Necesitamos compasión. Necesito mas compasión
As much as I despise and revile modern day feminists – specifically the radical ones, I feel sorry for them. I’ve noticed a cruel streak that not only infects opposing political ideologies – namely conservative vs liberal, but also in the ideologies that I am particularly interested in – the manosphere and feminism. The hatred I see from them both angers me, as I do have a pair of testicles, but saddens me as well. To add more fuel to the fire, the vitriol that is usually returned upon them by many in the manosphere and this plagues any actual honest attempt at online discourse. In fact, it’s not possible on twitter – don’t even try.
All indications point to the internet as being the catalyst to kick this inner rage into twitter cyber lynch mobs. While these mobs can’t kill you or put you in prison like a king could, they can make your life a living a hell – like getting you fired for starters. Even feminists are starting to worry about it.
I recall that piece which blew up on the internet in January by Scott Aaronson, the MIT professor, who had the worst kind of “nerd” nightmare that one can imagine growing up. It was so bad – as was the effect of feminism on him, that he contemplated chemical castration and suicide because he was terrified of oppressing and harassing women through any kind of conversation with them. Despite all this, he states that he is still 97% on board with feminism. That is some devotion right there, though I wonder how long that will last.
Some feminists showed some mercy, as well as pointed pointed out that he had a flawed understanding of feminism, while of course pointing out that he still had cis white male privilege. Some however dismissed the plight of nerds as very low on the agenda table – such as fellow self-loathing male feminist nerd Arthur Chu. Others showed absolutely no mercy – with Amanda Marcotte again leading the charge for the nasty side of feminism.
After reading, Marcottes column, I was initially stunned. This was a male feminist ally who she had ripped a new asshole. The bullied nerd had been trounced unconscious with internet fervor and foment of some of the nastiest that online feminism had to offer. Marcotte of course would be there to deliver the coup de grace curbstomp. (Maybe she is just a really terrible person.)
When I finished reading her article, it finally hit me; we are all losing our compassion and our ability to show empathy.
Retaining Your Compassion
I also sometimes worry that I could become like them; so filled with hate for the terrible things said and done in the name of feminism, that it engulfs me and turns me into a nasty and bitter person. Could I literally lose my identity to an ideology that is supposed to free me – name The Red Pill?
Let’s say I knew someone was a feminist and a particularly nasty one. Imagine it was Lindy West, Anna Merlan, or even Jessica Valenti – “shudders” – and they were broke, alone, homeless, stranded, ect – would I be compassionate? I really hope I would. Sure karma is a revenge best served cold, but everyone deserves at least some measure of mercy.
I will admit, I enjoy jokes made at their expense, the fun that should be poked at them, and the moderate ridicule that should be made of some of the things they say and positions they hold.
However, everyone – hopefully – has a base moral compass that is aware of the importance of compassion. Forget the gender of someone in need, would you help them if it didn’t directly benefit you? (Yes, I’m aware of the friendzoned beta male white knights who end up becoming emotional tampons without the kind of reciprocation they most desire – sexual reciprocation.)
Still, shouldn’t we bother to help the downtrodden when we see them, regardless of whether they have had it coming or not? While women like Valenti who “bathe in male” tears both yet again anger and sadden me, do I really want to bathe in “female” tears? I imagine Valenti is just being as snarky as the rest of us – myself included – are when we want to let loose.
Look at women like Valenti, Merlan, and especially Marcotte. Take a close look at the nastier voices of feminism and what it has turned them into. I don’t believe they actually like their lives or the lives of others around them – specifically people who are happy. Misery does love it’s company. Their only satisfaction and enjoyment in life seems to be reduced to hating and beating on men, both on the clock and off of it. That’s a shallow purpose and identity which will have consequences later in life.
The question I must always ask myself as I critique and dismiss the particular virulent parts of feminism is, “Do I really want to become the reverse of them?”
Getting Back Into The Real World
In the online world – specifically social media – we often forget we are conversing with other REAL people. Yes, we will meet some deliberate trolls, but the vast amount of our opponents are not trolls, but sincere meaning people. Yes, I said that about feminists. Too often there is this ultimate boogeyman concept that we slap onto all of our ideological opponents. Yes, the internet has gotten more polarized and full of vitriol, but that only goes to prove that you need to get off social media, the manosphere, ect and actually converse with real people.
Take the opportunity to talk to self-identified feminist in a non-digital environment and you will notice a distinct difference in the conversation that takes place – something even some feminists have noticed. Megan Murphy from Feminist Current pointed this out in an article about the problems with twitter feminism:
“But, for the most part, I haven’t found Twitter to be a positive experience. And I’m not just talking about harassment from misogynists, I’m talking about the internal shit. The mean girls-style popularity contest so many of those on feminist Twitter engage in. The take-downs, the bullying, the mocking, the defamation, the snide remarks, and the absolutely endless stream of hate.”
Never forget that you are talking to REAL people and not digital monstrous constructs behind a smartphone have forgotten that real life is quite different from the internet battlefields in which the corpses keep piling up.
“And sure, you might say, people behave like that in the “real world.” But the funny thing is that, in the real world, I’m happy. I generally enjoy my life, despite common challenges like rent-paying, work-finding, relationship-maintenance, etc. I don’t feel or see an inordinate amount of hatred among the feminists I know and work with on a human-to-human level. It happens, sure, but not daily. Not constantly. And the vitriol is decidedly muted.”
She is quite right. In the real world, I’ve been able to converse with feminists in when engaging in conversation in real life and avoid engaging in the kind of vitriol that occurs online and in social media. I find it puzzling, because while I try to “live” online in the way I do my every day actual life, my “I don’t care if this offends you,” anger comes out.
However, I control how my anger and frustration is expressed in the conversations I have. Personally, I’ve long strived to make sure that I don’t exist in an echo-chamber. Because of this, I often engage in conversation with people whose views I find scary, dangerous, detestable, ect. This is a lot easier and more productive however when done in person.
How could anyone actually hold the opinions they do? It’s frightening!
Then again, I suppose they are thinking the exact same thing. Disagreement is inevitable.
Expressing your anger in a vicious, atrocious, and appalling manner is not.
Never forget you are a human being, just remember to act like one – even in the face of some of the nastiest ideologues of our time. Don’t become like so many feminists and social justice warriors who can’t handle disagreement to the point that they are willing to silence said disagreement by attaching labels like “harassment” to dissenting voices and opinions. In fact, they have even gone so far as to label “oppressive language” – which they of course define – as actually limiting free speech. The Orwellian descent of tolerance continues to deepen.
Don’t get me wrong, expressing your anger is a necessary part of life. Injustice should deeply bother and anger you. However, the way you go about expressing that anger however will say alot about who you are and what you are becoming.
Make no mistake though, don’t back down from what you believe. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied and shamed, *cough Scott Aaronson* something that ironically has become so intrinsic to modern day feminism. Sometimes, you may need to let some of that rage out. Just pick how and where and consider whether it will be constructive – like at the gym or blowing things up on Call of Duty – or negative like exploding at a barista at Starbucks.
We all want to be heard and one way to do that is to state everything in the angriest possible way – going viral to get the necessary attention for your subject matter. The blogosphere has become a competition these days to go viral – and being constantly and consistently angry and enraged is a good way to stir up controversy to try and do just that. It’s also a good way to let your “online” persona start to bleed into your real life character.
The Red Pill and many of the resources in the manosphere can greatly help you become a man and embrace your masculinity in light of the ever present assault on it. There must be to becoming a man and to life than bitching about feminism.
This is fundamentally what the Red Pill is about when it talks about self-improvement consuming your time and turning you into a better person. You pick yourself up and you keep going. If you start to lose all of your friends, close relationships, and a dire misanthropic attitude toward mankind – which I understand with bad days at work – you might want to examine how you are letting the TRP effect you and if it is altering your identity into what inspired you to take TRP in the first place.
So take a break from online and social media. Mingle. Meet people. Talk with them. Even feminists acknowledge they need a break too.