Problems in the Manosphere
The Emerging Problem
It deeply pains me to admit this, but the “manosphere” and some who have taken “The Red Pill” (TRP) have allowed their pain and anger to distract them from self-improvement and to mistakenly and irresponsibly blame women for their pain.
In fact, it has become home to some men who might actually hate women – in particular the “Men Going Their Own Way” (MGTOW) portion of it who I actually deeply sympathize with. (Disclosure: I’m not a feminist.)
The thing is, most men aren’t meant to be bachelors. Despite what most MGTOWs will tell you, men and women need each other. We were designed to be together. It’s good and its healthy, regardless of how much modern day feminism has poisoned the waters between the two genders.
Yes, there actually are some misogynists who are TRP – some of these MGTOWs. Like any ideology that has come about as a backlash because of the insanity that 3rd wave feminism has become, it has members who have become just as hate-filled as the feminist movement it despises. Aaron Clarey a.k.a Captain Capitalism has made a video saying some things that really needed to be said about this emerging problem. There may be some backlash, but the truth and objective critiques meant to help others hurt.
Even though I’m only about 6 months in TRP, I understand that the whole point of the TRP is to acknowledge one’s own personal responsibility, rather then defer it to the opposite sex with excuses like, “All Women Are Like That” (AWALT) when rejection occurs – particularly approach rejection and rejection from women overall. (I will admit, I don’t experience approach rejection all that often.)
MGTOW is supposedly specifically about improving yourself, becoming self-disciplined, and becoming someone that not only women want to be around, but other men as well by not putting “pussy” on a pedestal – you know what white knights and manginas actually do. Instead, it more and more is becoming a circle-jerk where we talk about how much they hate how “terrible” women are.
Newsflash: Only just over 15% of women identify as feminists, and most of those aren’t the radicals who we hear the most about online.
Some of these MGTOWs, as Clarey points out, haven’t been successful with women because they aren’t willing to put in the effort which is shocking considering I know some older ugly fat dudes who still get laid. What is the entire point of TRP and of the MGTOWs with in it? Simple. Take personal responsibility for yourself instead of blaming others – that includes women. This is makes TRP like a beacon of light in the midst of darkness because we live in a culture where EVERYTHING is someone else’s fault. Yes, many women have been unfortunately influenced by modern day feminism and it has helped to warp their attitudes toward men.
Now some of us Red Pillers have even developed our own kinds of shaming languages which we then sling at anyone who is willing to impartially observe on the sidelines. We then continue to blame women, and when we experience rejection, we spew a bunch of vitriol about “AWALT” and the like.
The Manosphere, and the The Red Pill in general is about improving yourself and embracing reality, not blaming women for every problem under the sun. Women aren’t the enemy. They are our mothers, our sisters, our wives, and our daughters. Regardless of what is said, men and women will always need each other. It’s a fact of history and of life.
Say anything remotely good about women and you are some sort of mangina white knighting feminist. If we keep abusing these words like feminists have done with words like misogyny and rape, soon they won’t mean anything.
This is shocking to think, but some men – myself included- really like women. I dare say it’s because of our biology! Hell, some of us actually like the “traditional” idea of finding a girl, getting married, and growing into old age together and being happy doing it. I grow tired of seeing people in TRP community whose pain I can identify with throw these blanket assumptions of absolute fact upon all women.
Someone needed to say this in the manosphere and it hasn’t been just Clarey. About two weeks ago “Blair Naso” at the so affectionately labeled “misogyny central” site Return Of Kings wrote a brilliant piece, Most Men Do Not Deserve A Marriageable Woman pointing out this exact problem and blame game we have allowed ourselves to get suckered into. He points out in the article (1) how we have allowed ourselves to blame everyone else – women in particular for our problems – when it comes to having “bad” experiences with them and finding them and (2) how we have developed a sense of entitlement because we exist. When I use the word “entitlement”, I’m not using it in the awful feminist sense where approaching a girl lands you that label, but in an honest objective compassionate sense.
And of course you can claim that all women today are whores, but that is not true either. There are many women who still have a sense of dignity and only give away their sex selectively, since that is what women naturally want to do. True, there are not many virgins outside of the freshmen at Christian colleges in the southern states, but that does not mean that every woman allows herself to be the town bicycle.
While marriage is often a risky proposition for men in our time because of no-fault divorce laws, let’s at least attempt to be honest.; not every women wants to screw you over, divorce you in the future, take your kids, make you pay child support and alimony, and force you to live in a depreciating existence in a terrible apartment for the rest of your life. Yes, it has happened, but this is the result of settling down with the wrong women – something TRP should help one avoid.
Neither are all women – or dare I say all feminists – deliberate and fully aware irrational feminazis. Instead of complaining about only slutty women are, stop going to those places as Blair points out.
Maybe the reason you think every single Western girl is a tramp is because you keep searching for girls on ladies night in bars. Go volunteer for a boring non-profit that makes for a bad photo shoot, and you will be more likely to find the wife you are looking for.
A shocking idea. Perhaps – just perhaps – more traditionally minded girls who do want to settle down will employ their time with worthy causes. One element of TRP that somewhat bothers me is the constant encouraging of men to sleep with “sluts” as they ride the carousel till they hit the “wall” in their later 30s. Why do we encourage this kind of behavior – or better yet enthusiastically and opportunistically make use of it – while deriding these so called sluts? It’s almost as if we want women to be “slutty” so that we can excuse, dismiss, and insist that there is an apparent lack of worthy and honorable women to commit to so that we can pretend that said slutty women are our only alternative and is the “reality” of the situation.
You rant about how lustful women are, but how much better are you yourself? All you care about is increasing your notch count no matter what the consequences. You sleep with fat girls, you sleep with career-obsessed women, you sleep with androgynous women, and then you wonder why there are so many of them around.
Blair goes on to make an important point that even feminists don’t like:
Contrary to popular myth, feminism did not invent the slut. Men even have always had a way to get their rocks off before settling down. For example, the samba in Brazil provided a context to meet easy women long before the 1960s.
These “marriageable” women might be rejecting us for more worthy prospects because we have been settling for the “sluts” and their parents have been smart enough to teach them that you don’t want a man whose life revolves around the idea of “non-commitment” and “pumping-and-dumping”.
We can lament about all the problems of the modern day dating market, but it doesn’t change the fact that if we don’t put some effort into our appearance, game, and overall life, we can’t demand girls pay attention to us vs the better men out there.
There is a time and a place for it, but if we want to remain in said time and place our entire lives, can we really moan, groan, and rage that we aren’t attracting said marriageable women? Self-Improvement takes time, effort, and discipline.
Furthermore, do you have any real marketable skills? You say you want a stay-at-home wife, but what have you accomplished to provide that? Laziness is also a sin in most world religions, so instead of living in an apartment with your Call of Duty buddies “because the economy is just that bad,” spend a year in vocational school and learn a trade.
Well that stings. I’ll be honest. I don’t really have many worthy skills. I’m often lazy and I waste my time. At this time, I’m content to live on very little and to enjoying the small cheap parts of life. This however isn’t necessarily going to attract women who are looking for a “provider” of sorts.
While it’s hard to become a stable provider these days, one can still be responsible with their time and devote as much as possible of it to self-improvement and obtaining marketable job skills. (I’m really trying to limit my video game time.) I’m lucky I’m attractive, because it isn’t the money or the fame that has helped me get laid.
Making The Best Of Our Situation
In TRP and among most MGTOW, we acknowledged that there is certainly a phrase of anger about the realities of today’s dating situation, the destruction of families, and the hardships of divorced men who have been taken to the cleaners by their now Ex-wives. We can understand why they don’t trust women. Even those of us who haven’t been married have experienced rejection of some kind. That phrase isn’t suppose to last your entire life.
Pain can’t be used as an excuse to let ourselves become angry and distant. Let’s not lie to ourselves; we also can become “spinsters” in our old age that no one wants to be with. Pain is a part of life, but wallowing it in it, refusing to make an effort to escape it, and blaming everyone else for it is what third-wave feminists do. That is something we can’t allow ourselves to become if we wish to actually enjoy life. Don’t become like them.
Everyday, I see a lot of people in pain. I’ve met men who have been divorced or lost loved ones and I can see it in their eyes. I can also see these people making excuses for avoiding any real effort to take steps to become happy. I understand their reasons, and while valid, it doesn’t make their situation any better or cause them to feel any better.
If I am truly a compassionate person, I won’t simply nod my head and avoid any real attempt to aid them in escaping their depression and pain. At some point, you must make that initial attempt to get out of it. As Mike at Danger & Play puts it, “It doesn’t matter how you start. All that matters is that you start.” In circumstances like this where the pain is very real, his motto, “Fuck it, I’m going in,” is an important mindset to adopt.
So when I see the main vehicle of “coping” with life’s problems becoming a “fuck women” fest, I’ll point out that this permanent like state-of-anger and rage does nothing to improve ours and their plight with women. I and others must point this out, because we actually care about our fellow men. Don’t let this “criticism” become mistakenly dismissed because we are not vicious feminists with cyber-lynch mobs wielding axes to attack the already downtrodden with. We actually do care.