it takes some of the stress off. Otherwise, it’s back to our dinky apartment where I will get yelled at for something all stemming back from boredom. First we loved this apartment, as it was a place of our own.
Now it just reminds us of bad decisions, filthy and thieving neighbors, and all the food places around us which we shouldn’t spend money because we need to be responsible for once and save some of it.
Are They Really Down On Their Luck?
Hell, at least when we do blow dat money, it’s not on meth like much of the surrounding “homeless” population seems to do. In fact, these “homeless” folks often walk a mile down the road to their truck, throw that cardboard sign “Homeless and Hungry” into the back and drive on off.
I’m sure their plight is as bad as they want us to believe, but you’d think they’d make it obvious by dressing worse instead of like they just went shopping at the mall. Panhandling is the way of the future.
Just the other day I was approached by some guy who asked me if I had change for the bus. Immediately I was annoyed, irritated, and actually tired. Where I’m from in Illinois, people beg for “change for the bus” all the damn time only to spend it on booze, cigs, drugs, or other fleeting pleasures.
Frankly, it pisses me off because unless I personally know them or someone I respect vouches for them, I can assume they are trying to shake me down like I’m some kind of hipster white costal elite type who is plagued by guilt and a trust fund who needs his good deed for the day.
Telling this guy I knew what he was up to, he still held frame. So I decided to give him a 1$. He then went straight into Walgreens to buy his bus ticket I’m sure. Add getting that buck out of me to his wall of accomplishments. What a waste of time.
Currently where I live, there is a horrible meth problem – one of the worst in the nation – as well as “homeless” people everywhere. Sorting through the actual victims vs the pretenders makes me a jaded man. I promise I’m going somewhere with this post.
Looking In A Cracked Mirror
However, it’s made do some soul searching. Me and my wife have gotten food from the local church pantry here. Did someone else need it more? Yes we have 100$ left in our bank account, but we did do frivolous spending prior.
Taking her out multiple times for dinner, buying her a maternity coat for the winter that actually fits, and getting us numerous other things at Walmart that while we could utilize, we didn’t absolutely need has got me thinking.
If I’m honest, I need to wonder if we are abusing the local safety nets – even slightly. Yes, it’s just me working and I can barely pay all the bills sometimes. Hell, we were down to 2$ in our bank account for about three days to get us through to pay day.
On the other hand, baby food is expensive, as is formula, clothes, etc. Wages aren’t great and the cost of living still isn’t low enough to really save any money on one income with one infant and another on the way. Is this all included in the thought process when charitable places don’t have a problem giving us food, aid, and help?
I’ve seen people with a far worse plight then my own; families literally on the street outside my apartment complex. I have a smart phone, wifi at my apartment, and we only have to pay the electric bill when it comes to utilities. Sometimes I’ll even have around 150$ something left over after bills to get us through to the next check. Our two door car is in good shape, and while small, it get’s us where we need to go with no car payment. Yes, it could be much worse.
The admirable American dream is still currently out of reach for me. My wife is planning on getting a nursing gig here and seeing if they will pay for part of med school, but nothing is assured.
Our families have been very helpful. My parents have bought us diapers, formula, and even shipped some non perishables to our house. Our relatives have all given us some money. My wife’s grandmother who loves us dearly has sent plenty of cash our way when times have been dire.
Essentially, we are blessed. We just keep forgetting because there is plenty of time on our hands stuck inside our apartment to ponder on what hasn’t gone our way yet.
So shouldn’t I render the same to the discarded rubbish on the street nearby? I want to, but I’m not entirely sure who really needs help and who is just pretending. Then again, that thought goes through my head – are we pretenders as well?
We aren’t standing out with signs, but we have gotten help. Did people think we were worse off then we were? Surely, I hope we have not misled anyone.
Crawling Toward The Endzone
Even with self-reflection, it’s hard to be content and grateful for what we have because we aren’t anywhere close to reaching our goals and living our dreams. Then again, even if we do, what then? Will we have a similar trance state of life, just with less worry, wondering what then shall we do?
“Ease and relaxation are wonderful. But they are not goals. They are temporary, transitory conditions of the spirit.” – Quintus C
My wife isn’t thinking about how lucky we are to have a car – she’s thinking about how she’s pregnant again, unable to go to school and/or work, how finances are tight, and how much we miss our friends and family. This in spite of how much we’ve actually accomplished this far together. Why the sense of not just failed dreams, but of a lack of fulfillment in the one’s we have lived?
We need a mindset shift. In a post about the struggles of life, Quintus Curtius talks about the “Endzone” and about how we create goals for ourselves and yet still feel unaccomplished.
“We must never allow ourselves to feel broken, defeated, debilitated, or beaten by life. I will not allow this. I will not permit this disease of defeatism in my life. Will not. Ever.”
Boredom and that trance like state spiral toward feelings of despair and failure before driving us toward any other kind of reality – Netflix for example – to take our minds off it instead of actually fixing it. Eventually, it seeps through our diversion shields and breaks them.
When we falter toward the above, boredom and distraction from it lead to that feeling of being beaten up by life lying down and reaching in vain for that fresh green endzone.
I’m not even in the endzone – I’m struggling within 80 yards of it, on my hands and knees dragging my burdens along. But life is just that – a constant struggle to the day we die trying to arrive. This is no cause for despondency and acceptance of vanity however.
Through the struggles in life is where we make and leave our mark. Our character is refined in the furnaces of life and reputations are forged. Obstacles are overcome and foundations set. Stories are born and tales of your golden days are told to your grandchildren gathered around you.
You just can’t see it yet.
“But this does not mean that life is an endless sequence of gloom and doom, of conflict on top of conflict, signifying nothing. No, far from it. It only means that life is for the living. Life is for the stout of heart. For the coeurs de leon.” – Quintus Curtius
My Own Benedict Arnold Moment
Every man will experience his own “Benedict Arnold” moment. While it might not take place in a revolutionary war to determine the fate of nation being born, it will still leave a blackened stained touch in your memory.
What motivates betrayal? Often it’s money, greed, jealousy, and the desire to attain power. To do that you have to step on people to move up the ladder of power. Certainly, I was stepped on like a scared housewife stomps on an ugly bug while squeaking out a brief, “Eeek!!!!”
My own betrayal moment caught me off guard. None of the above seemed like the motivator for the betrayal. What could the reason have been? It felt as cold, sharp, and damaging as an Ozark ice storm. Even now, the though of “WTF, why?” keeps running through my mind. Often, I prefer for my dirty laundry to stay in the bin, but in this case I will have to reveal my boxers.
I’m a blabber, a conversationalist, and an open book. Some people love this about me, others loathe it, but few have ever managed to use it against me in a way that cuts deep.
Thing is, I don’t know how much was deliberate and honest-to-god opining on me and how much was cruel intentioned barbs designed to hurt my relationship with my in-laws and my wife. Timing was absolutely horrible as I’m just starting to build a better relationship with my in-laws who weren’t huge on me.
My old boss who I was my absolute unfiltered self around, a man I thought I could trust and actually have “real-talk” with, and someone who I respected – even though he let me go, delivered whatever his own brand of personal vengeance was against me managed to tell the “truth” about me in the worst possible ways.
No grudges did I hold against him when he let me go, in fact I even kept in good contact with him. However, he indeed held grudges against me which I was unaware of until he told my in-laws about them instead of myself.
Normally, this would be a landmine that would be overcome after one detonation, but he will be in a “life” group with my in-laws for the foreseeable future. Essentially, I will have someone who can’t be trusted in an environment where trust is supposed to be of the essence. Circle of trust indeed.
I’m used to detractors that I barely know, online critics, and people whose personalities clash with my own and they can all get bent. Nothing is what I expect from them. This though felt like I had been cheated on – which I haven’t, it was just that I trusted him that much. It hurts.
Imagine someone misrepresents your character as much as possible and, sprinkles in a few lies to really get the pot stirred, and plants all sorts of possibilities in your pregnant wife’s head who already is going through raging pregnancy hormones and trust issues from her past.
In this case, her parents were the recipients of Benedict Arnold and the details were passed to her and then she passed them to me. Chain of information indeed. My wife wasn’t supposed to be told, and neither was I.
Perhaps my old boss thought what he was saying was true, or my in-laws drew some exaggerated conclusions that were then passed to my wife. That would be a comforting thought. Honestly, I thought he would always be honest with any grievances against myself and come talk to me about it.
I actually thought that I was with someone who I didn’t have to filter myself and everything from “locker-room talk” to how men actually talk on the job site when you work in the trades. This is what bugs me so much. That connection I thought I had with someone wasn’t actually there – maybe I forced myself into believing it was, considering I was earnestly looking for a fellow man I could trust in an area where I don’t know anyone.
The Sword Thrusts of Betrayal
Likely it is not the case. Two lies in particular left me shocked. (1) That he paid me 20$ and hour when he paid me 13$. (2) That me and the other guy he had hired were going out after we were dropped off from work to the bar and blowing money. Odd, considering me and this other guy didn’t like each other.
The truth that was manipulated against me in fascinating way too. Apparently one such truth was how I constantly wanted to go out after work with my boss to the bar and grab a drink.
Absolutely, this was true. I wanted to bond with my boss as I believed he was someone I could be my genuine self-around. One of the best ways you can do this is to indeed grab a drink and sit down.
In his defense however, he could never really do this as he was trying to be back at home by 6 to be with his family. I can understand this and perhaps he believes me to be some kind of deviant who would rather be out drinking then helping out his pregnant wife at home – or at least that how it sounded when I was told about it.
Another “truth” was about how I misled him about my skillset, even though I told him what I knew from the start. Now both me and him were hoping I’d absorb some skills faster, but I alas I did not. Still, he felt like I lied to him, so my guess is he is doing the same back to me.
One that really got to me was about how I was lazy. When he first hired me, he was desperate for people just to show up who were trustworthy. He complained about how people would flake constantly – which they did. I arranged for him to pick me up in the mornings – which took a toll on him timewise nonetheless – to go the jobsite with him 40+ miles away.
When I was there, I worked in 90+ degree humidity outside on scaffolding. Now he was generous and bought me and our co-worker lunch everyday as well as provided us with water to keep us hydrated. To be sure he wasn’t a slave driver, and he shouldn’t sound like such.
At several points I did complain about a lack of boards to stand on when we started going four stories up. I brought up the idea of safety-harnesses, but he mentioned that it would just get in the way and make us even less safe.
I have no idea if that’s really true or not, but wow right? Also note that he went up there with us in those precarious positions trying to get work done, so definitely he put himself on the line as well.
Now, I’m not exaggerating how open I was with him. I even talked about me and my wife’s sex lives – a mistake in hindsight – and how it helped us as a couple. This was kindly relayed to her parents that all I cared about is sex and apparently how I’m not to be trusted. In particular, this blew me away.
Wisdom, Resolve, and the Long-Game
A hard lesson to learn from betrayal is that your natural state – open and honest – can be very dangerous to you and your family life. Even after this, I find the idea of talking less, being more deliberate about the company I am genuine with, and concluding that many more snakes exist in the grass then I admit to be a tough pill to swallow.
Recently, I saw him at my in-laws “Life group” meeting they hold at their house. Determined for my wife’s sake, I played nice. It was then that I heard a story involving my old bosses’ wife and some terrible things they had been through.
Wondering whether this had something to do with the backstab held my anger in check. Because of that, I’m taking the long view. Honestly, I still desire vengeance or at least some kind of vindication from this betrayal. You never realize how powerful of a motivator justice can be until you start to strongly desire it.
Given the chance I wonder, would he come clean and apologize to me or pretend it didn’t happen and act as everything was jolly?
What if the chain-of-information provided to me was wrong or someone did indeed exaggerate and elaborate details? Patience is necessary when trying to smoke out what was really said. I shall indeed play the long-game.