Monday, April 18th, 2016 at 1:37 PM, my son Julius was born. His birth was the culmination and the reward for all of the various fights, strife, conflicts, and plain out stress that me and my pregnant wife had gone through leading up to that very moment. That said, I don’t think I was as nearly prepared for it as I thought I was. While fatherhood strikes whether you are ready for it or not, the process leading up to it can be both a joyous and tumultuous affair. Score one for my continued legacy and that evil Patriarchy with my sons birth though, as we are about to strengthen it’s ever growing resolve. (My wife already told me just the other day, “I’m ready for another one.”)
That said it’s still been stressful as my son couldn’t go home with us. He wasn’t breathing enough oxygen and had to be transferred to another hospital. My wife’s been there every day, sometimes for 12 hours a day, with me heading there the second I’ve gotten off work. Up until just a day ago, she couldn’t even hold him in our arms. As a new mother, it’s been killing her.
I can see the pain in her eyes, the stress in her movement, and the easy escalation of disagreements – though we’ve fought way less since he’s been born. My wife is young – almost 20 – and this is our first child, so we as new parents are still barely scratching the surface in just what it means to be parents. (If you’ve noticed, I try not to say my wife’s first or maiden name so certain assholes can’t target her or her future employers.)
Yes, married couples – especially newer ones fight way more than anyone want’s to admit.
Now, we hear alot about the taking the Red Pill and what it can do for a man. We know it can mean much more then just discovering the truth about feminism, social justice, and gender relation as Hawaiian Libertarian has pointed out. But what happens when you miss certain aspects of it, or dare I say, other “Red Pill” entirely?
Marriage isn’t something talked about nearly enough in whatever is left of the “manosphere”, though Roosh and many at ROK have made observations about about how men move past the player stage and what more from life and the worldview of Neo-Masculinity. When it is talked about often, it’s about how men should never get married and how you should only marry foreigners if you do.
That’s good and all, but those of us like myself who have not only gladly taken the risk, but are creating families from it, there might be a bit lacking in the RP advice department, especially on when your wife is pregnant. While game doesn’t end when you get married, but instead evolve, I often ask myself the following:
1. Am I being supportive enough?
2. Am I taking too much shit that I never would have taken before? Again, pregnancy is another aspect. Women use words as weapon very effectively, and my wife is no exception when she is stressed, in pain, has a baby kicking the inside of her, and is full of hormones. What is the appropriate course of action?
3. What should I take a stand on and what should I understand is merely a result of pregnancy? What disagreements should I compromise on or give 100% into her on. (Stress can cause miscarriages.) Did she mean any of the nasty things she just said in a fight after she apologized for them just an hour later?
4. What kind of game should be run vs what kind of game is even acceptable? Honesty is important, alas why my wife knows what my worldview is.
5. How should I resolve fights? I have my normal RP way of dealing with women, but my wife isn’t just a woman, she’s the mother of my son and is love of my life. Red-Pilled wisdom from older married men is something I wish I had way more of. Yes, I know of stuff like this, but it doesn’t go far enough.
In our young marriage, we’ve had some terrible fights, but they’ve ended pretty quickly. Sometimes I’ve put my foot down, and it does lead to more respect. The thing is I lack the necessary wisdom of when to use a gentle word to turn away wrath and when to be firm. My dad gave me a piece of wisdom in that hurtful words said early are bad for the early foundation of your marriage. No brainer, of course.
For the most part when my wife is on the verbal warpath, slashing me with her tomahawk of vicious words, I usually won’t say nasty things back; something I would do in return to anyone who wasn’t my family or my wife. I made a specific exception because she is my wife, and was pregnant. One time however, I did slip and I was so mad, I called her a piece of shit. Despite she had said far worse things to me during the car ride in which we were fighting, all of her nasty barbs didn’t matter. I was blown away.
Surprisingly in many way, Bill Burr was right:
Why was my wife acting like a teenager? Then it me; she’s 19. She still is a teenager. In fact, I’m her first real relationship. Her expectations and mine have been different on a few things. I want my alone time – she strongly objects to this sometime, the pregnancy being part of that. I often wondered, why does she say the nastiest shit when she’s angry?
(Sometimes whenever she is irked by my actions/words she will say in this disproving motherly tone, “Seriously?” It irks me even more and makes me want to say, “Yea, fucking seriously.” Then, I remember that I do indeed love her. I just wish there were more guys out there like AverageMarriedDad and TheFamilyAlpha who know what it’s like and have advice on how to have a successful happy marriage and a resulting healthy family. Too often, we get alot of marriage advice from men who aren’t actually married or are bitterly divorced and have a strong bias against it – somewhat understandably so.
Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it. Yes, it like any other major life choice is a risk, but it’s a worthy one, despite the quality of good women in our generation, the courts, and a system rigged against men. Marriage is a risk, but what else in life isn’t a risk? Some of the best thing in life involve risk – whether that be in time investment, finances, relationships, etc. Don’t let your life be hindered by aversion to risk, simply decide what risks are really worth it. I do believe marriage is one -provided you find the right woman which definitely is worth it.
Holding your son for the first time is worth it. Oh and stopping fights as they happen with sex – which we do alot – is totally worth it. In fact, if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that if the fight is about to escalate, pull her pant’s down. Her words, not mine. Well, she was definitely right about that. (Also make-up sex and I’ve never had to beg for sex. Ever.)
I encourage men who aren’t sure about marriage to really look for a good woman. They are out there, though you won’t find them on Tinder, bars, etc. Are you looking hard enough? Are your glasses filtering out the good girls? Many of you say you want one, but do you really? When you marry young, you do face different challenges and you would be wise to ready yourself for them. Being good at being a man is hard work.
Do you want your legacy to continue? Do you want the pleasure of having your child gaze up at you and look deeply into your eyes? Do you want to statistically have far more sex as a married man than single men do – especially when you are young? Obviously don’t marry for just sex or even just love. Find the right woman. You don’t marry someone who is your soulmate. You marry someone who becomes your soulmate. Remember that dear Gentleman, and Godspeed to you.
P.S. For all future and current parents with young children, I highly suggest Quintus Curtius’ blog which will provide a foundation of classical themed education and insight that is so lacking these days. He is that Aristotle that you’re sons in particular need as their tutor as they delve into those famed classics.