We Are Terrified of Actual Romance

That empty seat besides you in your heart…

The Desire For Romance

They say that you aren’t ready to be with someone else if you haven’t fixed your own problems.   Well, with that conclusion, it seems no one is ready to date or find a relationship. In fact, it sounds more like an excuse because we refuse to face the fact that we are terrified of actual romance – or the possibility and potential of it.

How many people these days do you know have relationships that never last more than a few months? Or when things get serious, they scamper away?  Commitment these days is a dirty and scary word.   Many will tell you that you don’t want to be first in vocalizing your desire for commitment.  It all becomes a series of games between men and women.

In your 20s, you are supposed to play the field.   We are told there is always more fish in the sea. That’s true.   But here’s a sobering thought: What if you missed that one special person – that love of your life?  An abundance mentality is key for confidence and avoiding loneliness and depression, but what if you end up “nexting” of the one women who was the love of your life?

75% of married people, according to the Inquisitr,  report “settling” as they have lost their chance at true love.  Yea, that’s depressing.  In fact 46% of those people would leave their relationship for their true love.   That says something about the power of love.

My generation – millennials – seemingly have a terrifying fear of missing out.  We want to remain single, available, and in the mode of continued experimentation – yet we fear a potential future of remaining single. It’s a disturbing catch-22 filled with cognitive dissonance.  We “settle”, but we don’t fall in love.  Again, I suggest that some of us may have missed out.

The vicious truth of today’s consumer and materialistic society is that everyone is focused on their career above all else.  When push comes to shove, most people will gladly sacrifice their romance for a future that’s not even guaranteed.   Men and women are fed the lie that you don’t need someone else – a lie that flies in the face of all of human history and biology. This thinking is willfully promoted by feminism in that women don’t need a man and in reverse by the some in the manosphere that men don’t need women.   I call BS.  As FreeNortherner points out,

“However much some feminists and some MGTOWs rage against it, men and women want to be together with each other. They want to love and be loved.”

We want to be loved, needed, desired, and sought after.  The consistent denial of this is leading to people with unhappy lives, scores of people on depression, and every medical condition under the sun that’s popped up in the last two decades.

Romance Or A Career?

I for one will always choose my relationships over a career.   Now this doesn’t mean one should let themselves go completely, be lazy, ect.  Simply realize that life is short and you want to enjoy it the best you can with someone you care about and love.

I believe there are more people with these thoughts out there, but they are becoming rarer as our society degrades into a smartphone and social media obsessed cespool of vanity, jealous, and envy.   Often we don’t actually want romance – we want material things which we think will lead to it.

1. Love is a spark of physical, psychological, and emotional intimacy.   It’s so intense, that it scares people.  The uncomfortable truth is that relationships take work.  Perhaps love is where you throw everything aside for that special person.  There isn’t exactly a backup plan – another scary thought in today’s often shallow relationships, but it’s crossed my mind.

2. Relationships are work – and anything that takes work is a potential hazard that can bog us down in our quest to experience life.   Yes, we may be experiencing life, but are we actually experiencing any of the romance that we so keenly and subconsciously desire?

Ultimately, people want other people who have something going for them and this is often reflected in career, fame, friends, family, and a bright future.  You sometimes just hope that you may experience a bright future with someone who doesn’t care about how much money you bring to the table.  As Alice from the Honeymooners said to Ralph before she married him, “Ralph, I’d be happy to live in a tent with you.”

It shocks me how many people I’ve met who are dirt poor, yet are happy as can be with each other.   They don’t need anything else but the two of them.  Considering how short life is and how tomorrow isn’t guaranteed,  they may be on to something.


P.S. food for thought:

3 Replies to “We Are Terrified of Actual Romance”

  1. Hey Lucas. Thanks for the linkage.

    On the topic of this post, I feel that to separate yourself from the crowd, you have to embrace your nature as a romantic. However, you can’t reveal it to just anyone. I would say that I’m not merely physically invested in ANY girl I get involved with. When I sleep with a new girl, I want to make her feel special, and I want her to stick around. I want our relationship to run its natural course, whether that’s for a night or a year.

    When I get dropped by a girl, even if I only saw her a few times, it feels like any other breakup. Abundance mentality helps you cope but the heartache is always there.

    Your thoughts on love vs. career bear some thought. I need to consider that one for a while.

    I’ll be reading through your site, I’ve never heard of you before but I like what you’re putting down.

    – Claude

    1. “When I get dropped by a girl, even if I only saw her a few times, it feels like any other breakup. Abundance mentality helps you cope but the heartache is always there.”

      Exactly where I’m at. Since discovering TRP, I’ve worked on my game and have had massive success within the last year.

      I do however feel these lingering almost “breakup” pains as you mentioned. I figured I needed to get rid of the Oneitis, but it still remains even for a girl in particular after sleeping with other girls.

      I read through part of Daniel Roses’ Sex God in which he emphasized the importance of an emotional and psychological connection as well as the physical connection with girls you hookup with and/or plate. I’m now realizing there may be unintended and foreseen consequences for this on my end.

      1. We’re not robots. Even as men we’re susceptible to emotions. And it’s ok to indulge them for a bit, but it’s also crucial to move on.

        Like I said, even one night sometimes feels like a romance that died prematurely. But the longer you’ve been with her, the more powerful the emotional bond (and resulting severance of that bond) will be.

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